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Need SM/SD relationship advice PLEASE!!!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies
Background: DF and I met through SD and DD being best friends, 5 years ago, our daughters are both 12 years old (now). DF and I were friends for 3 years before going on our first date. Our kids always asked when we were going to date and get married and were very excited when things got romantic and then serious. DF and I have been together for 1.5 years, living together for 1, engaged for 6 weeks. Long before we dated, my SDs were part of my life and dear to me. We now all live together and DF and I have all 4 children full time. BD is a deadbeat and BM pretends to be a mom with annual summer visits (girls go to see her for a month, 1800 miles away) and sporadic phone calls. I take them to school, activities, doctor appts, help with homework, buy their clothes, sign their slips from school, watch them perform for choir, etc. I try to support and love them every way possible. The kids also have a lot in the way of clothes, technology, privileges, etc. I think we give all 4 kids a very good life.

Issue: 12 year old SD constantly asks for things that are way above and beyond and makes me feel crappy when I say no to Starbucks, gifts for friends (Valentines day), fast food after school, pedicures, etc. SD battles with depression so I think that is the reason why it bothers me so much when she acts sad, I try very hard to make her happy. (Yes, she sees a therapist for the depression).

Example: This morning, the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm disappointed that I didn't get any candy, that's what parents are supposed to do... You don't let me have a boyfriend...". DF is at work and we DO have some little gifts for all of the kids for later on. Note: BM surprisingly sent a huge box of chocolate for the two SDs last week (I think she was referring to that in her comment). Anyway, when she said this, I smiled, said, "Good Morning" and walked away.

Any suggestions on how to handle this type of situation? Anyone have experience with this?
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 14, 2014 at 2:52 PM
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Replies (1-9):
Ms_mom_81
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:06 PM

Well, part of it sounds like she is being a typical teenager.  Sure, she has a worthless mother but you don't have to over compensate for that. Just keep doing what you are doing. It is ok if you say no to things. I do it all the time and it gets easier. I sure don't feel bad either.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:13 PM
Thanks, good words of advice!

Quoting Ms_mom_81:

Well, part of it sounds like she is being a typical teenager.  Sure, she has a worthless mother but you don't have to over compensate for that. Just keep doing what you are doing. It is ok if you say no to things. I do it all the time and it gets easier. I sure don't feel bad either.

Texor
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 3:17 PM

She is a 12 yr old.  This really is just about that, not about SM and SD relationship.  I promise.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 15, 2014 at 11:08 AM
She's being a typically bratty 12 year old. And she's testing the waters. Keep doing what your doing. She knows you can't afford those things for her bit she wants to see if she can guilt you.
JC2223
by Platinum Member on Feb. 15, 2014 at 11:14 AM

 Sounds more like a typical self-centered, unappreciative 12yo, not a SM/SD problem. Keep doing what you're doing, but I would have a discussion with her father and see if the two of you can change the household up a bit for all 4 kids to learn to appreciate and earn the things they have.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2014 at 11:17 AM
I appreciate the support, I worried about being bashed.
viv212
by Ruby Member on Feb. 15, 2014 at 11:17 AM
Mm hmm typical for her age. I have SD's too and what I started telling them is they get no special treatment from me. I'm going to do for them and treat them as if they were my own. If that means answers will be "no" then that's the way it is.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 15, 2014 at 11:18 AM
Don't let her start the crying manipulation with you. It's not good for either of you in the long run.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2014 at 11:22 AM
Bump
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