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boycotting a child's birthday party to prove a point, tacky?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies
This Sunday is my step daughter's 12th birthday party. Bio mom is having it at a local skating rink. Dh is paying for half of the birthday party. Dh asked bio mom if we could invite my parents. She said, "there's always room for family." I called my mom to invite her and you would not believe what she said. She said she wasn't sure if she was ready to meet bio mom and wasn't sure she could keep quiet about some of the things bio mom did to dh. Then had the nerve to ask if bio mom was just inviting her to be nice or if my step daughter really wanted her to come. I told her we all want her to come. She's her grandma and she deserves to have her grandparents there. Her response, "I don't know can't I just give you are gift and you guys give it to her?" I told her not to come if it's that big of a deal.

I am sorry but I find that petty and rude. Why boycott your grand daughter's birthday party because you don't want to let stuff go. Because you have formed an opinion about someone you've never met. I didn't think my mother was this shallow. Am I just being harsh?
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
KatLee42513
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:38 AM
We don't involve ourselves in husband's family at all because of things they've done and said and its unforgivable. Everyone wants us to let it go but we can't.

Hurt is hurt. You can't take that away.
TDausman
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:40 AM
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I think she's acting like a child. This isn't about her or any of the adults. It's about the child who wants her grandparents at her party.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:40 AM
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Sounds like you , your DH and BM are the grown ups here, and your mother is acting like a child. She clearly doesn't view SD as a grandchild if she is willing to miss the party.
Why does she know anything about BM and DH's relationship? It is none of her business.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:42 AM

I am guessing that you haven't been married that long if your parents have never met your stepdaughter's mother.  Your mother probably doesn't feel "grandmotherly" toward your stepdaughter.

I would also advise against bad talking your daughter's mother to your mom.  You now know that your mother holds grudges on your husband's behalf.

thefiregoddess
by MotherDucker on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:43 AM
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Uh that's not her granddaughter. She may not feel it's appropriate.
STVUstudent
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:47 AM

I think your mom needs to get on the maturity train that you and your husband and his ex seem to have already boarded... you three appear to have embraced the idea that whatever happened between the mom and the dad is secondary to making sure that the CHILD has a safe and nurturing childhood surrounded by people who love her and are not interested in using her to jab at each other.  I am happy for you!  If your mom cannot be civil and enjoy the celebration, then let her stay home and make whatever excuses she wants to her granddaughter... but if she were my mother, I would strongly advise her to keep her tongue where her feelings about your step-daughter's mother are concerned... let the kid be a kid...

STVUstudent
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:50 AM
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 if this is a blended family, it IS her granddaughter...  If the OP has embraced her role as step parent, her mom certainly is the grandparent unless she doesn't want to be, and then the loss is hers.  My mother was more of a grandparent to her step grandchildren than their own grandmother ever was... and they embrace her as grandma still... it is a choice...

Quoting thefiregoddess: Uh that's not her granddaughter. She may not feel it's appropriate.

 

thefiregoddess
by MotherDucker on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:52 AM
That's the point. Maybe she doesn't want to be.
That is not her grand daughter. She didn't choose to marry into the family.


Quoting STVUstudent:

 if this is a blended family, it IS her granddaughter...  If the OP has embraced her role as step parent, her mom certainly is the grandparent unless she doesn't want to be, and then the loss is hers.  My mother was more of a grandparent to her step grandchildren than their own grandmother ever was... and they embrace her as grandma still... it is a choice...


Quoting thefiregoddess: Uh that's not her granddaughter. She may not feel it's appropriate.

 

TheMommaJessie
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 7:55 AM

that is tacky of her.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2014 at 8:47 AM
Dh and I have been married for 10 years. In that 10 years my mother has never met step daughter's bio mom. In the beginning of dh and I's relationship bio mom tried to keep dh's daughter from him. She took us to court and made a bunch of untrue statements. We went theough two years of court case after court case. For about a year dh had supervised visiation and had to take parenting classes. After that year he was granted visiation back with his daughter. She went on facebook and public humiliated dh with a bunch of lies about how he didn't pay his child support, how he abused their daughter and I knowly let it happen.

We have since moved past all that and are working together to co parent dh's daughter in a nurturing loving environment. Mom I guess can't let that go even though she say's that dh's daughter is juat as much a grand daughter as the others are.

Quoting Anonymous:

I am guessing that you haven't been married that long if your parents have never met your stepdaughter's mother.  Your mother probably doesn't feel "grandmotherly" toward your stepdaughter.

I would also advise against bad talking your daughter's mother to your mom.  You now know that your mother holds grudges on your husband's behalf.

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