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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

sorry but I don't go in the other room to BF questions answered and poll added

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 546 Replies
6 moms liked this

 

Poll

Question: What would you do in my situation?

Options:

I wouldn't go. I would expect DH to stay home with me

I wouldn't go. I would be fine if DH wanted to go though

I would go and BF wherever I want.

I would go and do as they ask

other


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 507

View Results

I had mine and DH'S first child about a month ago. MIL is having a birthday dinner for FIL next Friday night. I called to let her know that we would be there. She said that she wanted to let me know that they aren't comfortable with BFING so I will either need to feed baby in the other room or pump. I told her that I don't pump. I am a SAHM so I don't even have or need a pump and since I spend about 1/4 of the time or more nursing (she is a bit small so her doctor said to feed as much as she wants) its not worth the 45min to an hour drive each way if i am expexted to go in the other room to nurse. I explained that if I feed her right before we leave, she will be ready to nurse within the first 30 min. Then I will have to feed her before we leave so out of the three hours we would be there, I would be nursing for at least an hour on top of nearly 2 hours of driving. I told her that I respect that she is uncomfortable with it even if I don't understand it and that she has the right to make rules in her home but if that's her rule then me and the baby won't be there on Friday and probably won't be over until she is no longer EBF. I told her I would have DH call her to let her know if he will be there alone. She said I am being rediculous and hung up. I talked to DH and he agrees with me and isn't going without me. He said that if they want us there they will make accommodations. I use a cover to BF ( which she knows) so I don't think it is right what she is asking. Dh left her a voicemail saying that he won't be there. Now it's up to them to decide how much they want us there. ******************************************************************************************************I read through the replies and felt I would address the frequently posted ones here. Several of you suggested that I compromise and go. For those who said that, I don't think you understand the meaning of the word compromise. A compromise is when each person gives a little to make it work. They want me to go and nurse in the other room which I would be doing 1/3 to 1/2 of the time we would be there. I want to be able to go be out with everyone else. IMO the only compromise to be made is for me to stay home, being fine with DH going if he wants and not having any having hard feelings to them over it. Doing exactly what they want is not a compromise. Some of you have asked what the big deal is in going to the other room. The big deal is what's the point in having an almost 2 hour round trip drive to be there for 3 hours if I will be spending 1/2 to 1/3 of the time in the other room by myself? Yes, I can have quite time with the baby as many have pointed out but I can do that in the comfort of my own home without the 2 hour round trip drive. Maybe some don't get this but it seems very ilsolating to go to someone's home just to be pushed in the back bedroom alone. On top of that, if MIL expects me to spend that much time alone, I am clearly not really wanted there. For those who suggest I am coming between DH and his parents, he is welcome to go HE doesn't want to. That should have been something they considered might happen when they decided to make a rule that makes it impracticable for his wife and child to come. And yes I do use a cover and I told MIL that because at first, I thought that was the problem. I understand they have the right to make any rule they want in their home but they have to accept that I have the right to decide that it's not worth going because of the rules. I also have no expectation that they will change this rule to get us to come. If they decide that they would rather us come and me nurse (covered) out with everyone else then us not come at all, great but if they stick to their rule that's fine too.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2014 at 6:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:00 PM
23 moms liked this

 You can't write the rules in their home, and your husband is being an ass by not going.  I understand why you wouldn't go, but that's his father. 

Crymsm
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:00 PM
Do you cover around people?
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:02 PM
5 moms liked this
For the record, I will have no hard feelings if they don't change their minds. It's just a matter of it's not with the 2 hour round trip drive to go and spend that much of the time in a dusty guest bedroom by myself.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:05 PM
13 moms liked this
Quoting Dzyre1115:

 You can't write the rules in their home, and your husband is being an ass by not going.  I understand why you wouldn't go, but that's his father. 

Which is why I am not going if that is the rule. Dh isn't going because he would rather spend the evening with me and our DD. Yes that is his father but I am his wife and she is his child.
BAMFSFW
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:06 PM
15 moms liked this

Good for DH! You are not being ridiculous. 

4girlsmum
by Silver Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:06 PM
7 moms liked this

I am an avid breastfeeding mom, bf all 5 kids and currently bfing baby, but I think you are being unreasonable, could there be a reason you are being difficult?  Is there some tension in the relationship otherwise?

caligirl7613
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:06 PM
5 moms liked this
she stated in her OP that she uses a cover and MIL is aware of this........OP i think you were right in what you said. you respect their "rule"* eye roll* and simply stated because you could not comply with it, instead of disrespecting *again, eye roll* them you would simply not attend. i dont find that rude in any way. Especially since you use a cover and they are aware of this.

Quoting Crymsm: Do you cover around people?
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:06 PM
Quoting Crymsm: Do you cover around people?
Yes and she knows that because I told her thinking that was the problem.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:07 PM
2 moms liked this
It must be breastfeeding night tonight.
Crymsm
by Platinum Member on Feb. 11, 2014 at 7:08 PM
Yeah she should chill out then

Quoting Anonymous:
Quoting Crymsm: Do you cover around people?


Yes and she knows that because I told her thinking that was the problem.
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