I keep telling myself: "Not my kid, not my problem", but it's starting to affect my household and I need advice on how to handle this.
Tonight sucked. We tried to eat out and dinner was a fail; I forgot the diaper bag, we walked out after an hour and a half of not being served and the kids started throwing tantrums, tried to grab quick food and they messed up our order, AND SS SHIT HIMSELF.
He is in kindergarten, almost six years old. Potty training was very rocky, and his mom swore he was finally potty-trained right before school started. We get him EOW, and he's had an occasional accident at night (to be expected), so we never had a reason to doubt.
While out, we smelled something rank. Didn't even think to check SS's pants, it was so far from our mind. We kept asking, "Oh my goodness, is that the baby?" She hadn't pooped, but while waiting to be seated at the restaurant SS sat on my pants, and I knew.
It took forever to finally get it out of him; he has a habit of lying. He finally admitted it had happened before we left home. He'd been sitting in it for over an hour!
We get home and DH makes him clean himself up. He then tells us he does it a few times a week, and his mom amd Granny tell him not to worry about it and clean him up.
If he's telling the truth, his mom and family have been hiding it for a while now.
Here's where it starts to affect me:
Five months ago, he didn't have an accident on our visit but did when he got back with his mom. His grandma called us, raging, accusing my sixteen year old brother of having touched him and traumatized him enough that he started pooping his pants "again". My brother had come over, yes, but at least one of us was in the room while he visited and he didn't stay overnight. He played minecraft with DH and SS. We asked her if SS had said anything like that, and her response was, "Not at all, but what other excuse could there be?"
SS's grandma is incredibly spiteful and devious. She paid for her daughter's team of lawyers during the custody hearing, accused DH's home of being littered with used needles and unsafe (not only did a CS official visit and prove untrue, but DH has never in his life used drugs or had any kind of trouble with the law). DH was once ten minutes late picking up his son and she refused to let him have visitation, even threatening to call the cops for trespassing. She is nuts.
So now I'm worried she's trying to build a "case" that we're traumatizing him so badly he keeps reverting back to messing himself. She'll send him to us with cuts and bruises, then when he goes home accuses us of beating him; we've started documenting any cuts or bruises he has when we pick him up. But how do we prove something that isn't happening? How do we document we're NOT abusing him?