There's a new mom label in town, ladies: Slacker Mom. Who is slacker mom, you ask? Well, she may be your friend, your coworker, maybe even you?! She's intimidating as all get out, and not because she's Super Mom incarnate -- you know, the woman who wouldn't let a centimeter of plastic within a 50-mile radius of their child/the woman who breastfeeds twins while French braiding her toddler's hair. Slacker Mom is, so they say, terrifying, because she DGAF. And she'll make you feel like a loser for bathing and feeding your children. Just kidding. Kind of.
All of us have likely encountered Slacker Mom before. She sort of brags about being a "bad mom" in a sanctimommy way, if you know what I mean. Of course, she's probably a lot more capable/loving/attentive than she makes herself seem, but being a Slacker Mom has sort of become her identity.
How do you know if you're talking to a Slacker Mom? She's likely said one of the 10 following things:
1. "You read your toddler bedtime stories?! Ha! That's so lame! I send my 3-year-old with an Us Weekly and start drankin'!"
2. "My daughter watched about four hours of Yo Gabba Gabba today. Wanna know what I did? Nothin'!"
3. "My son usually wakes up around 7, and then around 9 or so, I'll go and grab him."
4. "You make your kid's food from scratch? What a loser! If it ain't in a can or a package, I ain't buyin' it."
5. "I usually put my kids down around 5, so I can unwind."
6. "You haven't had a night out in a year? Peshaw! I'll let anyone with a pulse watch my kids. And even that is up for discussion."
7. "Eh, I'll let my kid cry for three to four hours before checking up on them. It's fiiiiine."
8. "You use organic, biodegradable diapers? What a waste of money. I use a paper towel and some washi tape."
9. "Never mind breastfeeding, I'm not even bottle feeding! I'm letting my kid fend for themselves!"
10. "When I was 5, my parents left me home alone for a week with nothing but a switch blade and a case of water and I'm fine. Would I do that to my kids? Probably not."
Do you know any Slacker Moms?