Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I need major advice. He doesn't want to marry me.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 31 Replies

This is going to be long so I apoolgize in advance. I met my SO almost 7 years ago through a friend when I was 28 and he was 36. I instantly fell in love, he was so sweet and caring and coming out of a crappy marraige with an asshole, it was very welcoming. He wanted to take care of me and my 2 kids. He begged me to move in so I gave up everything to be with him. Long story short, I ended up giving my ex husband everything (refrigerator, beds, all furniture, even the car) to be with my SO. He said he wanted to marry me and he never wanted to marrt anyone before. I was smitten. A couple months later, I ended up pregnant. Things changed and he so did he. He was upset, nervous, and started acting out. He would go out all night with his friends, and started ignoring me and hiding in the basement. It was a rocky pregnancy and we fought a lot. I had the baby and he got a little better but he still wasn't as he was before. Our relationship got better as the years go by. We still have fights every now and then but who doesn't? Well almost 7 years later I'm still living here, and we are not married. We act married, but he has never asked me. The topic of me ot having insurnce came up and I asked why he wouldn't marry me. He said he doesn't want to. I said Never? He says probably not. I'm a mess. I have nothing of my own, I don't know how to be alone, I don't have a job, all I have is 3 kids, by two different dads. I love my SO more than anything. I can not imagine my self with any other guy. I'm 34 and have 3 kids, no one is going to want me anyways. What guy wants to take that on? Plus I can not have any more kids, nor do I want them. I have no idea how to start a life on my own with no job, no money, no car, Nothing. I don't know that I want to stay here and play house with him but I just can't imagine doing anything else. He's my best friend and We have so much fun together, and laugh all the time, I just can't imagine it any other way. Except lately, he's been a little more distant. It's starting to feel like I'm not on the top of his list. Like I don't matter as much to him. He says he does and that he loves me and it's not about love or anybody else or anything, he just doesn't want to get married. To me or anyone else. I'm torn on what to do. Do I stay and accept the fact that he will never marry me and just live like this forever? Or do I go and leave him even though I love and adore him and so does our son?  It kills me to know I would have to take my youngest son from him. I don't know what to do. Please don't just say I need to leave. Its much easier said thatn done when I have nothing to my name. I can't even drive out of here because its his car. I feel lost right now. I can't stop crying and don't want to eat anything. I'm a mess. Just need someone to hug me, I hate feeling like this!

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:11 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:14 PM
6 moms liked this

Holy cluster fuck! Get some counseling & a backbone. I wouldn't want to marry you either.

strongforthem
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:14 PM
1 mom liked this
I would stay if the only down side is not being married, and everything else is wonderful.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:16 PM

hugs

suzanneyea
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:18 PM

Well, you are in a bad position, that is true. But, it is fixable. What do you want to do for work? Do you need more education? If so, start by going back to school.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:20 PM
2 moms liked this
Get your shit together. Find a good job, get a car and leave.
myshoes
by Platinum Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:20 PM
1 mom liked this
Start finding happiness In Yourself. One little thing at a time. Let him know you understand his feelings but you need a little security, too. Save some money in your own name or with a relative. You may need to get a small pt job, to find some self confidence and self worth. You are ok. You can do this. You may not need to leave, you do need to find self worth.
momto3B
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:22 PM
3 moms liked this

Please find yourself a therapist fast - you are not going to be any good for your children much less yourself until you get the help you need to get  your life on track. 

furbabymum
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:22 PM
1 mom liked this

 Well go to counseling. It's certainly bad for you and your kids to be going from man to man because you don't know how to be alone and don't pick well. I think this is a deficiency with you. You need to figure out who you are and what you are capable of before you can find a man who will fit into your life.

olliesmommy2
by Metal Awareness on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:26 PM
Wow I'm not sure where I would start. I agree therapy, find something that will give you the courage to take your life back.
atoney15
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 4:28 PM
1 mom liked this
I have been with mt SO for almost 13 years now. We have two kids and neither one of us is all to interested in getting married. I've been married once and he's never been married. I don't feel like he loves me any less then if we were married though. You just need to decide if you can truely be happy staying in this relationship the way that it is should he choose not to marry you.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)