Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I am not letting my DD donate a kidney to her half sister

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
I have primary custody as well as sole medical, educational and religious decision making power for my ten year old DD. My ex has a DD with his girlfriend who is now 4 and needs a kidney transplant. Without my knowledge or consent, he took DD to be tested to see if she is a match. That alone violated the court order as he is only allowed to seek emergency medical services for her. As it happens she is a match. Last week, when my ex dropped her off after his visit, he told me he had her tested and she is and he thinks she should get to make that choice herself. Of course this was only after telling her she is a match and making her feel she has to. I talked to her about it and after realizing that he and his girlfriend have put it in her head that she doesn't have a choice there is no way I will even consider letting her do it. She said she was scared but felt like she had no choice. I told her that her half sister can get on a list and get one from someone who has already passed away and doesn't need their kidnies. I also explained that because she is so young there is a real risk that one kidney is not going to last her the rest of her life. Then i put it on myself and told her she has no reason to feel guilty because its not her choice anyway, its mine and I am saying no. She understands at least as well as she can and I told my ex that if he ever brings up donating again or in any way tries to make her feel guilty I will take him to court for violating the court order by having her tested. He said that he can't believe I am being "like this" and as her sister DD should donate. I have a feeling court will be in the near future. Seriously though, what kind of person puts pressure on one child to donate to another?
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 2, 2014 at 12:56 PM
Replies (641-650):
by Anonymous 131 on Feb. 4, 2014 at 3:41 AM

take him to court strip him of his right to see his kid , least till the other kid gets better or at worst they find her a pretty box 

by Ruby Member on Feb. 4, 2014 at 3:46 AM

ouch sorry but tell dad he not seeing his DD till shes graduating from high school

by Ruby Member on Feb. 4, 2014 at 3:48 AM
1 mom liked this

While I feel for the little girl I agree with your can be dangerous to donate a kidney and she will have lifelong restrictions because of it...its very unfair of your ex to put that on the little girl

by Anonymous 132 on Feb. 4, 2014 at 4:25 AM

If this child has a genetic kidney diesese and this is from her fathers side. Then there IS A REAL CHANCE your daughter or her children may develop this disease.

SINCE both the childs kidneys have failed already this is obviously a genetic disease.


Please go to court.   He had no right to do this.

I have lost one kidney and the suspect kidney disease. My son has sad he will give me one. But I would NEVER do this. As he may develop it also.

by on Feb. 4, 2014 at 4:27 AM
Wow. I'd be livid.

You'd think it wouldn't be possible to compound an already terrible situation, but your ex found a way, eh?
by Anonymous 132 on Feb. 4, 2014 at 4:32 AM


Was it passed on by mom or DAD. IF it is dad then your girl may have it or pass it on to her children.


Quoting Anonymous: I see your side & their desperation. I would not know what to do except pray to god my decision was based on being educated & not spite.

by Platinum Member on Feb. 4, 2014 at 4:41 AM
Absolutely not. That is coming from someone who has pkd iwould never allow my child to be a live donor.
by on Feb. 4, 2014 at 4:48 AM

It doesn't matter what he wants or even your daughter wants SHE CAN NOT DONATE an ORGAN till she is 18, even with your consent.

 You have to be 18 or older. Children usually receive an organ from another child who has passed away. My niece received a liver transplant 3 yrs ago from a live donor. Only because the liver is the only organ that regrow when part of it is removed. Depending on the child's blood type, extent of kidney damage determines the length of time to wait. If there is a critical need, meaning the child will die soon, then they will do everything, look everywhere they can to find that child a kidney. I don't think, not positive, a child can get an adult kidney unless the child was older, like 10 or 11. this certainly isn't something I am an expert on and wouldn't pretend to be either. People can donate a kidney if the other kidney is in excellent working order. The one kidney will take over for 2.

My heart really aches when I hear these things. My thoughts and prayers are with that child. 

by Anonymous 133 on Feb. 4, 2014 at 5:01 AM
Thank you! Everyone keeps posting that having only one kidney somehow increases a person's risk of kidney failure. It doesn't work like that!

When kidneys fail, they both fail, and having only one doesn't make it any more likely to fail.

The vast majority of people with kidney failure got that way as a side effect of uncontrolled diabetes and/or hypertension. A minority have kidney failure due to an inherited/autoimmune disease.

If the 10 year old had any of these reasons for kidney failure, her kidneys would fail regardless of whether she had one or two kidneys.

Quoting Anonymous:

I have a friend who was born with one kidney. 

She drinks in moderation and leads a 100% normal life. She's almost 50 and is perfectly healthy with no reason to believe that will ever change.

Quoting GhettoKoolAide: The 10yr old will never be able to have a drink she will not live a long life she will have trouble for the rest of her life. That is not a choice a 10yr old should make. They can't think passed their noses and shouldn't be making a life altering decision. 

Quoting Anonymous: Honestly this is a hard spot. I can see it from both sides. Putting the little girl on the list is not a guarantee she will get a kidney in time. However its also a lot to ask of a 10yr old. I think that your 10yr old is going to need real help if her sister dies when she knew should could have helped. I think that maybe you should let your dd speak with a doctor and counselor to make this choice. Let trhe doctor explain what would happen, and any impact it would have on her life. She is young at just 10 but old enough to understand some of these things and make the right choice.

by Ruby Member on Feb. 4, 2014 at 5:22 AM
Wow....he's not in his right mind to be caring for the 10 year old. He's putting too much pressure on her.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)