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My sister in law just had a miscarriage... advice? *UPDATE*

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 5:42 PM
  • 29 Replies

I feel terrible. My brothers girlfriend went into the doctors two days ago from horrible cramping and bleeding. They doctors put her on bedrest and said she should be okay. She is ten weeks. My brother and her were laying in bed and she went to the bathroom. She started screaming and crying and called my brother in to the bathroom. She said "it" came out while she was peeing and they put whatever it was into a bowl with a lid and rushed to the ER. My mother was helping and said it could of been a blood clot but she doesn't think it was. We should know soon. I feel terrible and don't know what to do or say. I know some of you women believe it is just a fetus but they were so excited to become parents. What do I say to them? How do I comfort them?

 :( 



Thank you all for you kind words and comfort. They got home about an hour ago. Unfortunately, she did have a miscarriage. We went into my room and I held her while she cried. I told her that it was not her fault and there was nothing that she could have done. I held her and told her how sorry I was that they went throught this and that I am here if she needed anything. My brother also came in but he seemed like he wanted left a lone so I told him that if he needs to talk then I am here. It is very emotional right now. She told me that she wanted to try again right away and I told her as long as her body is healed I don't see anything wrong with that. They both came in and was playing with my son. I feel terrible but I think I have done everything that I CAN do.

They told me that the doctor was very rude with them. They asked to say goodbye and they were giving them dirty looks and asked why. I told them that they need to report that doctor for being so rude. When they got there a there they threw them in a waiting room and did nothing. Finally after getting called in they took the piece that she passes, came back a while later and gave them paper work and released them. I understand that they see that everyday but they did not have to act like that. 

Thank you everyone. I have left my door open in case they want to talk.

by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 5:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rebeccarae
by on Mar. 8, 2014 at 5:43 PM
1 mom liked this
Just be there for her. Best thing to do.
othermom
by Ruby Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 5:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I am so sorry for their loss. Just be there for them

dbrown1989
by Gold Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 5:45 PM
1 mom liked this
Just let her know you're there if she needs and maybe bring her something to cheer her up, flowers, a book to take her mind off it, cookies.
Whatever you think could help a little
kissmiss213
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 5:48 PM
3 moms liked this

you just need to be there for them. let them take the lead in their grief process, and you follow. dont say things like, you will have another chance, or at least it was early in the pregnancy. it IS just a fetus, but it was THEIR fetus. it was their hopes and dreams. i feel so badly for them. please give them a hug for me (i know they dont know me)

xXVICKYXx
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 5:56 PM
1 mom liked this

 you let her know that it IS NOT HER FAULT. there is NOTHING she could have done, and that you will be there for her no matter what.

whatever you do DO NOT pull out the lines "everything happens for a reason" "it just wasnt the right time" " dont worry you will have another baby" ect ect...these are ALL terribly painful to hear after a miscarrage.

just be there for them in whatever way they need, if they need you to distract them, then do that, if they need to cry on your shoulder you let them, if they need space to grieve alone you give it. dont put time limits on it either, if she still needs you to cry on in three years on the aniversary of the event, or babys due date, or whatever, you be there then too. just love and support them, help out physicaly around the house (esp in the storing of baby things that were already purchased, NOBODY wants to store that themselves after losing a baby, and they want even less for it to sit around the house reminding them day in and day out.)

Mommytoaangel
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 5:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs an gl to them
Isaacsmom913
by Platinum Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 6:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Let her mourn in what ever way she needs too.  Don't try to rush the process for her.  Listen when she wants to talk and do NOT offer words like "you'll get pregnant again"  or "It just wasn't meant to be"  Maybe make them a freezer meal, buy her something to pamper herself with--she likely won't give a crap about anything for a while, I know I didn't but just knowing that you care will go miles.

Hugs to your family.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 8, 2014 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this
I passed clots and a lot of bleeding with my son. Hopefully she didn't actually miscarry. If she did, just be there for them. There's nothing u can do to stop a miscarriage at that stage
iHEAVENn
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2014 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this

Try not to pester them too much.. Let them know you are there, but don't ask a billion questions. If that makes sense..

maybe bring them dinner one night? 

-:Logan Jacob:--:December 1st 2007:--:7 Pounds 4 Ounces:- -:My Everything:- 

-:Hunter Xavier:--:EDD 7-12-14:-

baby development

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 8, 2014 at 6:39 PM
1 mom liked this
I will say I passed many clots and had bleeding with my last pregnancy- it was from a subcrionic (sp) hemorrhage which was basically a tear- I was on bed rest for 6 weeks and it healed both times
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