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Please be my friend for just a minute...ETA

Posted by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:43 PM
  • 55 Replies
1 mom liked this

As a SAHM, I don't get many opportunites to make friends. I need to just say some things to moms who may understand how I feel.

I'm scared. My baby girl is going through a lot right now. Up until today, I've taken it all in stride. Today however, my heart hurts. Every time I look at her I want to cry. I keep telling myself that she's fine. Everything is going to be fine. The problem is, ever since the doctor told me there may be swelling around her brain, I started noticing things that I hadn't noticed before. It could be that I'm paranoid. I honestly hope that that's the reason. She's not putting any weight on her legs yet. Then again, she's only just under 5 months old. She can only hold her head up for a short time. Then again, she has a big head. When she does hold her head up, it always kind of tilts to the side. She can't keep it straight for long. She always keeps her hands over her chest...is that normal?

I really think I'm reading too much into things because I'm so scared that she's not going to be ok. I had her in her play chair today. I was dealing with my toddler and looked over at her. She had her head tilted to the side and was just watching me. She wasn't crying audibly but she had tears that had run down her face. It scared me. It hurt my heart. It made me pick her up and not want to put her back down. She almost never cries audibly you know. I've always said she's probably the best baby in the world. She's never spit up, she rarely cries. She's been sleeping through the night since she was 6 weeks old. What if some of these things were warning signs that something wasn't right and I just stupidly overlooked them? What if there was a problem that could have been resolved and I never complained? She has a twice wrapped nuchal cord. What if that caused damage and no one noticed? God, there are so many what-if's running through my head. I'm just so scared right now. I want her to be ok. When she went to the pediatrician on Monday they said her head went from 16.8 inches to 17 inches in a week. That scared me. That's a lot of growth for a baby's head.

I don't know what the point of this post is. I just needed to "verbalize" some of my fears. I have no one to talk to about it. At home, I'm expected to be hard as stone but inside I'm just melting away. I need a hug :'-(

ETA

Her doctor is the one who brought up her head as a concern. On March 3rd I brought my daughter to the doctor because she had some swelling. They ran a bunch of tests. Other than some heart palpatations everything came back normal. The doctor noticed that my daughters head had gone from the 32nd percentile to the 89th percentile in just  7 weeks. She said that was a concern but we would wait to see what the blood tests said. When we came back for the in office EKG the doctor measured her head again. It had gone from the 89th percentile to the 94th percentile in 7 days (On March 10th). The doctor wanted to order a CAT scan but I asked if we could try an ultrasound first because of the radiation in the scan. She gets the ultrasound tomorrow morning. I think that's why I'm so anxious today. I'm so scared about what they may find tomorrow...

by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mom2many747
by Momma Duck on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:52 PM

bump

SissyMacK
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:53 PM

((Hugs))

belindah
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:54 PM
Hugs hun. Praying for you and dd.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:55 PM
I'm sorry :( ill keep you in my prayers. I have a friend who experienced something similar. Her babies head grew really fast and it was huge. The drs were worried and ran tests but he's now a 13 year old healthy boy. I hope everything is ok. I'm sure it's very hard being afraid for your child. Just hold her and snuggle a lot :)
deputygirls28
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:57 PM
I feel so sad reading this. The way you described when she was in her chair, it made me feel so sad for you guys. Hopefully it will all be ok. You are a mom and yes, you have weak moments, but your strong. You can get through this no matter what. Until then, hug and kiss your kids while you have the time and chance.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:57 PM

You need to take her to a natural dr. My daughters all slept through the night before 3 months, that's no indication. You can wear her and that will help you. Vaccines can cause swelling on the brain, among other neuro issues. Please talk to someone that can actually help you. Naturopath, chiropractor, homeopath. Someone. Get off cafemom

Bethsunshine
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:57 PM
I'm sorry you are going through this! I can only imagine how scared you are. Please don't beat yourself up about what you did or didn't do in the past or what you did or didn't notice before. You'll drive yourself crazy playing the "What if" game.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:58 PM

have you tried taking her to a developmental specialist at a childrens hospital?

brettsmomma
by ~Tammie~ on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:58 PM

awe hugs!! Keep us updated on her condition but most of all BREATH! Let the drs investigate and diagnose. Then she can be on her way to recovery if indeed something is wrong.

Photo: -Randi.

suzanneyea
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 2:59 PM

Praying for you both. I would be scared too. 

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