But I'm not. I can feel a breakdown coming on now that DD is asleep and I'm alone in bed with my thoughts. I wonder what we'd have done to celebrate our one year wedding anniversary today. I wonder where our marriage went wrong and I wonder if there was anything I could've done to save it.. I felt like I tried everything. I wonder if he's treating the OW.. now his girlfriend.. to dinner and a movie. I wonder if he bought her flowers today.. I never got those. He has me blocked entirely from his life.. I haven't heard from him since he left in October and next month our divorce will be final. He acts as though I never existed and I'm sick of having to pretend the same. I'm tired of wearing a fake smile every day and I'm tired of letting him creep into my mind when he deserves no part of me at all. I hate having to tell myself to not miss him.. that he never existed. The man in the pictures is nothing but a stranger to me and he has been a stranger for a while now. My heart doesn't hurt.. but my entire body aches. I just don't understand how someone can love someone enough to marry them and then leave and act like they've never existed.. like they never met/knew each other. I'm not even sure if I miss him exactly.. I just feel so empty.
Sorry, vent over.