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Am I wrong? What should I do?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies
I am a youth minister and work closely with many homeless and less fortunate groups in our community. I am a jeans, pony tail and t-shirt kind of girl. My DH is a banker and works hard to make sure that we have nice cars, private school for the kids. Anything that we want.

My problem, is stupid I'm sure, but it am hurt after everything that was said last night.

EVERY holiday DH gets me jewelry. I hate Jewlery. The only time I have ever asked for Jewlery is for my pandora bracelet and something called a Mississippi snowball set. I have been very clear that while I appreciate him getting me nice expensive Jewlery, I don't want any more. I wear my wedding bands, a religious medal, and some dangle earrings. I wear my nice watch on Sundays or to formal parties but I hate wearing the nice stuff every day. It is embarrassing when your wearing 2000 in Jewlery and feeding homeless or helping an abused woman.

So yesterday he thought he would be cute and give me my valentines present early. A freaking $600 Micheal Kors watch. I told him over and over not to get me anything or if he did I wanted a new lunch box set.
I told him thank you it was nice and put it back in the box. I don't know why I am so upset, but I am hurt that less than a week ago I told him I didn't want anything like this.

He proceeds to tell me that I am ungrateful and I need to dress more like a lady than a 15 year old girl. He can't believe I don't like it. It old him it is beautiful. He told me that i am just always looking to pick a fight. thats why i really dont like it. He told me he would take it back so i gave it back to him, that just made it worse. I am just not going to wear it except n Sundays. To be honest I don't even wear the one I have now more than once a month to church. I hate the showyness of them.

I don't know why I just want to cry. It's silly
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MamaSusieQ045
by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:54 AM
I think you most likely have the feeling he isn't listening to you, maybe that's why your so hurt
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:57 AM
I am upset that he isn't listening to me. I asked him if he even thought to himself once that I wouldn't want it. He said no he thought I would love it. Like I said it is beautiful but shoot. I would have been happier with a watch that tracks my running that I have been asking for for 2 years! I REFUSE to spend that much money on myself. The watch I want is $100-180

Quoting MamaSusieQ045: I think you most likely have the feeling he isn't listening to you, maybe that's why your so hurt
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:57 AM
I'm sorry. My ex used to do that. I just don't like the look of diamonds and don't wear jewelry but every moms day or valentines or Christmas I would get a diamond necklace.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 14, 2014 at 9:59 AM
Now I feel like a terrible person for not wanting it.
MonarchMom22
by Bronze Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:00 AM

It sounds like he wants you to be a different kind of person than you are... And that you don't feel he appreciates you for yourself.

The gift is just a symptom of the underlying problem.  He may feel the same way , that you don't appreciate all he does for you.  

LadyIQ
by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:00 AM

Its not the jewelry. Its that he doesnt see YOU. Meaning he is dressing the woman he wants you to be instead of appreciating who you really are. When he gives you something you obviously do not want he is telling you in essence to change. 

Yes, its nice that he can afford it and think you are worthy of it, but the gift he is giving is less about you and more about him and what kind of gift is that really.

Its not silly.

alexsmomaubrys2
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:05 AM

It sounds like you two are at different places in your life and I really think you two could benefit from marriage counseling to get on the same page and to learn how to communicate with each other more effectively. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:09 AM

I think he should by now be able to tell what type of woman his wife is. He can't force you to like wearing things you don't like wearing. I really do see both sides, but I have to agre if you've made it clear to him he should know by now.

VicVinegar
by Gold Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:12 AM

I really think you guys could both use some marriage counseling. Also you should both read the book The Five Love Languages.

Good luck!

Fulgent.Drinker
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 10:22 AM

 OK, I'm a Rez girl, born and breed.... I can scum down with the best of them, but even I realized young that sometimes we need to dress up for our men and put on all our bobbles and look classy and super feminine.   They appreciate it, a lot.  I dislike jewelry also, especially real expensive jewelry,  but lord would that man keep buying it, and I'd put it in my jewellery safe and would pull it out every now and then just for him. 

Then as I got older, more and more I had to dress the part, be it at court, meetings, balls or the opera or such, and damn I was glad then I had all those fancy bobbles and dresses. You never know where your life's headed one day you might be thankful you have that and he cared enough to get it for you.

My husband passed later and you know what, those bobbles are sitting there as an investment in case there's ever a rainy day. :::wink:::

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