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I'm fed up with her expecting me to watch my grandchildren. update.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My DD is about to deliver baby #2. Right now I watch my grandson while shes at work 40 hours a week. She doesn't make enough to afford daycare. I don't charge her anything because shes barely getting by. Shes expecting me to watch this baby as well, but I really don't want to. It's not that I don't want to help her but I feel she is taking advantage of my support. The least she could have done was practiced safe sex so she didn't have to add to my burden. I don't know what to do. If I tell her no, she will have to quit her job and eventually move in with me, something I dont want even more. 

What should I do?

UPDATE: She just dropped my GS off. While she was here I talked to her about finding some other childcare for the kids. She said what she always does "Mom, you know my budget is stretched to the max. I can't afford 200 dollars a week in child care." I told her I understood that, but I also told her how tired I am and that as much as I love my GC I can't watch them all the time anymore. I told her about the CAPS program and that if she cut her hours a little she should qualify. She had the nerve to cuss at me in front of my GS and accuse me of trying to take food and clothes out of their mouths. She had the audacity to act like it was my job to help her anytime she needed because "that's what mothers do". She snatched my GS and tried to drag him out of my apartment. I grabbed him because I was afraid of where or who she would leave him with. I told her I would keep him until the end of March, but by then she needs a sitter.

I just don't know what to do about this girl. Shes so selfish and treats me like trash. All I ask her for was a break. I'm trying to be reasonable but all she cares about is herself. I know she is going to try to continue to guit me into watching them. I don't want to give them or my relationship with her up, but I'm so tired. I've been doing this for 3 years now. I need a break!

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:13 PM
Replies (21-30):
by on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:30 PM
Is she married? If she is then I do think as a grandmother watching the second kid is a great idea. If not - she's got bigger issies
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:31 PM

No, she is not married. She gets nothing from my GS's father and prabably won't get anything for this baby either.

Quoting Anonymous: Does your DD have a husband? Or does she get child support? I understand , how you feel. I think you should tell her , she needs to look for childcare. Tell her to call welfare and start applying for help. You raised your children already!

by Anonymous 10 on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm assuming she's a single working mom, she needs to look into additional available benefits through the state. Here in Maine parents who live below federal poverty levels are able to get TANF for up to five years. Yes, it can be considered welfare but they DON'T just hand every person a check that walks in and applies. There must be children in the household full time for one thing, another is there is a list of requirements to receive it, either have a job, start your own business, or volunteer 40 unpaid hours somewhere in the community. There is also the option of PaS, Parents as Scholars, where instead of working or volunteering they will assist with college. Both programs provide paid child care, transportation expense payment, benefits such as vision/dental, basically a whole list I'm not inclined to spend all afternoon typing out lol. MOST states have something like this available now, they would rather help parents become completely self supporting and pay whatever it takes to make that happen now, rather than keep paying welfare to single moms who aren't making it by and relying on multiple support agencies, if that makes any sense.

PaS is what helped me graduate college, get job placement in my final semester, I carry NO student loans because I was eligible for PELL grants and a couple scholarships, plus what PaS paid for my books/supplies/extra costs above my PELL, I was able to BUY a home based SOLELY on the income I have with no down payment available rather than renting, my two oldest kids were in school while I was going to college but my youngest wasn't and her childcare was paid for. In fact they offered to pay my husband, a sahd, to watch our own child lol but he opted to return to college as well so my mother was paid to watch her granddaughter.

I'd urge her to look into every available resource now because she can't keep having babies and expect you to watch them.

by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:32 PM
3 moms liked this

Offer to pay for a tubal, first off.  I am totally serious. 

Second, can she afford part time care?  Like 20 hours?  Maybe that's a good way to bridge the gap. 

by Anonymous 11 on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:32 PM
Are you sick of babysitting altogether? Or is it the lack of compensation you are fed up with? If it's the latter, since she can't afford to pay you, maybe you two could sit down and come up with a way she could pay you back without money. ie- if she has a garden, she could give you x amount of what it produces.

Everyone has a skill someone needs, figure out hers and take that as your payment. You won't feel taken advantage of, and she won't feel like a mooch. HTH some!
by Anonymous 12 on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:33 PM

why not see if you can split the time with her in-laws.

by Platinum Member on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:33 PM

Most states have state childcare assistance. They will actually pay YOU to care for them if that is what the mom wants (and you agree)

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:35 PM

3. Shes only about 60 dollars over the yearly max for a family of 3.

Quoting peanutsmommy1: Is that based on her being a family of two or three?
Quoting Anonymous:

I googled what you said and I got a program called CAPS of Georgia. Is that what you're speaking on? Shes makes just over the max.

Quoting peanutsmommy1: No head start is federally funded free preschool, she needs to apply for state child care assistance
Quoting Anonymous:

What do you mean? Are you talking about head start? If so both of the centers in our area are filled up to maximum capacity and the waiting line is about  50+ kids.

Quoting Anonymous:

She can apply for childcare expenses.

by Chemistry cat on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:37 PM
She needs to get assistance paying for daycare. It will pay for most of her expenses at a daycare center, with a copay that is pretty reasonable.

And perhaps she needs to consider semi permanent BC at this point.
by Anonymous 13 on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:37 PM
Just curious if the children were in daycare would you consider the daycare provider the primary care giver?

Quoting cdjd23: There is a big difference between quality time and being the primary care giver of her 2 grand kids.

Quoting Anonymous: Persontlly I would just have a heart to heart with my child and be more than willing to spend quality time with my grandchildren.but I understand not everyone Wants to
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