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Confession: I Like Fighting With My Husband

Posted by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 10:15 AM
  • 36 Replies

Confession: I Like Fighting With My Husband

by Lisa Fogarty

Most nights, after we put our daughter to bed, my husband and I collapse on the couch and spend the next two hours chatting about random nonsense. We talk about our day, rip into the lollipops we hide from our toddler in our secret candy cabinet, and try to get through an episode of Justified without falling asleep. It's a really nice way to cap off what are almost always stressful days filled with work and mommy and daddy duties. But our nights aren't what you'd call "productive," and they certainly don't allow for much-needed me time (or, in my husband's case, him time). It's usually really easy for us to distract one another when we have something to work on at night because we really do enjoy each other's company and have a blast just making each other laugh. That's why a couple's fight is often just what the doctor ordered. 

It's not that I enjoy arguing with my husband -- I don't. The actual time we spend actively exchanging words is unpleasant, though necessary, I know. But I'd be lying if I said the few hours that stand between when our emotions boil over and when we actually make up aren't some of my most productive.

This week we had a doozy of a fight that lasted two days -- much longer than usual. The reason for our argument wasn't serious, but we both decided that -- for whatever reason -- neither of us wanted to give in on this one. We, literally, walked around each other while in the kitchen or asked one another in formal, icy Downton Abbey-like tones whether the other had changed the baby's diaper or knew of the whereabouts of her sippy cup. 

It proved a stupid, needless fight. But with all that free time on my hands and no one to shoot the breeze with at home, I was able to do the following: complete two writing projects I'd put on hold forever, pack up all of our books (we're in the process of moving), grab coffee with a friend I hadn't seen in ages, sew new brass buttons on a coat, start reading a book, and watch almost an entire season of Friday Night Lights -- a show I'd been promising myself I would try out, but couldn't get my husband to commit to watching.

Sometimes it helps to take a marriage break. I know there are couples out there who don't require an argument to break out before they can enjoy a TV series all to themselves. If you are a part of one of those couples, I'd like to take lessons from you. Or maybe we just need to move into a space that isn't a tiny New York City apartment?

How do you and your husband balance couple time with time for yourselves?

by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 10:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Janine on Feb. 10, 2014 at 11:14 AM
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After 33 years of marriage, several years ago-  We both realized that we were most happy NOT sharing a bedroom!   HE wanted the room a lot warmer than I. HE loves the TV on til late into the night, I do NOT.   And if I let him have the TV on- oh my gosh the shows he watches... SO utterly boring... politics, sports.  

If I do watch Tv in the Evening, we have distinct taste differences.  

Instead of wrangling and argueing over everything, we now have seperate bedrooms! 

I actually ADORE to retreat to my woman cave now!  Bliss!  No endless Blaze TV and hunting show or Bill oreilly! yippeee!!   I turn my thermostat down as low as I want to, I sleep so soundly now,  without his legs moving or his bad breath breathing on me.   No more being woke up at 4 in the morning when HE get restless and gets up to walk around!!

Yippee!!!! I join the Brits in rejoicing over his and hers master bedrooms.

by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 11:29 AM
2 moms liked this
I like fighting too....

Then i get make up sex.
by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 11:34 AM
1 mom liked this
We don't fight. If we have things to do, we sit in the living room together and do our own thing. It works.
by Platinum Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 11:34 AM
I like arguing, it's fun.... unless it's arguing over something serious.
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by Ruby Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 11:37 AM
My SO was in a marriage like this
His ex would make everything a fight
And still does, i hear it when they are one the phone or when his kids call their mother

It took a toll on him
And he served her papers.
by LMAO on Feb. 10, 2014 at 11:42 AM

We don't see each other enough to fight. 

by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 11:48 AM
I just tell my dh i have hw or something and he takes the kids and i stay locked up in my room til im done. Ill admit sometimes i detour into cm and maybe a few youtube videos lol
by Gold Member on Feb. 10, 2014 at 12:05 PM
I hate it but it clears the air
by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 12:18 PM
2 moms liked this

I thought this was going to be about being "productive" by working on your relationship.  THAT'S the part about fighting that I enjoy - when we sit down to make up and talk about what caused the fight and how to fix it in the future.  After 8 years, if we have a fight, it is very much needed and usually intense because someone has been holding in their resentment due to time constraints or not wanting to fight.

But this was about liking to fight because then you have an excuse to ignore each other and get some hobbies finished?  REALLY?

Not a fan.

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Footie pajamas with foldover mittens are my favorite snuggle outfits.

by on Feb. 10, 2014 at 1:54 PM

 i'm a firm beliver in th notion that it's not bad to fight, if you do it correctly.

I get all the alone tim I need and more bcause he works 2 jobs When he nds time,I snd him fishing.


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