Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Step parent vs birth parent, there are some blurry ass lines..

Posted by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 5:51 PM
  • 10 Replies

 I see a lot of posts about SM talking about BM and vice versa. Luckily, i'm not in that position in that my ex isn't married and only sees our son once a month. DS resides with me and DH and our DD. To him, this is his family and how life has always been. DH and I married when he was really little, DH and I met and were friends before he was even born, his dad wasn't even in the picture. Several months after he was born he started visiting DS and DH and I were already dating by that point. DS has always seen DH as a father figure because he was ALWAYS around. He calls his bio dad Dad and DH, his step dad, daddy..he chose to call them that. He is going to be 6 in July and it all seems so normal. DH and I are the ones who take him to the dr and hospital, who get up in the night and do school work with him etc. I suppose on dads side this isn't as bad as it would be with a mom vs a stepmom but i'm just curious on thoughts. What are some lines and expectations between a step parents in relation to bio parents? I think it all depends on the situation, like ours.. maybe other people feel differently.

His dad sees his as often as he can/wants to , he made it clear when i was pregnant that he wasn't ready for the responsibility and took off. DH doesnt have any custody of DS legally but has always been his daddy figure.

25 year old SAHM of two beautiful babies, Aiden july 5, 2008 & Sophia April 6 2010!




 

by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 5:51 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
SaratheN
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 5:52 PM
Step parents need to realize they aren't a parent. The child has two parents that get to decide on parenting.
chendren1
by Silver Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 5:57 PM
1 mom liked this
I think that step parents can be a good thing. I have been lucky that my daughter has an awesome step-mom. When my daughter goes with them she will call me to see what the rules here are so she can follow as much as possible. She does have three children of her own so I know its not always possible. If she feels something is wrong or not right she will call me right away. If our daughter says something that does not sound right she will call and confirm and not jump to conclusions. We are able to get along and make the best of thing. I feel more parents can be like this if they are just willing to see both sides. bf
ingrid198
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 5:57 PM

 really, even in this situation? He is involved in decision processes etc but day to day besides 2 days a month, DH and i do all the work and run our family together its not like we met when DS was 4 and just introduced a bf on him and was like this is your new daddy haha

GrannyPantyPie
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 6:02 PM
1 mom liked this
I am 32 and I still call my stepfather daddy and my bio dad my father. He's been there since I was born. To my fathers face I call him dad.
Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 6:03 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting SaratheN: Step parents need to realize they aren't a parent. The child has two parents that get to decide on parenting.

Really?! What about the parents that ARE NOT involved with their child?

DH's ex wife's husband and BM raise her DH's children together-she's mom to his 2 kids because their mom took off and left them for drugs....

Every situation is different.

I'm a SM-been involved for 7 yrs-I PARENT my daughter and stepchildren. DH and BM are fine with the way things are....they have no problems with me being involved just like DH has no issue with SF being involved.


ingrid198
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 6:05 PM

 aw! I have a wonderful relationship with my dad and have always been daddy's girl..i couldn't image my kids not knowing that kind of love and commitment and my dh definitly provides that :) my son would think a dad is someone you see every few weeks for a sleepover and you go to chuck e cheeze..instead he knows a daddy is up in the middle of the night when you're sick or had a bad dream and is there for you all the time!

Quoting GrannyPantyPie: I am 32 and I still call my stepfather daddy and my bio dad my father. He's been there since I was born. To my fathers face I call him dad.

 

25 year old SAHM of two beautiful babies, Aiden july 5, 2008 & Sophia April 6 2010!




 

mommy_me
by Emerald Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 6:05 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm going to say what many won't admit.

It's different with a step mother than a step father. Period. And it's because no mother wants her place to be taken or shared. I know most with disagree but the truth is, stepdads get more leeway than a sm in most cases
ingrid198
by on Mar. 12, 2014 at 6:08 PM

 i completely agree. Most moms don't allow it, by being hands on moms who have custody and sure they'll work with a SM but BM will always be the mom. it is different with the men.

Quoting mommy_me: i'm going to say what many won't admit. It's different with a step mother than a step father. Period. And it's because no mother wants her place to be taken or shared. I know most with disagree but the truth is, stepdads get more leeway than a sm in most cases

 

25 year old SAHM of two beautiful babies, Aiden july 5, 2008 & Sophia April 6 2010!




 

GrannyPantyPie
by Bronze Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 6:11 PM
That's how I saw it with my father. But his "sleepovers" were so boring.

Quoting ingrid198:

 aw! I have a wonderful relationship with my dad and have always been daddy's girl..i couldn't image my kids not knowing that kind of love and commitment and my dh definitly provides that :) my son would think a dad is someone you see every few weeks for a sleepover and you go to chuck e cheeze..instead he knows a daddy is up in the middle of the night when you're sick or had a bad dream and is there for you all the time!


Quoting GrannyPantyPie: I am 32 and I still call my stepfather daddy and my bio dad my father. He's been there since I was born. To my fathers face I call him dad.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 6:13 PM
1 mom liked this

The way I look at it, and the way it works in my family is that my step daughter is my family. I don't care what my title is, and I don't care what her title is. She's my family and I will care for her as such. I think the attitude that people have about step parents is just crazy. My step daughter has a lot of people in her life that she considers family, even without the blood relation, or marital relation, but for some people, it's absurd for a step mother to be involved in her step child's life. It's just weird to me. If my husband wanted to be a single parent, he wouldn't have married me, so I'm not going to step back and not support him when it comes to parenting his daughter, the same as we parent our two children together.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)