My dh and I have been married for two years. We have a 3 year ds. His ex wife has kept their kids from him for since he left her. She's vidictive. The other day, my dh found out where they lived. He wants to go over there, but I don't want his kids to be part of our lives. We have a happy little family. I don't need their drama messing with my life. What can I do to change his mind?
He drove by their house the other night. Her bf/dh(?) was outside talking to another neighbor. Apparently, the 3rd time my dh drove by the guy stopped him to see what he was up to. My dh told him who he was and the guy laughed at him! WTF! Who does that? Anyway, the guy gave my dh his ex's phone number and told him to go home. He was going to call her today while he was at work because it was too late last night. I'm so nervous. I wish I could listen to their phone call!!! I will update later this afternoon when I hear what my dh says.
I've been reading everyone's comments. I'm not replying because no one really understands what I'm going through except a select few. The rest of you are just mean!
He called her yesterday. Her dh told her that he was driving by the house. She was glad her dh was outside because she didn't want him just showing up at their front door like it was no big deal. Dh said she just kind of listened to what he had to say (he wouldn't tell me what he told her though) then at the end she promised she would talk to the kids to see what they wanted to do. He did say he yelled at her because it's not the kids' decision, that she should act like a mother and make them see him. The kids are older though so I hope they decide they don't want him in their life. I'm not sure when she will call Dh back, but I will update when they talk.
They just got off the phone. I tried to listen to the conversation, but he went into another room. His oldest wants to see him Friday night. I'm devastated. In case you didn't read through the 400+ comments: I'm afraid that his kids will try to replace my kid or that his ex will want to get back with him. I'm scared that my little family will fall apart.
I have to reiterate that I did NOT know about his kids when we got together, engaged, pregnant or even married. I asked him the day we were married, but he didn't come straight out and tell me. It took weeks before I knew there were other kids. I didn't want to do to my child what his ex did to theirs: leave them fatherless.
There isn't a custody order that I know of. I still have not seen the child support order, but he does pay it. I don't know how much he pays though; I don't see his checks...I only see what is deposited into the bank.
So back to the conversation. They are supposed to meet at a local skate park. It was the kid's idea. I think he is bringing his friends too. Dh seemed mad that the younger two kids didn't want to see him. He was yelling at his ex again for not being a mother. I kind of smiled when that happened. He's just pushing her away again.
I'm going to be on pins and needles for the next 48 hours. Thank you to the few ladies who understand where I'm coming from. I will update again after my world falls apart.
I just have to say what hypocrites you ladies are. I read a similar post to mine a few days ago, and all of you were like "oh, it's ok to feel this way." "I completely understand where you are coming from." "I wouldn't want them in our lives either." It's utter bs on here.
Anyway, it's been a busy two weeks. My dh went to meet his son and his friends. He waited for hours. He didn't have his number and doesn't really know what he looks like anymore. As he was leaving, the girl at the front desk asked him if he was Mr. .... and handed him a note. It read:
Was the wait filled with anxiety and stress? Did you eye every kid who you thought might have been me? How many times did your smile quickly fade as the realization that it was a stranger? Now you know what you did to us.
I never had a change of heart. I didn't plan on meeting you tonight. I'm also glad my Dad didn't let you anywhere near our house when you drove by like a creeper. I would've punched your (#&$(#&(* heart out, and I'm not a voilent person.
As long as I'm alive, I will never let you near my family. You chose your path. You don't get to back track. Keep walking and don't look back.
My dh was super pissed when he got home. He was cursing his ex for an hour. She wouldn't pick up his call. He wanted to go over to her house, but I talked him out of it. I read the letter and chuckled to myself. Such relief, or so I thought.
Monday morning, Dh skipped work to file an emergency custory motion. WTAF!! I didn't know he did this until he came home early. I couldn't believe he would do this without consulting me first. I was so distraught and even more scared than I was before. Not only was I going to be forced to see these kids, but now they were clearly angry. They were going to turn my world upside down.
The hearing is scheduled for for tomorrow. I will update asap.
I don't even know where to begin. The emergency hearing had to be schedueled because the Judge had an accident and Dh refused to meet with the sub judge (turns out she was just a mediator), but nonetheless. I've been walking on eggshells for weeks because any little thing will throw Dh into a hissy fit. I can't believe one woman can do so much damage that I now have to deal with.
We just had the hearing last Thursday. I was asked by the court recorder to stay outside since it apparently didn't concern me. BS!! I could hear arguing in the court room...it was just Dh and the judge. After about fifteen minutes after their hearing had started, a woman and three kids rounded the corner. They were ushered into another room. I had no idea who they were, but assumed they were here for another case as I was the only other one in the hall. A few minutes later, the lady came out and asked if I was Mrs. Dh. She introduced herself as ex blah blah and asked if she and I could talk for a moment. I was shocked! The nerve this woman had coming up to me like that!! I gave her a look of disgust hoping she would go. away, but she sat down across from me and started blabbering.
She claims that Dh used to abuse her and the children. He would use their household money to gamble. He cheated on her constantly. The only reason she stayed is because she was young and never realized the damage she was doing to her children by wanting her family. She said that after Dh left for the last time, emptied their bank account and had them kicked out of their home. She reached out to his parents, but they knew that Dh would never do anything like that so they swept her under the rug. She claims that she always would send updates and school pictures to Dh and his parents, but never had a response. When the children became a certain age she finally told stopped "covering" for Dh (yeah right)! With that, she pulled out a large envelope with "return to sender" letters and emails from Dh saying that she was a mistake, the kids were a mistake and probably not even his, etc. They were pretty nasty, but I have no proof that she didn't write them herself. She said I had a choice to believe her story, but if I ever found myself in her shoes, that I could contact her and she gave me her card and walked back to the room with her children.
I was flabergasted!! I couldn't even call her out on her bs!! She had no right to speak about Dh that way, especially when he wasn't there to defend himself. I sat there for a good hr debating on whether or not I should burst into her room to call her a liar. I mean, her kids have the right to know that she lied about their Dad....as long as they kept away from my family. Just as I building up the stamina, my Dh flings the courtroom door open. He was steaming!! He just said "let's go! This is effing ridiculous!"
He didn't speak on the drive home. He took a late shift that night and ended up working until Sunday night so I didn't see him. When he did come home, it was like nothing had ever happened. He did tell me that the judge knew his ex and was siding with her to be spiteful, but he is better off without the kids because they are lairs just like her.
I am thinking about emailing her just to let her know how hard Dh tried to see his kids, but she never gave him a chance. I will let you know what she says!!