Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

WWYD?? *Update in red*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 36 Replies

Ok to make a long story short SD has decided that she doesn't want to go to her BM's for the summer due to the fact that she is getting a summer job she is really excited about, sports camps and wanting to have a normal teenage summer. SD is very happy about her choice and excited about all the things she has planned for the summer now. Her BM seriously freaked out at her, screaming, swearing and trying to guilt trip SD.

We haven't talked to BM since everything because BM refused to answer her phone for DH and SD refuses to call her mother again since that last time she tried her mother just screamed at her and hurt SD's feelings.
We got a letter from BM and SD read it and afterwards she was crying her eyes out and extermely hurt. I wont type the whole letter here because its long but I will put in this some "highlights" from it.

BM wrote: "There's nothing you haven't asked me to do/get/buy that I haven't done my hardest to do for you"
This is a lie, since the every time SD has asked her mother for ANYTHING her BM yells at her for bothering you by asking for anything that she needs to ask her father for anything and everything NOT BM.

BM wrote: "We pay for all your flights even though in the custody agreement your father is supposed to pay 1/2 for your visitation"
This is a lie as well, since there IS NO visitations in the custody agreement due to the fact that BM beat SD and was not granted visitations by any courts, DH decided after BM went though parent classes and anger management we would send SD for visits if SD wanted to.

BM wrote: "I pay for your phone and you call your friends, call family, text friends, text family but can't make any time to talk to me"
Another lie since before all of this SD called BM every night and told to her for at least 30 mins before bed.

BM wrote: "When you went to live with your father its because you LIED and said that I beat you with a hairbrush and extension cord and you were taken from me, you father even said to the judge that I never did that" "I let you move away with your father"
This is also a lie. She did beat SD there were bruises all over her and she was scared to death of her mother but she smart enough to tell a teacher what happened and protected herself. And DH did not say that he said he couldn't believe that BM would do such a thing to SD that he thought she was better then that. She never had a choice what happened with her once DH got full custody of her because of the abuse.

SD came down from her bedroom after reading this letter crying her eyes out that her BM would call her a liar and say these kind of things to her and lie to SD like that. SD is seeing a guidance counselor twice a week at school because of all the things with her mother (we upped the visits to twice a week from once). We dont know what to do right now, SD wants nothing to do with her BM right now and her BM hasnt even tried to get in touch with her.

Should DH try calling BM and if so what should he say to her?? Do we try and force SD to call her mother?? Do we have SD send BM a letter back?? What do we do?

BTW SD is 14 but will be 15 in June. Also we never talk badly or down to BM. Yet BM does talk badly about DH and myself all the time to SD's face.

So SD today decided to write a letter to BM about her feelings and what she thought about her BM's letter. She refuses to talk to her BM on the phone because her BM refused to talk to her so SD refuses to talk to her and instead she is sending a letter in reply to her BM's letter.
We read through the letter to make sure it was repectful and that she was behaving herself and she did. We are proud of her for standing up to her BM and sticking firm to her belief in staying home for the summer. If BM wants to see her so badly she can travel to see her NOT force her to go see her.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:24 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:28 PM

yikes!  She sounds like a horrid witch!  How old is SD?  Would you get in trouble with the courts if you went to them and said she had a job for the summer and didn't want to go to bm's?  I really don't know how the courts work, but I wish you the best.  SD doesn't need to be around bm if she's going to lie and guilt her like that.  That's really screwed up.

vamaria
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:28 PM
1 mom liked this

Keep SD home for the summer, and send a copy of the letter to your lawyer. I would not want to talk to her, either!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:35 PM

How old is she? I would not make her go either. Mabye bio mom can come to town and visit with her some. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:43 PM

SD is 14 and will be 15 this June. We have made copies of the letter, one for our records, one for our lawyer and another for SD cause she wanted a copy for herself.

Our lawyer has already said that since she was 14 years old and since there is no formal visitation in the cusody order that SD could make the choice to go visit BM or not and SD decied not to.

Its really screwed up to call your own child a liar and treat her the way BM is treating SD right now.

Quoting Anonymous:

yikes!  She sounds like a horrid witch!  How old is SD?  Would you get in trouble with the courts if you went to them and said she had a job for the summer and didn't want to go to bm's?  I really don't know how the courts work, but I wish you the best.  SD doesn't need to be around bm if she's going to lie and guilt her like that.  That's really screwed up.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:45 PM

Oh we aren't sending SD to her BM's this summer, SD doesnt want to and BM is just being cruel to SD. SD wants nothing to do with BM right now and sadly I can't blame her if I was in her shoes I would feel the same way. 

Quoting vamaria:

Keep SD home for the summer, and send a copy of the letter to your lawyer. I would not want to talk to her, either!

 

caligirl7613
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:49 PM
that is horrible. SD is a teen i would just leave the situation alone. let her decide when and if to contact BM. she is old enough to know her mind and what she wants. i wouldnt encourage her to contact BM but i wouldnt talk down about BM or discourage her either. and she deff shouldnt be going out there this summer imo
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2014 at 9:55 PM

We have never talked down about BM or anything we dont even talk about her BM. But BM makes sure to talk down about DH and myself at all times in life. We have told SD that she doesn't have to do anything she isnt comfortable with. 

Quoting caligirl7613: that is horrible. SD is a teen i would just leave the situation alone. let her decide when and if to contact BM. she is old enough to know her mind and what she wants. i wouldnt encourage her to contact BM but i wouldnt talk down about BM or discourage her either. and she deff shouldnt be going out there this summer imo

 

MommyChance
by on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:21 PM
Have SD write out her feelings, maybe even a letter to her mother. She doesn't have to send it, but once she gets it all down on paper, she might want too.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2014 at 10:47 PM

I gave SD a new diary to write down her feelings and she has been using it every night. We are hoping that once she gets everything out and talks it out at school that it will get better for her.

We just dont know what to do if or when BM does call for SD. 

Quoting MommyChance: Have SD write out her feelings, maybe even a letter to her mother. She doesn't have to send it, but once she gets it all down on paper, she might want too.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 5, 2014 at 11:28 PM
Send her for a short visit and allow bm to visit once. Mom is still important even though she is wrong.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)