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Anything you can say to help me not be bitter about this? I don't want to be.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 28 Replies

The short version:

My Sd's mom terminated her rights of her as an infant. I've been with her father for 8 years so I've raised her as my own. Because of my own experience of being dumped by my mom as a baby I've always taken motherhood very seriously. I didn't have my first Bio child until SD was established and thriving as a child of mine and DH's, 6 years ago. 

Anyways, Bm does not reside far from us and we've always allowed visits here and there when mom was stable. Since then she has gone on to have two more kids whom she also terminated rights of before she went to prison again, the last time. Now she is pregnant again and not doing well. She is in violaton of her parole so will be going to prison again when she gets caught. It's SAD to me because everytime she gets pregnant SD flip flops between being worried and excited for yet another sibling.

I know not every baby is planned or needs to be. I'm so thankful that bio mom chose to have my SD, she's my pride and joy. But I feel resentful that she keeps on having more kids that are siblings to my SD from flings. Can you help me understand why this upsets me?

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Bleacher-mom
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:53 AM
B/c she is being completely irresponsible as a person. And to top it off it is hurting your SD. Does she ever see her siblings?
handy0318
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:57 AM

We have a similar situation with my dd's biomom.... Yes, I feel resentment too, because my dd and her brother suffer due to their biomom's poor choices and there is nothing that I, as her mom can to do stop her from hurting my child. Totally understandable. 

One thing that we have done is tell our dd that when she gets older, she can work at establishing a relationship with her siblings and perhaps then, they will be able to be siblings...maybe, maybe not...no guarantees, but at least it is something to work towards later in her life.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:00 AM

Bio moms mom adopted her two brothers and we arrange visits for them about once a month. So yes. I guess it's just that SD valus family so much, that is good, but holy hell this woman really takes having kids lightly. I feel BAD for wishing she wouldn't cause they are innoncent lives and also because it's one more tie to a woman that would rather slepp around and pawn off her kids than take having children seriously. That doesn't make me a mean person, does it?

Quoting Bleacher-mom: B/c she is being completely irresponsible as a person. And to top it off it is hurting your SD. Does she ever see her siblings?


nellyoleson
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:01 AM
You know the definition of insanity....

My adopted dd has a bmom like this. The sibs are in different (unsafe) places. It is sad. It is great that your dd has the stability and care of you and dh. Hugs.
mamaclairbear
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:04 AM

Because in the end you know it is going to hurt your daugher in the end. You obviously love your daughter and don't want to see her hurt. You also have your experience of hurt from your mom so that probably factors in to it.

I know it's not easy but try to remember you can't control what BM does and try to use the energy you would use being upset with her and do something fun with your daughter.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:04 AM

See, we went the other route. Well actually, DH's mom did and we maintained it- We didn't want to cut off visitation since she had already been allowed to have visits and get to know her mom and brothers. We didn't want her to resent us for keeping them apart thought it beter that she realizes what her mom is about on her own. Sometimes I really wonder if that was right cause..You know darn well BM is just a disney parent who gives her a tad of affection and strings her along.

Quoting handy0318:

We have a similar situation with my dd's biomom.... Yes, I feel resentment too, because my dd and her brother suffer due to their biomom's poor choices and there is nothing that I, as her mom can to do stop her from hurting my child. Totally understandable. 

One thing that we have done is tell our dd that when she gets older, she can work at establishing a relationship with her siblings and perhaps then, they will be able to be siblings...maybe, maybe not...no guarantees, but at least it is something to work towards later in her life.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:09 AM
Quoting Anonymous:

Bio moms mom adopted her two brothers and we arrange visits for them about once a month. So yes. I guess it's just that SD valus family so much, that is good, but holy hell this woman really takes having kids lightly. I feel BAD for wishing she wouldn't cause they are innoncent lives and also because it's one more tie to a woman that would rather slepp around and pawn off her kids than take having children seriously. That doesn't make me a mean person, does it?

Quoting Bleacher-mom: B/c she is being completely irresponsible as a person. And to top it off it is hurting your SD. Does she ever see her siblings?


No. I'm sure they are wonderful kids and its great that grandma has taken them. But she needs to be more responsible. Its unfortunate, but I have seen that a lot. Not with my friends, but people I have known in the past. They choose partying over being a parent so the grandparents end up raising the kids. I hope the best for you and your SD.
gracef282
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:10 AM
Cut ties with that irresponsible mother. Sd deserves a loving family and a decent life. You are doing well as a caring parent.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:10 AM

I guess I just feel bad wondering if the reason I resent this is because of my own experiences that I'm projecting, or the fact that it's HER. Having siblings is a beautiful thing. But everytime BM gets knocked up again I literally face palm and have to hide my disgust. :/

It's a baby and a sibling of my daughter, I shouldn't feel this way. At least part of me says that.

Quoting mamaclairbear:

Because in the end you know it is going to hurt your daugher in the end. You obviously love your daughter and don't want to see her hurt. You also have your experience of hurt from your mom so that probably factors in to it.

I know it's not easy but try to remember you can't control what BM does and try to use the energy you would use being upset with her and do something fun with your daughter.


nellyoleson
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 3:12 AM
By the way, if she terminated her rights, have you thought of adopting sd? Sorry....just curious!
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