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I want a divorce! (long)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 48 Replies
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So, I know I will probably get bashed for this, but my feelings are strong and I feel like I need to talk about it somewhere unbiased. I have been married to dh for over 3 years. We are both 21. So we have known eachother since 7th grade. I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship at 17 and found out he liked me..I thought, "well he's a nice guy, I should give him a chance" a few months into our relationship I got pregnant with dd (3) and his mother harrassed me often about getting married and I really didn't want to. Finally, during some time of having issues with my ocd and anxiety, I agreed to get married. I thought it would help my situation with my anxiety. Now dh can be really sweet sometimes still, and he is very inlove with me and wants to stay married. I, on the other hand, feel trapped and not happy, but reluctant to hurt dh. He has done certain things like calling me "fucking stupid" and threatening to call the police on me when he was angry, but he always feels bad and apologizes after, and there's only been a few incidents. He has also dropped out of college 3 times but has a decent job too I guess. And he hates parenting and doesn't want more kids but he is "willing" to try again IF I finish school (which I will) and get a steady job as an RN. He also doesn't put the most effort into the parenting thing. I want 3 kids but I'm ok with 2. Right now its just dd. I'm just not happy and haven't been for awhile but I feel like a bad person for feeling this way and I don't want to hurt anyone. Someone give me advice?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:27 AM
Bump
jjames1990
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:27 AM

It is hurting the person more if you stay with them and you don't love them.  They deserve to be completely loved. 

12345abcde54321
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:29 AM
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You are both so young. I think you should stick it out. You will both mature a lot over the next 10 years and if you are both putting effort into staying connected things will improve.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:31 AM
So what if it doesn't improve in 10 years? I've been unhappy for over a year. I've had many talks with him and he doesn't really want to go to counseling. Should I stay in an unhappy marriage in hopes it'll get better?

Quoting 12345abcde54321: You are both so young. I think you should stick it out. You will both mature a lot over the next 10 years and if you are both putting effort into staying connected things will improve.
12345abcde54321
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:33 AM
At 21 years old? With a child in the picture and the issues as you described them? Absolutely.

Quoting Anonymous: So what if it doesn't improve in 10 years? I've been unhappy for over a year. I've had many talks with him and he doesn't really want to go to counseling. Should I stay in an unhappy marriage in hopes it'll get better?

Quoting 12345abcde54321: You are both so young. I think you should stick it out. You will both mature a lot over the next 10 years and if you are both putting effort into staying connected things will improve.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:33 AM
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Get a steady job and leave him and for the love of God please do not have any more kids with this guy.  He sounds like an abuser to me, an emotional one.  One incident of anyone talking to me like that and I have lost all respect for them.  You can't have a healthy relationship with someone with that much disrespect.

owl0210
by Sapphire Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:34 AM
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Divorce sounds good.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:34 AM
So dd is better off with us together and stressed than apart and happy? :/

Quoting 12345abcde54321: At 21 years old? With a child in the picture and the issues as you described them? Absolutely.

Quoting Anonymous: So what if it doesn't improve in 10 years? I've been unhappy for over a year. I've had many talks with him and he doesn't really want to go to counseling. Should I stay in an unhappy marriage in hopes it'll get better?

Quoting 12345abcde54321: You are both so young. I think you should stick it out. You will both mature a lot over the next 10 years and if you are both putting effort into staying connected things will improve.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:37 AM
2 moms liked this
Go to counseling yourself. You need it. You are bored and think divorcing will give you some freedom. Making it work is a choice. You haven't put any effort into fixing it. Think more about your child than yourself.
12345abcde54321
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:37 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't think being divorced is going to be the bed of roses you think it's going to be but go ahead and give it a shot if you need to learn that the hard way. I still advise you to push on and see how the next years of increased maturity improve things but do whatever you want.

Quoting Anonymous: So dd is better off with us together and stressed than apart and happy? :/

Quoting 12345abcde54321: At 21 years old? With a child in the picture and the issues as you described them? Absolutely.

Quoting Anonymous: So what if it doesn't improve in 10 years? I've been unhappy for over a year. I've had many talks with him and he doesn't really want to go to counseling. Should I stay in an unhappy marriage in hopes it'll get better?

Quoting 12345abcde54321: You are both so young. I think you should stick it out. You will both mature a lot over the next 10 years and if you are both putting effort into staying connected things will improve.
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