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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Is it ok for people of average or higher intelligence

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
to have a relationship with someone whose IQ puts them just barely in the intellectually disabled(edit - not mentally retarded, my bad) category? Is it taking advantage?
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 16, 2014 at 8:38 PM
Replies (211-219):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 45 on Feb. 18, 2014 at 3:47 AM

I have an above average IQ, and I once dated a guy who had lower IQ.  I didn't know much about him before the date, except that he was really attractive.  He went to a regular school and had a job.  Well, a couple hours into our date, I wouldn't have been surprised if he was classified as mildly mentally handicapped.  I kept getting this creepy feeling that I was some kind of child predator...that I was taking advantage of someone.   He was my age, but it still felt so wrong!  I don't know how anyone could do it.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 18, 2014 at 7:08 AM
Damned if I do, damned if I don't, lol.

Quoting Anonymous: I hate that term intellectually disabled. I think its worse than mentally retarded. And I work with this population.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 42 on Feb. 18, 2014 at 7:12 AM
It has nothing to do with you. I've hated it since they changed several years ago.

Quoting Anonymous: Damned if I do, damned if I don't, lol.



Quoting Anonymous: I hate that term intellectually disabled. I think its worse than mentally retarded. And I work with this population.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 46 on Feb. 18, 2014 at 8:22 AM

I sometimes question it myself with my dh and I. I am very intellectually smart and received straight A's all throughout school and collage and graduated with a masters. My DH on the other hand barley managed to graduate high school and can hardly read above a 3rd grade level. He has severe dyslexia and severe ADHD and was always in a special classroom. But he is so smart in other ways like technical and mathematical. He has an awesome job and makes six figures but he is just not book smart and never will be and that's okay. He learns from me and I learn things from him. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 47 on Feb. 18, 2014 at 8:36 AM
Depends on the level of the mental handicap...If that person is of mind and able to clearly consent, then why not.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 48 on Feb. 18, 2014 at 8:39 AM
I don't think so because I have a real life example. My brother is 31 and started Dating an 18yr old (normally I wouldn't mention age like that but it plays a factor in this situation. When this girl was little she was accidentally struck in the head with a crowbar,was in a coma for a little while I guess,was also in a car accident....

This girl,oh this girl...she uses her fingers to count,(like if she was adding 6 plus 4) if she can't count it on her fingers she can't add it. She talks like a kid,liberry ambalence ect... And she's just dumb as a box of rocks in general,

SHE THOUGHT THE EARTH WAS FLAT!!! We were watching a documentary and she learned the world was round and it blew her mind.

She has a job at a daycare,has a car... I'm sure she will make it as an adult on her own but geez it took her sooo long to get rid of my brother. He was using her,he told me that...

So IMO if someone has the intention to use then it is wrong
LetoLiebe
by Silver Member on Feb. 18, 2014 at 9:15 AM

So. wait a minute. Did these two people meet and bring their certified IQ scores with them and compare the numbers or is it just known that one of them is lower, much lower, on the IQ spectrum because that person has been tested in the past and professionaly documented as such, or is this an assumption by outsiders or one or both parties involved that one is very bright and the other is...well...not? You know there is a difference between what a Mensa member may findto be "slow" and what the real guide lines are, and sadly, I would not put it past a member of Mensa to want to compare the numbers on paper, even if the date is with a fellow member. I know about this intellectualsnobery first hand. My mom is a member of Mensa and a class A intellectual snob woman. Even with my sister's and my well "above average" intelligence scores we were still seen a couple of reckless simpletons half the time in her eyes, lol...I also dated a real rocket scientist who worked for NASA for a while and he wasd a member of Mensa and he would sit there after their little get togethers and recant the fun they had with various brain teasers and riddles. He would be so delighted with him self when he answerd it first, true story. ZZZzzz....SNORE.....

I'm not sure what is going on with this couple you speak of or what you're getting at but my opinion is that if two people love each other and really care for each other, as long as one is not really mentally handicapped and is living a fully independent, striving forward and functional life I think it is fine. Who am I to say one is taking advantage of the other in such a case. I don't know how well it would work out in the long run, or what the draw is for one or the other, but it's not my relationship so not my business. 

If the person is truly mentally handicapped though and the bright person knows it I would find it wrong. Also, if the IQ is professionally proven to be well, well below average and the above average IQ person knows that I would personally wonder what it is they are looking for in a realtionship. I would assume that there are some needs for control and superiority in that very bright person and if the lower intelligence person where some one that was a close family member or very good friend I would be conscious of it and be mindful of anything I may happen to witness first hand that seems off, like the brighter person using his or her intelligence to his or her advantage over the other person in things related to money, other romantic interest or wearing the less intelligent person down with various manipulation tactics, insults or treatments, but I would still never step in and say anything unless I saw some real danger for my loved one and I would also not underestimate the depth or validity of their feelings for each other unless I saw or heard something to the contrary first hand either.  

supercarp
by on Feb. 18, 2014 at 11:37 AM

 My ex's new wife is stupid and self absorbed, but what she is good at is bolstering his ego constantly.

Quoting Anonymous: My ex bf expressed that to me when we were together. He moved on and got married. His wife is definitely on the slow side. He prefers her that way. I wasn't

I'm with you though it's important to me that my husband and I have a mental connection. I love that we can have intellectual conversations.

Quoting supercarp:

Some men do it all the time. They feel insecure around intelligent women. And a magazine or a picture in a computer has no mentality at all.


I personally could never do that because part of what is attractive to me is a person's intellect.

 

bmommyx2
by Silver Member on Feb. 23, 2014 at 5:02 PM

you need to give more info.  Are they with them so they can take advantage or becaue the truely like / love them?

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