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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

trial separation?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies
Have you tried this? What was the outcome? Were kids involved? Who moved out? How were expenses handled?

My confession: I feel like I don't like my husband. I think I'd always love him...we've been thru a lot, but I don't want that be the only reason we are together. I told him this and said I thought I may move out and he said a simple ok. I think he feels the same too, but we've just invested so much time together it's hard to let go. He says I have changed, I wish he would change...we met young in our party years and now, I think about our kids, responsibilities, all that jazz and he still wants to party. He went to jail once a while ago for dumb stuff, recently lost his job to more dumb stuff. I just feel like 20 years from now we will resent each other. I know it sounds lame, but there is a lot more to this story.

Anyway, just curious about seperation. I wonder if it might help, either confirm that we are happier apart or show us we really want to work to be together.

I take my vows seriously. I meant what I said, till death do us part. But is it fair to both us to be miserable?
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 23, 2014 at 11:00 PM
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Replies (1-8):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 23, 2014 at 11:03 PM
I've never done it, but would consider it in your situation. I don't know how I'd split things. I'd say for him to stay with friends or family and do every other weekend thing.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 24, 2014 at 10:07 PM


Quoting Anonymous: I've never done it, but would consider it in your situation. I don't know how I'd split things. I'd say for him to stay with friends or family and do every other weekend thing.

That would be ideal, especially financially, but he feels like he isn't going to pay for a house for me to stay in while he lives somewhere else. 

It's kind of difficult. =/

texasgirl77
by Gold Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 10:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Do y'all own a house together? Do you have a job? If you're really doing a trial separation, YOU need to be responsible for your expenses. However, one option would be to get a month by month hotel room. Then split weeks at the house and the hotel. That way the kids get to stay settled in one place where they are more comfortable. Like one week you stay at the hotel and he's at the house. The next week you stay in the house and he stays at the hotel. But you need to be aware that it needs to be like it would be if you were to divorce so you'll really know how it is. That means you pay your bills and he pays his. Since the kids would be with y'all 50/50 during the trial separation, there wouldn't be child support. You need to be prepared to buy your own gas, food, rent, etc.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 24, 2014 at 10:25 PM

I have 2 part time jobs and am a nursing student. I like the idea of a hotel and keeping the kiddos at the house. I worry about myself paying for things and I worry about him supporting himself. We own a house together, but i'm not sure if he can pay for everything on his own.

I also don't want to stay in a bad relationship solely b/c of financial insufficinecies. I guess that is where I am stuck. I also don't want to seem like I am only staying for financial comfort until school is done. Does that make sense?

IDK, its just a tough situation.

LEOWifePlus6
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 10:27 PM

sometimes seperations shows you that there is something good her to work on and other times it shows that being apart is better than being together.  I have seen a few friends go through a trial seperation.  If you both agree it's probably a good idea.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 24, 2014 at 10:29 PM


Quoting LEOWifePlus6:

sometimes seperations shows you that there is something good her to work on and other times it shows that being apart is better than being together.  I have seen a few friends go through a trial seperation.  If you both agree it's probably a good idea.

That is kind of my thought, I know its silly, but you hear of people seperating and then coming together and being happier than ever. 

I'm just kind of curious how it worked out for others. 

LEOWifePlus6
by Bronze Member on Feb. 24, 2014 at 10:43 PM

one of my friends separated and he came back and was much better from it.  the other it went the opposite way.  He was happy to have his freedom and he could care less about the marriage.  Yrs later he was sorry he picked to divorce, but nothing could change his mind when it could have saved their marriage

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting LEOWifePlus6:

sometimes seperations shows you that there is something good her to work on and other times it shows that being apart is better than being together.  I have seen a few friends go through a trial seperation.  If you both agree it's probably a good idea.

That is kind of my thought, I know its silly, but you hear of people seperating and then coming together and being happier than ever. 

I'm just kind of curious how it worked out for others. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 24, 2014 at 11:26 PM
Before we were married we had major issues, we ended up separating. It sucked, but was good for us. But then it was an easy thing to do, ya know? Now when you mix in kids, mortgage, bills, marriage it makes it so difficult...I just want to know if he truly likes the person I've become? I can only think distance would bring about realization; getting out of our comfort zone. Guess we'll never know until it's tried.

Quoting LEOWifePlus6:

one of my friends separated and he came back and was much better from it.  the other it went the opposite way.  He was happy to have his freedom and he could care less about the marriage.  Yrs later he was sorry he picked to divorce, but nothing could change his mind when it could have saved their marriage

Quoting Anonymous:


Quoting LEOWifePlus6:

sometimes seperations shows you that there is something good her to work on and other times it shows that being apart is better than being together.  I have seen a few friends go through a trial seperation.  If you both agree it's probably a good idea.

That is kind of my thought, I know its silly, but you hear of people seperating and then coming together and being happier than ever. 

I'm just kind of curious how it worked out for others. 


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