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My Husband wants me to raise a child he created while cheating.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 159 Replies
1 mom liked this

My husband and I have been together for 13 years.  We have had a son and a daughter in that time, and I have a child from my previous marriage.  My husband has been unfaithful on more than one occasion, even going so far as to sleep with my best friend and lie when I caught them together.  My husband, in the course of his infidelities, has fathered two other children.  One of these children has now been put into state custody because the mother is a drug addict felon who has apparently not been taking care of her children, and she is pregnant with another as well.  When we got the call about this child being put into state's custody, I gave my husband a call (he works out of state and is gone most of the time) and let him know what is going on and gave him the appropriate phone numbers.  Since then, my husband has asked much of me, expecting me to take care of all of this for him, on top of expecting me to bring this child into my home and raise him as my own.  He has been very demanding and critical and I am beginning to become indifferent to the situation all together.  

I know this is a child in need, and as a mother, I do feel the need to help.  I do, however, question my ability to care for this child equally to the care I give my own children, and I feel like a terrible person for those doubts.  I have long ago given up having a fairytale marriage, I gave up on my dream of ever having a wedding and all the trappings that come with "happily every after" but I never thought I would be in this situation.  I am currently stuck in my marriage, I am a homemaker and I have no viable job skills, which makes it difficult with three kids.  I am working on my degree and had hoped to be self-sufficient after getting my degree and having the option to create my own home with my children if I chose to.  This situation makes that hope difficult, this is because even though I really don't want to take on this child, if I do, I could never abandon a child.  

I guess my question to all of you is....am I a bad person for not really wanting to take on this child?  I just feel so mean for doubting my ability to love this poor child who has already had a rough go at life.  I feel bad for worrying about the lawyer's fees cutting into my down payment on a house I have waited 13 years to buy, and feeling mad at him (hubby not the child) because all the expenses are making my daughter's 6th birthday party all but impossible.  I do not have the resources to leave, so that is not an option, honestly, I'm not sure I have any options at all but to concede to his wishes, which is what I always do anyway.  

Anyway, I just needed to vent and any feedback will be appreciated.

Update:

I asked for advice, not to be further insulted by others.  If you think I am stupid, if you think I should cram my kids into a shelter rather than stay in my house, you have been heard!  First, the only shelter in my area is a battered women's shelter, they do not allow males over the age of 14, and my oldest boy is 16...should I leave him behind?  I have no family that can help, I have no job and no skills.  I am in college, my husband is rarely in the home, ok?  So, yes I am weak, stupid, blah blah blah, I wanted advice not to be insulted.  I have decided that we will petition to terminate the mother's rights since she is about to go to prison anyway, it shouldn't be too difficult.  That way, the boy is mine and when I leave, I do not have to worry about being forced to abandon a child who has already been through too much.  It isn't his fault that his father is a sorry human being and that his mother is a whore.  Perhaps God put him in my path so that he will have a chance at life.  Yes, I am planning on leaving but I refuse to leave anyone behind or uproot my children only to put them in a worse situation.  Yes, he is a good dad and yes, he is a horrible husband, and yes, I should have gone to school a long time ago so that I could leave.

Update:

We received the court papers in the mail yesterday.  After reading everything that these children have been put through, I couldn't care less where this child came from or the circumstances.  The stuff I read in those papers was HORRIBLE!!  I don't care how many people think I am stupid, or that I should leave, I feel that this has been dropped in my lap for a reason and I intend to do everything I can to save that little boy from having to ever go back into that situation.  This goes far beyond where the boy came from, this is abuse, neglect, and flat out danger these children were living in, I almost wish I could take all three of the children living in that house of horrors.  I pray those children find safe, loving, and stable homes as well. 

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:24 PM
7 moms liked this
Run. Divorce him. He can raise the child if he wants to, but truly it's not your responsibility.
bamlog10112
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:25 PM
1 mom liked this
Sorry mama thats a sticky situation im not sure what id do. Heres a bump
SadiasMomma
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:27 PM
5 moms liked this
Life is far too fucking short to live miserably. Go and be happy!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:29 PM
Why the hell have you stuck around? If a free place to live is that important just raise the other kid.
Nutball3
by on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:32 PM
1 mom liked this
No. That does not make you a bad person. That makes you human and your limits are being tested. If you can't do it you can't do it. I couldn't and I would be damned if my "husband" would pressure me into it. There is no other family for the child?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:33 PM

I couldn't do it.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:34 PM

I don't think it is as simple as a "free place to live" do you?  It's obvious you have never been in a situation where you can leave and be destitute or you can stay and provide what is necessary for your children.  I don't have any resources, I have my kids and my ongoing education.  

Quoting Anonymous: Why the hell have you stuck around? If a free place to live is that important just raise the other kid.
msjaxon
by Platinum Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:34 PM
6 moms liked this
If you are going to stay WITH HIM then yes you need to get over yourself and raise this innocent child who needs parents. Otherwise who cares??
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AccioJessie
by Silver Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:35 PM
I wouldn't
KairisMama
by Sapphire Member on Feb. 14, 2014 at 11:36 PM

 DIVORCE HIM!

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