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Did you and your spouse talk about your expectations from each other before marriage?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 24 Replies

I'm asking b/c I know communication is very important. SO and I have been dating a few months. A few days ago we talked about marriage. He has been married before. Marriage is important to me. I have never been married (although I have been engaged before). I know within five years I want to be married. SO agreed that within 2-3 years guys know whether or not they are going to marry you. We both agreed on it. We also both agreed that we do not want anymore kids. Our kids (both from previous relationships) will be 11 and 17 this year. We are both done. I would never be in a relationship with a guy I knew wanted more kids b/c I know for sure i'm done. I notice that some people don't ask the" important" questions. They hop into a relationship then years down the road they are pissed off b/c they were expecting something from the other person that was not discussed before things got serious.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:30 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:31 AM
No we didn't. I was a dumb teenager though.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:36 AM

Most do not talk about the important stuff.  We went to couples counseling before we married some thought it was weird since we were not having relationship issues.  We both felt it was important to have the counseling to make sure we did know how to communicate in a healthy way.  We still from time to time seek help from our marriage counselor.  We have been married 20 years and are still in love and very happy as a couple.  We knew when we married we would wait at least 10 years to have kids so we could travel and work.  We ended up waiting 13 years before having our first.  We also waited to buy a home so we could pay cash for it.  We still learn new things about each other all the time but it is small things we knew the important and big things.  We also knew each others deal breakers.

art.diva
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:38 AM

 No, not really.  We knew each other for almost 5 years before getting married, so we knew what to expect already. 

            

Gorilla_Mama
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:39 AM

Yes we did. We talked about how many kids, that he wants me to be a SAHM, where we wanted to live, the schooling and religion we wanted to instill in our kids.

It was important to me because I had dd1 from a previous relationship and didn't want to put her through another split.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:40 AM
Yes and no. We did talk a lot about major expectations, but not so much about little stuff. We really had to work on expectations on housework and raising children later. It was harder on us than if we had asked those questions beforehand. I agree with you, being clear about expectations is exactly what we should do before marriage.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:41 AM
I did not talk about this stuff. But me and my so became best friends before we got serious.
ff-princess
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:43 AM

we did.  we had several conversations over the course of the 4 years together before we married, and we went through several situations where we talked it out as we went through it.  after that long, we both knew who the other was deep down inside, and then we made the decision to make it official.  we've been married for nine years, and I can say only twice has an issue come up that hadn't been hashed out ahead of time.  and we sat down and were able to discuss things calmly, without insulting each other, and work through a resolution that we could both live with.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:44 AM

Of course we did. But things change throughout a marriage. People change. It's good to have similar expectations though.

Bubbie0809
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:45 AM
No, not at all. I didn't even think about any of. I just jumped in in young and in love. But we worked it out.
Blooming_Lotus
by Platinum Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 10:48 AM
We discussed everything before marriage. Even things most people consider trivial.
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