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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Disgusted with DH's tobacco addiction

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 44 Replies
When we started dating over a decade ago DH was a smoker. I made it clear that I wasn't interested in being with someone who used tobacco. He "quit" as far as I knew, but in reality he just didn't do it around me and used Nicorette when we were together for long periods.

Eventually this all came out and he stopped smoking and took up chewing tobacco. He really quit using all tobacco briefly when our son was born but it didn't last long and he was soon hiding cigarettes and chewing tobacco. This had continued in cycles ever since.

I am so fucking sick of it. I've got an 8 year old who idolizes his Dad. No amount of anti-tobacco education at school and warnings from me will have an impact if his father chews. AND I'm paying hundreds in prescriptions for DH (blood pressure meds, inhalers, allergy meds, cholesterol meds, etc). Why are we wasting money prolonging his life while he is simultaneously wasting money on tobacco?!

I know that an addict can't quit until they are ready and all that bullshit, but I am done with this now!

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2014 at 6:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Justine1993
by Gold Member on Feb. 21, 2014 at 6:47 AM
3 moms liked this
Shouldve ended it in the beginning why should he change for you if u don't love him for him flaws and all then too bad
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2014 at 6:47 AM
I am leaving my husband because he is a type 2 diabetic that smokes and won't even try to quit. I will not stand by and watch him kill himself.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2014 at 6:48 AM
It doesn't work that way when you have kids.

Quoting Justine1993: Shouldve ended it in the beginning why should he change for you if u don't love him for him flaws and all then too bad
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 21, 2014 at 6:51 AM
Kids who are raised in smoking/chewing households are more likely to do it themselves. It's not a matter of "accepting" him, it's a matter of not fucking my kids over.

Quoting Justine1993: Shouldve ended it in the beginning why should he change for you if u don't love him for him flaws and all then too bad
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2014 at 6:54 AM
That's how it was with my first husband. Our compromise was no evidence of smoking around me. The only cigarette I saw was after his mother died (and I'm not going to fault a man for that). In ten years, it wasn't a huge issue. The few times I saw a pack of cigarettes, I threw them out because he was a 'nonsmoker' in our lives.
After the divorce, he remarried a smoker. Now, he reeks of smoke constantly. Our kids realized he smoked a few years back and are ashamed of him. Both the disgusting smell and the filthy habit are an embarrassment. The kids get sick at his house from the smoke and can no longer stay overnight, so it has affected his relationship with them in that way too.
polkaspots
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2014 at 6:54 AM
You say it came out before your kid was born, were you already pregnant?
I think your husband was wrong to lie to you. I'm a smoker, but he knew I wasn't going to quit for him. I quit for babies. If you're not happy being with him, then you should get divorced. It's that simple.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 21, 2014 at 6:58 AM
I very stupidly did not live with DH until we got married, and I ended up pregnant a month after the wedding.

I was too trusting and easy to fool apparently.

Quoting polkaspots: You say it came out before your kid was born, were you already pregnant?

I think your husband was wrong to lie to you. I'm a smoker, but he knew I wasn't going to quit for him. I quit for babies. If you're not happy being with him, then you should get divorced. It's that simple.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 21, 2014 at 7:00 AM
Almost all the people i know that smoke have parents that DO NOT SMOKE and people i know that i know that do smoke grew up with parents that didn't smoke... i found it very intetesting when i found out.

Quoting Anonymous: Kids who are raised in smoking/chewing households are more likely to do it themselves. It's not a matter of "accepting" him, it's a matter of not fucking my kids over.



Quoting Justine1993: Shouldve ended it in the beginning why should he change for you if u don't love him for him flaws and all then too bad
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 21, 2014 at 7:14 AM
Anecdotally that may be true, but the statistics show again and again, smokers raise future smokers.
http://mobile.reuters.com/article/idUSBRE9740YD20130805?irpc=932

https://www.purdue.edu/newsroom/releases/2013/Q3/study-teens-smoking-influenced-by-older-siblings,-parents-lifelong-smoking-habits.html

http://www.cdc.gov/tobacco/data_statistics/fact_sheets/youth_data/tobacco_use/?mobile=nocontent


Quoting Anonymous: Almost all the people i know that smoke have parents that DO NOT SMOKE and people i know that i know that do smoke grew up with parents that didn't smoke... i found it very intetesting when i found out.



Quoting Anonymous: Kids who are raised in smoking/chewing households are more likely to do it themselves. It's not a matter of "accepting" him, it's a matter of not fucking my kids over.





Quoting Justine1993: Shouldve ended it in the beginning why should he change for you if u don't love him for him flaws and all then too bad
polkaspots
by Platinum Member on Feb. 21, 2014 at 7:15 AM
1 mom liked this
That sucks. His addiction isn't going to go away though, so what are you going to do? Are you going to do something about it or are you just venting? Let's say you divorce him and live separately, he's still the dad. The only one who would get away from the tobacco is you.

Quoting Anonymous: I very stupidly did not live with DH until we got married, and I ended up pregnant a month after the wedding.



I was too trusting and easy to fool apparently.



Quoting polkaspots: You say it came out before your kid was born, were you already pregnant?


I think your husband was wrong to lie to you. I'm a smoker, but he knew I wasn't going to quit for him. I quit for babies. If you're not happy being with him, then you should get divorced. It's that simple.
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