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Loathes Grandma, advice needed

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies

My son loathes one of his Grandma's. We'll call her Grandma A. He will rarely speak to her, except for when he has to. Absolutely, loses it if she will be watching him. To the best of my knowledge none of the other grandkids have an issue with her. 

He hasn't like her since he was an infant and he's 6 now. When he was a baby I thought maybe it was her perfume or that she isn't very attentive. In general she's not an overly warm person but she does love him and she does interact, asks about his activities and interests, tries to engage him in activities...

I'm just not sure what to do. I have this niggling feeling there is something more to it. I've asked him over the years what is it he doesn't like. He gives a wide variety of answers. She's still mad about him breaking something 3 years ago, her food is too healthy, she's mean but can't specify what she's doing that's mean....

I want to find out what the core issue is. I don't know how to go about doing it. 


Oh and she's the only person he can't stand. Fine with all other sitters and my parents. Even my mom who he sees a lot more rarely then Grandma A.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:06 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Sparklepants747
by Queen Annie on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:07 AM

She probably continues to pull away as he continues to be disrespectful. There are ways to show dislike without saying it. 

coug7099
by Silver Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:10 AM

He is 6. Now is the time for him to learn that in life we often have to endure people that we dislike. I wouldn't leave him alone with her but I would make him treat her with respect. Maybe eventually you will see what makes him dislike her. Or he will come to love her. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:12 AM

Yes, you're right about that.

He does use his manners. Replies when spoken to, says thank you, hello/goodbye. But it is very obvious that he's using his manners and not speaking to her because he wants to. She still tries, I just can't figure out why he can't stand her. 


Quoting Sparklepants747:

She probably continues to pull away as he continues to be disrespectful. There are ways to show dislike without saying it. 


mrs.hartman12
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:15 AM

I wouldn't push it. As long as he is polite. Kids are people to and entitled to their feelings. Maybe she doesn't like him either and hides it when your around. Kids are smart about people. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, you're right about that.

He does use his manners. Replies when spoken to, says thank you, hello/goodbye. But it is very obvious that he's using his manners and not speaking to her because he wants to. She still tries, I just can't figure out why he can't stand her. 


Quoting Sparklepants747:

She probably continues to pull away as he continues to be disrespectful. There are ways to show dislike without saying it. 



Sparklepants747
by Queen Annie on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:17 AM

I was so afraid you'd be offended that I used the word disrespectful. You got what I meant though. Have you tried talking to him? What does he say? I'm sure it's just been getting worse. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, you're right about that.

He does use his manners. Replies when spoken to, says thank you, hello/goodbye. But it is very obvious that he's using his manners and not speaking to her because he wants to. She still tries, I just can't figure out why he can't stand her. 


Quoting Sparklepants747:

She probably continues to pull away as he continues to be disrespectful. There are ways to show dislike without saying it. 



Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:19 AM
Just talking to a 6 year old isn't going to convey love like hugs and physical contact would. If she is not very warm, he probably senses that and doesn't understand it like an adult or older child would. So, her rules or bad food or discipline are only going to make things worse if he already feels like she is just a babysitter and not someone who truly loves him. If it bothers grandma, then someone needs to tell her to put some more effort into showing him that she loves him and not just having a conversation with him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:19 AM

He isn't disrespectful to her. Even as a toddler we made him use his manners. 

I can see why he wouldn't like her. I just don't see why he absolutely can't stand her. The only other time he didn't like someone was a neighborhood babysitter. I found out eventually that she was slapping him on the face. It took a long time before he told me. 

I'm fine with Grandma not watching him. It really bothers my husband, though. Also, if there is a reason for him loathing her I want to know. I just am not sure how to find out for sure without asking leading questions. 

Quoting coug7099:

He is 6. Now is the time for him to learn that in life we often have to endure people that we dislike. I wouldn't leave him alone with her but I would make him treat her with respect. Maybe eventually you will see what makes him dislike her. Or he will come to love her. 


Aslen
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:22 AM
Trust your instincts
If you think there's something more to it, explore it... I would go with my gut
Aslen
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:23 AM
Did he react exactly the same way?

Quoting Anonymous:

He isn't disrespectful to her. Even as a toddler we made him use his manners. 

I can see why he wouldn't like her. I just don't see why he absolutely can't stand her. The only other time he didn't like someone was a neighborhood babysitter. I found out eventually that she was slapping him on the face. It took a long time before he told me. 

I'm fine with Grandma not watching him. It really bothers my husband, though. Also, if there is a reason for him loathing her I want to know. I just am not sure how to find out for sure without asking leading questions. 

Quoting coug7099:

He is 6. Now is the time for him to learn that in life we often have to endure people that we dislike. I wouldn't leave him alone with her but I would make him treat her with respect. Maybe eventually you will see what makes him dislike her. Or he will come to love her. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:32 AM

His story is never consistent. It's like he's hunting for reasons. He broke something a few years ago and she's still mad, her food is too healthy, I think that's his way of saying he doesn't like her food, it's definitely not overly healthy. In general he says she's mean. 

He says she doesn't yell at him or spank him and that he doesn't get in trouble a lot. He's a quiet well behaved kid by nature. Rarely gets in trouble and has always been that kid other people compliment on being so well behaved. So maybe with her he's being overly sensitive. IDK

I should probably leave well enough alone. It's just that my DH brought up having her watch our kids for the weekend and he overheard and went into hysterics. That's so not like him. Even if he doesn't like something he doesn't throw a fit about it. Even as a toddler he didn't throw fits.  He went to his room and was uncontrollably sobbing for an hour!

My 2yr old dd loves Grandma, BTW and dd is lightning in a jar. Definitely not a well behaved calm child and they have no issues. 

Quoting Sparklepants747:

I was so afraid you'd be offended that I used the word disrespectful. You got what I meant though. Have you tried talking to him? What does he say? I'm sure it's just been getting worse. 

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes, you're right about that.

He does use his manners. Replies when spoken to, says thank you, hello/goodbye. But it is very obvious that he's using his manners and not speaking to her because he wants to. She still tries, I just can't figure out why he can't stand her. 


Quoting Sparklepants747:

She probably continues to pull away as he continues to be disrespectful. There are ways to show dislike without saying it. 




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