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What now?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies
I live in a one bedroom appartment alone with my daughter. She is 1 year old. The last 2 year have been hell. I was a teen who got pregnant at 16. My mom wanted me to get an abortion but since its not what i wanted, she told me i had to move out and raise my child on my own. I was on my own. I went to a shelter where i was verbally abused by my roomates. I would always tell the lady in charge that i didnt feel safe and she never helped me. She was the type to try a act like their friends instead of helping them and doing displine in her own center. I moved out when my baby was born. I was scared and didnt feel safe at all in that shelter. I would cry every night. Cry myself to bed. Would call my mom and tell her to get me out and that i wasnt feeling safe. She never helped and said i was being a drama queen. I moved to my now one bedroom appartment where i almost got raped by someone who followed me home and where all my neighbors and druggies and yelling all the time. Im scared and dont feel safe or comfortable either. Its been a year and i still dont feel safe. I want to move but live in fear that something worse will happen since its always the case. Im scared i will pick an appartment thats even worse then this one and that something worse will happen to me compared to what happened in the past. Im on pa and refuse to put my child jn daycare. Shes my only one in this world and im way too scared. I just cant do it. In scared someone will rape her, abuse her, poison her in daycare. I always imagine the worse because the worse has happened to me and the worse is what my life is. Im in therapy and i feel the same, scared. What do i do :( i cant live like this. Its stopping me from living my life. Im way too over protective of my daughter since all this happened. I also got pregnant at 16 by a older boyfriend who raped me and would abuse me(beat me). My mother never knew this and nobody else did either. I was too ashamed and hurt. All these terrible things from my past run like a movie in my head every day before going to bed or when im in the bus just sitting or when im walking. Everytime i have free time to think. Its all that comes in my head. Over and over again. I want to have a sucessful life. But i cant do it:( i feel like giving up but i cant i need to do this for my dd.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 12, 2014 at 9:11 PM
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Replies (1-5):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2014 at 9:16 PM
Bump
dawnrothbaum
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 9:19 PM

Aww Sweetie!I am sorry you are doing this on your. It must have been a very difficult choice, to be on your own with a baby. Kudos to you! You mentioned you are on PA, and in a scary neighborhood. As scary as it seems, you really need to get a job. Work hard and move your baby to a safer neighborhood. Can you find a private sitter instead of daycare? You won't move out of there, or on with your life, unless you work for it. Did you graduate high school?

TheFairest
by Mother of Dragons on Mar. 12, 2014 at 9:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Imagine your brain like a tv and your thoughts like channels. Whenever bad thoughts come to mind, change the channel. Be prepared before hand. Think about positive things, imagine the possibilities in your life. Don't get stuck, find some place better for you and your daughter. Find some place safe and clean. GL, hugs.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 12, 2014 at 9:24 PM
Yes. I know i need to find a job to get a better life but im so scared to leave my daughter with a babysitter. Im scared something will happen to her. I dont ever want something to happen to her. I already feel like a failure after all this. I would feel like dying if something would happen to her. I know i need to do it but i just cant. I dont want to risk it. Just thinking about it stresses me out and makes me panic.
. I finished school i got my ged.

Quoting dawnrothbaum:

Aww Sweetie!I am sorry you are doing this on your. It must have been a very difficult choice, to be on your own with a baby. Kudos to you! You mentioned you are on PA, and in a scary neighborhood. As scary as it seems, you really need to get a job. Work hard and move your baby to a safer neighborhood. Can you find a private sitter instead of daycare? You won't move out of there, or on with your life, unless you work for it. Did you graduate high school?

dawnrothbaum
by Gold Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 9:29 PM

 It sounds like you have anxiety, have you considered speaking to a counselor,or therapist? It won't be easy to just push your fears aside, maybe you can get to the source? Also, you could be suffering from post partum depression, which will make you feel like a big failure (in your mind). Can you see a doctor?

Quoting Anonymous: Yes. I know i need to find a job to get a better life but im so scared to leave my daughter with a babysitter. Im scared something will happen to her. I dont ever want something to happen to her. I already feel like a failure after all this. I would feel like dying if something would happen to her. I know i need to do it but i just cant. I dont want to risk it. Just thinking about it stresses me out and makes me panic. . I finished school i got my ged.
Quoting dawnrothbaum:

Aww Sweetie!I am sorry you are doing this on your. It must have been a very difficult choice, to be on your own with a baby. Kudos to you! You mentioned you are on PA, and in a scary neighborhood. As scary as it seems, you really need to get a job. Work hard and move your baby to a safer neighborhood. Can you find a private sitter instead of daycare? You won't move out of there, or on with your life, unless you work for it. Did you graduate high school?

 

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