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Need some advice on dealing with sexual assault of my daughter

Posted by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:22 AM
  • 97 Replies

We found out a few years ago that my daughter had been sexually assaulted by her half brother, he has been prosecuted and we no longer have contact with him.  My daughter will be 10 in April and has been asking if she can see her brother and actively seeking out to have a some sort of contact with her brother and I'm not ready to deal with that, nor do we want to have contact with him.  Last night, she took pictures of that had him in it and placed it on our pillows with a note saying that "He is family and we don't give up on family", anyone have any advice on how I should handle this?  We are in process of starting back up with therapy as well.  Please help!!

by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:22 AM
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Replies (1-10):
firespurity
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:24 AM
No clue was he an adult?
danie24
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:25 AM

What was his punishment.. is he in jail?

How old was she when she was sexually assaulted?

How old was he?

How many times did it happen?

I would need more details in order to say what I would do in your situation.

blue-heart
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:26 AM
I would not allow her to have contact until she was 18.
sweetnsassymami
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:27 AM

Idk. I'd talk to the therapist. 

jkleinman
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:27 AM
This.

Quoting danie24:

What was his punishment.. is he in jail?How old was she when she was sexually assaulted?

How old was he?How many times did it happen?

I would need more details in order to say what I would do in your situation.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:27 AM

This

Quoting blue-heart: I would not allow her to have contact until she was 18.


Michelleb05
by Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:28 AM

We found out when she was about 7 years old and he was just shy of 15, we are unsure of how long it had been going on for, but we are thinking for awhile.  Since he was a minor when it happened he went through sex offender treatment center for juveniles and is now living with his grandparents.  Virtually no punishment for him, he also victimized 2 other boys besides my daughter but only had to plead "guilty" to 1 of the crimes.

Saydar
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:28 AM
2 moms liked this

What she said was a quote from Lilo and Stitch, if that helps you. There's a big difference between helping family and what her half brother did. Therapy?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this

RAINN has resources available. Perhaps contact them in conjunction with the therapy.

ff-princess
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:30 AM
8 moms liked this

I think it's wonderful that your daughter has been able to find forgiveness in her heart; that's something that not many adults would be able to achieve in this situation.

with that being said, I think it would be detrimental for a visit between the two of them until she's an adult and can make an informed decision.  I would be leery of opening the door for a further mind fuck, and she just doesn't need to go through something like that on top of what she's already endured. 

you could sit down and talk with her.  tell her that you think it's wonderful that she's not giving up on him, but that it's your job as a parent to protect her from potentially harmful situations.  tell her that you can't see any positive outcome of having them in contact with each other, and that you're willing to hear her side.  then you can tell her you appreciate her input but that you'll need to wait until she's older before you're comfortable with making the decision to go ahead.  but don't just shut her down without letting her feel she's been heard.

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