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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

15 Brides Reveal What Their Wedding Night Was REALLY Like

Posted by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 9:58 AM
  • 81 Replies

15 Brides Reveal What Their Wedding Night Was REALLY Like

by Maressa Brown

disappointed bride groom passed out on bedNo matter what religion you were raised with (or without!), society tell us that the consummation of marriage right after a couple's Big Day will set off fireworks bigger than any Macy's Fourth of July Spectacular. Reality check: At least 25 percent of couples don't even have sex on their wedding night, because they were too drunk or tired, according to a recent survey from wedding stationary company Paper Shaker, which interviewed 1,000 newlyweds.

Judging from our own findings on the matter, that percentage may very well be a lot higher! And even those couples who did do the deed aren't ballyhooing it as their best time between the sheets by far! Thus, in an effort to not necessarily burst anyone's bubble about their wedding night but bust unrealistic myths about it, here are 15 sex confessions we got from brides about what their wedding nights were really like ...

1. "My ex-husband sprained his ankle badly while drunkenly dancing with one of our bridesmaids to 'Cotton-Eyed Joe.' His parents came up to our hotel room later that night to check on him, because he was so swollen. Needless to say, the only moaning coming from our room was him ... moaning in pain!"

2. "My husband passed out from drinking on the bus ride to the hotel from the reception. I spent the night making sure he was okay and finally eating something after not eating all day."

3. "I guess that's the one advantage of having a dry, Mormon wedding -- we weren't too drunk to have sex!"

4. "We had sex, but I barely remember it, because I was hammered! Keepin' it classy."

5. "We got married in Vegas, so we had a great time at a club in our hotel. But after a whole night of dancing and toasting, we went back to our suite and passed out."

6. "We got into an argument, because a group of his friends got drunk since we had open bar and was being disruptive and rude and he thought I had them leave our wedding. I didn't, [but] we spent our wedding night in separate rooms."

7. "My husband got drunk on champagne, and the sex sucked, and he passed out right afterwards. I spent the night watching TV. We are divorced now."

8. "The first thing we did was climb on the bed (tux and gown still on) and opened all of our cards to count our cash. Then, ordered pizza. Even though we had a buffet at the reception, we were still starving. We ate pizza in bed while watching TV. We did NOT consummate our marriage that night. We were way too tired!"

9. "I was six weeks pregnant and sick as a dog, so we got through the courthouse wedding, suffered through my mother taking us out to dinner, went home and went right to bed!"

10. "I put on some lingerie in an attempt to look nice. My husband was more excited about opening the envelopes and counting the money from the checks. He said, 'Don't feel obligated to have sex.' We were too tired anyhow and went to sleep."

11. "We had a morning ceremony and breakfast reception, so we went home afterwards, I had a nap, then I had to work the night shift. How about that for romantic? Hah."

12. "We almost burned the B&B down! I threw his shirt over the top of a lamp, then later, we went out for dinner. When we came back, the shirt was scorched, and the room smelled like burnt cotton."

13. "I was exhausted and one of my bridesmaids came in our suite to make a sandwich. Her husband then wants a sandwich, and I finally get the dress off and am almost asleep when the groom wanted to celebrate our marriage. I'm pretty sure I slept through it."

14. "We spent our wedding night in the emergency room. Whoever set up the cake table didn't lock it in place properly, and it crashed on my foot."

15. "We got crazy drunk, but still managed to have a lot of fun getting it on. The next day we went [out] and came back to our room to find the cleaning service had been in the room to freshen things up for us and [put] all of our 'toys' in a pile by the bed and covered with a cloth. I about died of embarrassment thinking of the staff donning rubber gloves and pincer-grasping each item and placing them carefully in a pile!"

What was your wedding night really like? Would you guess the 25 percent stat is actually much higher?

by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 9:58 AM
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Replies (1-10):
cateringtomel
by Anna_Elijah on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:06 AM
Haha.

We were too tired also went straight to bed but it's ok bc we "consummated" right after the ceremony
lauren.m
by Platinum Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:13 AM
Our wedding was in our back yard and our reception was in a building we just built. My dh was drunk (he doesn't drink) so I practically carried him across the yard poured him into bed undressed him then ate some pasta salad while watching TV lol.
Raeann11
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:17 AM

We had a wonderful wedding and then went to the hotel. Got checked in, sat in the hot tub and talked for a bit about our day. Then went to bed.

Gorilla_Mama
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:22 AM
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I got really hammered, we called it a night around 10. dh drove us back to my apt, got me out of my dress into pajamas, I passed out for a while. Woke up around 2 am, he was still up and a little mad about it. We headed out to our friends cabin where we spent our honeymoon and finally had sex around 3 am lol. 

TXHulaMama
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:32 AM

I'm not married, but one of my BFF's blames me, jokingly, for her not getting any on her wedding night. LOL She said that he was too drunk after doing a Three Legged Monkey (shot) with me that he passed out. Sure, it was the 1 shot he did with me and our other friend...not the multiple shots or keg stands with his college frat guys...seemed they forgot they weren't young anymore.

SpiritedWitch
by Froggie on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:36 AM

We went straight home b/c he had a nasty migraine and had to go to bed. His parents bought us some dinner and stopped by to check on him. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:36 AM

we had our wedding in the outside area of a bar/ pizzaria. Then our parents got us the honeymoon suite at the local hotel which only thing special about it is the heart shaped hottub in the room. We only had it for one night so you can be sure we enjoyed it :) 

anjones09
by Ash on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:37 AM
It was so cold, rainy, and snowing so I ended up getting sick. So much fun.
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 12, 2014 at 11:03 AM
1 mom liked this

It was the first time for both of us.  It was awful.  We couldn't figure out the proper positions for him to insert enough into me.  And he had to "finish the job" in the shower.  Didn't do anything for me either. 

Mamie_du_Monde_
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 11:07 AM
Lol!! We went to our room and passed out dead asleep.
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