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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I am not letting my DD donate a kidney to her half sister

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I have primary custody as well as sole medical, educational and religious decision making power for my ten year old DD. My ex has a DD with his girlfriend who is now 4 and needs a kidney transplant. Without my knowledge or consent, he took DD to be tested to see if she is a match. That alone violated the court order as he is only allowed to seek emergency medical services for her. As it happens she is a match. Last week, when my ex dropped her off after his visit, he told me he had her tested and she is and he thinks she should get to make that choice herself. Of course this was only after telling her she is a match and making her feel she has to. I talked to her about it and after realizing that he and his girlfriend have put it in her head that she doesn't have a choice there is no way I will even consider letting her do it. She said she was scared but felt like she had no choice. I told her that her half sister can get on a list and get one from someone who has already passed away and doesn't need their kidnies. I also explained that because she is so young there is a real risk that one kidney is not going to last her the rest of her life. Then i put it on myself and told her she has no reason to feel guilty because its not her choice anyway, its mine and I am saying no. She understands at least as well as she can and I told my ex that if he ever brings up donating again or in any way tries to make her feel guilty I will take him to court for violating the court order by having her tested. He said that he can't believe I am being "like this" and as her sister DD should donate. I have a feeling court will be in the near future. Seriously though, what kind of person puts pressure on one child to donate to another?
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2014 at 12:56 PM
Replies (631-640):
Toonkasmommy
by Platinum Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 11:02 PM
How sad all around :(.
kissmiss213
by Platinum Member on Feb. 3, 2014 at 11:39 PM

no. that is absolutely wrong of him to put her through that. i completely understand why he did, but he was very sneaky about it. and to put a ten yo in that position. ugh.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 121 on Feb. 3, 2014 at 11:40 PM

If the dad had primary custody of your child, he could use your daughter to donate an organ to his other child. Even adopting a child, means you could use tha adopted child to donate an organ to your other child.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 127 on Feb. 3, 2014 at 11:47 PM

um if the daughter is a match isn't your ex a match too? Why doesn't he donate?

cxoxo
by Savannahsmommy on Feb. 4, 2014 at 12:18 AM
Her father is the one who made that child feel responsible for her sister's life, not the OP

Quoting tanyainmizzou:

If she dies, you have made your child feel responsible for the death of her sister for the rest of her life.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 128 on Feb. 4, 2014 at 12:39 AM

Absolutely you should not let him do such a thing, but I would lose respect for you, if I mattered to you, if you easily watch a four year old suffer and die.  Not only does it make you look cold and heartless, but it also will ruin your daughter's future relationship with her father and future siblings, as well as when she reaches her teens, she may turn on you for not allowing her to save her sister.  She may blame you for her death.

In the end, you risk losing your own daughter. 

Should she be forced?  No, but if she has the opportunity to save her baby sister, then she should, IMO, get factual information from a doctor about what all this means and how she could fit in with NO PRESSURE from either of you.  Then you support HER choice if it is medically safe for her to do so.

Be careful to maintain peace and objectivity.  Her father and wife will not and will fight desperately to save their child.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 129 on Feb. 4, 2014 at 12:56 AM

Bump

NiceMom06
by Gold Member on Feb. 4, 2014 at 12:57 AM
I agree

Quoting NdAppy:

I would get in contact with your lawyer if you have one and get the ball rolling to protect your daughter.  I would also get her set up for therapy too...  I can't imagine the shit he's going to fill her head with about how she is "killing" her sister, etc, etc.

Mommy2fourchics
by Bronze Member on Feb. 4, 2014 at 3:26 AM
Bump!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 130 on Feb. 4, 2014 at 3:33 AM

That was wrong of him to put your daughter in that adult situation, she isn't old enough to make that decision. I understand the other girl is his daughter as well but that doesn't excuse his behavior either.

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