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Can someone explain this to me?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 13 Replies
My DD and I have a kind of Gilmore Girls mother/daughter relationship. I'm her best friend, but she knows damn well I'm the mother and she's the child. We rarely argue, but tonight we did over something really stupid (her wearing my favourite jacket without asking, I guess I had had enough), so after a few minutes of arguing she stormed off to her room. She didn't slam the door but she has her 'angry' music on. - knowing her she'll be out in 10 minutes with a hug and our favourite movie as a peace offering. We can't stay mad at each other. My thought was that if it was *my* mother, she would have followed me into the room continuing to scream at me and make me listen to her until I was crying/screaming for her to please leave me alone. So my question is, why do some parents refuse to allow their kid to calm down from an argument in private? Why must they always have the last word and watch their kid break down in front of them after not being left alone? Mine broke down the toilet door once (while I was pissing) to continue an argument that she claimed *I* had started.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AZHOTMOM
by Gold Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:09 PM

I think most parents get so frustrated that they take the child out of the equation and it becomes about them getting in what they have to say. I have always let me kids speak freely during a discussion without consequence, they are always respectful. Just because they are children does not mean they are stupid or do not understand, they just have a different thought process.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:13 PM
I agree. I mean, if a adult followed me around screaming at me, they'd possibly be charged with harassment. But just because it's a parent/child it's fine and all about learning 'respect'.

Quoting AZHOTMOM:

I think most parents get so frustrated that they take the child out of the equation and it becomes about them getting in what they have to say. I have always let me kids speak freely during a discussion without consequence, they are always respectful. Just because they are children does not mean they are stupid or do not understand, they just have a different thought process.

JP-StrongForTwo
by on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:37 PM

If my daughter is frustrated and wants to walk away, i let her. i think its foolish that parents thing they are teaching their children how to handle their emotions, when in actuality they are not. 


you do good momma. no worries :) i hope my 10 year old and i have that good of a relationship. :) 

danie24
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:43 PM

It really depends.

If my teenager and I were arguing and she used her words and said, "I need to be alone" that's fine. I would have no problem with that.

But if my teenager and I were arguing and she just storms off to her bedroom while we are in the middle of something, I would follow her and would finish my thought / punishment / etc.

It's rude to storm off or slam doors or blast music as attempt to ignore a parent in the middle of a disagreement and I wouldn't tolerate it. If my teenager wasn't mature and respectful enough to use their words to let me know they are frustrated and need to be alone, they will be treated like the child they are behaving like.

nerdymom28
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:45 PM

 I think it's a matter of the parent wanting to know for sure that they got through to the child. If the child walks away during a discussion, the parent will sometimes assume it's because they don't want to listen, so they'll keep going until they feel they were heard and understood. A lot of that could be eliminated if the child would just hear the parent out and then asked to be excused to work through it on their own. Respect is a two way street. You gotta give it to get it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:45 PM
Would you leave after the consequence had been dolled out? Personally I've never known teens to have a good handle on their emotions. Even mine has her moments.

Quoting danie24:

It really depends.

If my teenager and I were arguing and she used her words and said, "I need to be alone" that's fine. I would have no problem with that.

But if my teenager and I were arguing and she just storms off to her bedroom while we are in the middle of something, I would follow her and would finish my thought / punishment / etc.

It's rude to storm off or slam doors or blast music as attempt to ignore a parent in the middle of a disagreement and I wouldn't tolerate it. If my teenager wasn't mature and respectful enough to use their words to let me know they are frustrated and need to be alone, they will be treated like the child they are behaving like.

danie24
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:48 PM

Yes, I would.


Quoting Anonymous: Would you leave after the consequence had been dolled out? Personally I've never known teens to have a good handle on their emotions. Even mine has her moments.

Quoting danie24:

It really depends.

If my teenager and I were arguing and she used her words and said, "I need to be alone" that's fine. I would have no problem with that.

But if my teenager and I were arguing and she just storms off to her bedroom while we are in the middle of something, I would follow her and would finish my thought / punishment / etc.

It's rude to storm off or slam doors or blast music as attempt to ignore a parent in the middle of a disagreement and I wouldn't tolerate it. If my teenager wasn't mature and respectful enough to use their words to let me know they are frustrated and need to be alone, they will be treated like the child they are behaving like.


Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:49 PM
In some situations though things need to be left until both people can listen rationally. For instance, my daughter waited until I finished saying what I needed to say before saying she was going to her room, and that was fine. With my mother there was no listening/communicating. If I tried to comment, ask a question or answer one of her millions depending on the argument, I would get an additional lecture for answering back/my tone. Although my mother was incredibly controlling, she once sat me down and made me disclose every detail of my friends mental illness. I wasn't allowed to even go to work until she was satisfied with my answers. I felt very unheard that day.

Quoting nerdymom28:

 I think it's a matter of the parent wanting to know for sure that they got through to the child. If the child walks away during a discussion, the parent will sometimes assume it's because they don't want to listen, so they'll keep going until they feel they were heard and understood. A lot of that could be eliminated if the child would just hear the parent out and then asked to be excused to work through it on their own. Respect is a two way street. You gotta give it to get it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:50 PM
Well in that case I agree and would do the same.

Quoting danie24:

Yes, I would.


Quoting Anonymous: Would you leave after the consequence had been dolled out? Personally I've never known teens to have a good handle on their emotions. Even mine has her moments.



Quoting danie24:

It really depends.

If my teenager and I were arguing and she used her words and said, "I need to be alone" that's fine. I would have no problem with that.

But if my teenager and I were arguing and she just storms off to her bedroom while we are in the middle of something, I would follow her and would finish my thought / punishment / etc.

It's rude to storm off or slam doors or blast music as attempt to ignore a parent in the middle of a disagreement and I wouldn't tolerate it. If my teenager wasn't mature and respectful enough to use their words to let me know they are frustrated and need to be alone, they will be treated like the child they are behaving like.


notjstasocermom
by Ruby Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 12:54 PM
Quoting danie24:

It really depends.

If my teenager and I were arguing and she used her words and said, "I need to be alone" that's fine. I would have no problem with that.

But if my teenager and I were arguing and she just storms off to her bedroom while we are in the middle of something, I would follow her and would finish my thought / punishment / etc.

It's rude to storm off or slam doors or blast music as attempt to ignore a parent in the middle of a disagreement and I wouldn't tolerate it. If my teenager wasn't mature and respectful enough to use their words to let me know they are frustrated and need to be alone, they will be treated like the child they are behaving like.

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