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I'm fed up with her expecting me to watch my grandchildren. update.

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post

My DD is about to deliver baby #2. Right now I watch my grandson while shes at work 40 hours a week. She doesn't make enough to afford daycare. I don't charge her anything because shes barely getting by. Shes expecting me to watch this baby as well, but I really don't want to. It's not that I don't want to help her but I feel she is taking advantage of my support. The least she could have done was practiced safe sex so she didn't have to add to my burden. I don't know what to do. If I tell her no, she will have to quit her job and eventually move in with me, something I dont want even more. 

What should I do?

UPDATE: She just dropped my GS off. While she was here I talked to her about finding some other childcare for the kids. She said what she always does "Mom, you know my budget is stretched to the max. I can't afford 200 dollars a week in child care." I told her I understood that, but I also told her how tired I am and that as much as I love my GC I can't watch them all the time anymore. I told her about the CAPS program and that if she cut her hours a little she should qualify. She had the nerve to cuss at me in front of my GS and accuse me of trying to take food and clothes out of their mouths. She had the audacity to act like it was my job to help her anytime she needed because "that's what mothers do". She snatched my GS and tried to drag him out of my apartment. I grabbed him because I was afraid of where or who she would leave him with. I told her I would keep him until the end of March, but by then she needs a sitter.

I just don't know what to do about this girl. Shes so selfish and treats me like trash. All I ask her for was a break. I'm trying to be reasonable but all she cares about is herself. I know she is going to try to continue to guit me into watching them. I don't want to give them or my relationship with her up, but I'm so tired. I've been doing this for 3 years now. I need a break!

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 9, 2014 at 5:13 PM
Replies (421-428):
by Gold Member on Mar. 11, 2014 at 6:32 PM
Op said in the replies the first fsther is not involved and she doubts the second will be, she also said if the daughter makes $60 less a month she will get help from the govt for day care, but refused that.
I dont think the daughter should wave a magic wand, she should however grow up and take care of her kids and do whats needed, not force her mother to pick up the slack and throw a fit the second her mother mentions its getting too much. I have no sympathy for selfish entitled people who constanty repeat the same mistakes.

Quoting motherslove82:

How do you know that the fathers are not involved? I haven't read every reply, but I never saw where OP answered that question. Has the daughter made bad decisions? Sure. Is it OP's responsibility to take care of her daughter's kids? I guess not. Should she care about what happens to her child and her grandchildren and stop referring to her grandbaby as a problem? That would be a yes. 1 week, 6 months, even 3 years - it's not always easy to get to a point where you have an extra $800 a month. She would have to be making an extra $5 an hour (not counting what they take for taxes) in order to cover that. Have you gotten a $5 an hour raise in the last 3 years? Most people I know have had pay decreases, if their pay has changed any. Like I said, I understand where OP is coming from. I just have the ability to see the daughter's side as well. Everyone seems to think the daughter should just wave a magic wand and make all of her problems go away. It's not that easy.

Quoting sheymann: Maybe she shouldnt spread her legs to losers who arent willing to help pay for a child. Then op wouldnt be in this position. She had sex and is knocked up, no op. So yes, it is her problem how she is going to afford her children, no ops.
She got herself into this mess and hasnt done anything in 3 years to fix it. On top of that she is rude to her mother who is doing her a favor. If i treated my mother like that id get jack shit from her.

Quoting motherslove82:

So where is she going to get another $800 a month? Maybe they won't be able to eat. Maybe she will be forced to give the baby up. Maybe she will have to quit her job because she can no longer afford to work. Maybe she will find a less than legal way to make the extra money. I know, I know. It's not your problem.

Quoting Anonymous: She has known for years now that this was supposed to be temporary. Shes had 3 years to come up with other arrangements. Everytime we have this conversation its the same excuse. She does nothing but add to mystress. Im tired of it. Mother or not, I'm not going to do this anymore.

Quoting motherslove82:

I'm trying to think of a way to say this without sounding like a bitch because I really do see both sides of things. I get that you are tired and worn out and she should never have spoken to you that way. I also see where she was probably panicked at the idea of having to find another $800 a month in a budget that is already stretched to the max. By your own admission, she doesn't have the money. What is she supposed to do?

Maybe she shouldn't have gotten pregnant, but sometimes accidents happen. Few people can be 100% responsible 100% of the time. The baby is coming now. What should she do, have an abortion? Give the baby away? This is not her "problem". This is her child and your grandchild. 

Have you told her that you were getting tired or that you didn't want to do it anymore before now? Why is she wrong to expect you to do what you've always done? I'm sorry, but that IS just what families do for each other. This attitude that some have that helping family is a burden and that your own grandchild is his or her mother's "problem" and not yours is just sad. 

by Anonymous 92 on Mar. 11, 2014 at 8:17 PM
Have you considered mayb helping her with the expense of babysitting? Like giving her 100$ a month? Just wondering.. But she did it to herself! I'm a young mom and I'm barely getting by.. The good thing is that my boyfriend is working graveyard and he can watch our son during the day but he doesn't get any sleep which makes him grouchy..
by Bronze Member on Mar. 11, 2014 at 9:58 PM
I feel so bad for you. And I wish my family would help out. I have one dd who is 6 and never has a family member babysat her... Never!
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 4:47 PM
This is NOT quality time with her grand kids. It is forced servitude for an ungrateful daughter. It completely changes the nature of her relationship with the grandchild, because she is too exhausted to enjoy him. This is not your problem. Especially when your daughter went and got pregnant again, knowing she was not able to actually make ends meet as it is.

Quoting Anonymous: Persontlly I would just have a heart to heart with my child and be more than willing to spend quality time with my grandchildren.but I understand not everyone Wants to
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:55 PM

Where is the husband?

by on Mar. 14, 2014 at 10:59 AM
I understand daycare can be expensive but you do what you have to. Daycare for me is 600 a month and I barely squeak by on my income but it isn't anyone else's responsibility to watch them for free. Once I have child support determined, I can also look into child care assistance where depending on what I probably get through child support. You have raised your child, you shouldn't have to raise another unless you wanted to.
by Member on Mar. 15, 2014 at 6:07 AM
Here you can get daycare on a sliding scale according to your income but the waiting period is over 6 months.
by on Mar. 15, 2014 at 6:26 AM
I'm a young single mom told me the same thing so we compromised and she watches him 2 days, other 3 days he goes to a sitter. I found an in-home daycare that charges $3 an hour and she even feeds him. Very nice!
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