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I am taken for granted, big time

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 2 Replies

I am completely frustrated with my family, most specifically my teenager and my husband, right now.

I have two smaller children that take a lot of my time. I stay home with them, I love what I do, but it's still a lot of work and my husband takes me for granted. My teenager takes me for granted in other ways. Basically I'm tired of being a maid, having my feelings ignored.

Case in point. My son has asthma but he also got croup last week. He woke basically choking, out of air, with that barking cough. I thought it was the worst ever asthma attack and so I was panicked, and when the nebulizer didn't work rushed to the bathroom to turn on the steam. My teenager was standing there taking out her contact lenses. I said, "I need to get in there" as she was blocking the door. She moved very slowly, continuing doing what she was doing, and not moving out of my way while she said, "Just a second."

Well I needed to get in there, so I pushed past her. I was holding my son. I turned on the hot water and told her to get out, so I could shut the door. In the meantime my husband was calling the fire dept. and good thing we did all this, because my son really couldn't breathe. They gave him oxygen and we ended up in the ER where they diagnosed him with croup and gave him some steroids to open the airways.

A couple days later my daughter refered to this episode at the dinner table. She said I was crazy, said that I practically knocked her down, and when I said her brother couldn't breathe she completely downplayed the whole importance of why I had to do what I did. I tried to explain it to her, he needed to breathe. Her answer was, "I needed to take my contacts out" so I told her the life-saving difference between what she needed to do, and what I needed to do. At the dinner table, she mocked and ridiculed me further. So I looked to my husband to say something.

He usually doesn't involve himself but this one seemed like a no-brainer and I was sure he'd say something to her. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders, turned to me breifly before staring ahead eating, and said, "I'm trying to eat."

So when I spoke to him immediately after dinner and we were alone for a few minutes, he blamed me for bringing this up during dinner and starting a fight!  Yet, he saw it my way. He said jokingly, "I woulda' knocked her down", and refused to say anything to her.

Now, my husband has his own taking-me-for-granted issues. One night I gave him two choices for what to have for dinner. He chose tacos, but said, "I know it's a lot of work..." I said, no prob., I'll make that. So I started cooking. HIs friend called who had some hand-me-downs for our kids that he's been needing to get. This guy lives 5 min. away. He said he'd be back in a few, I said yeah, fine.

Two hours later I'm wondering where he is. I figured some other guys had dropped by and they were drinking beer. Well, in his lame attempts to justify this one it turns out I was completely right in guessing what happened. I would've been satisfied if he'd called me to say hey, "so and so's here I haven't seen in a while, so I'll be home after dinner". I think on my part, that's being extremely reasonable - but he didn't even have the decency to call and tell me that.

I dealt with it by throwing out the tacos after the kids had had their fill - this isn't the first time something similar's happened. In fact, my husband works over-time here and there. I never know if when exactly he's coming home, and I keep asking him to call me and he doesn't. I decided dinner time is a particular time, and if he's late, he can reheat it. But I think that's not fair. He could just let me know.

Not to mention the fact his laundry never makes the basket and I have to get on all fours to scrounge around the bedroom picking it up. Or the fact that he never takes me out anymore. Or that he took his last vacation during Xmas to lay around the house the entire 8 days while i cooked and cleaned, he slept late every day and wouldn't let me take an hour nap when I got exhausted.

The only thing he seems to really want to do with me is have sex, or complain about his work stress. I have no problem with either but he never asks how my day is, and in all my years as a mom of 3 kids has he ever told me I was a good mother.

I so want to call a family meeting with these two and tell them how they make me feel like shit, day in and day out. I know they wouldn't take it seriously. Already I've told him "you take me for granted" and sometimes I'll preface that with the "you make me feel like you take me for granted". Either way, he actualy denies my feelings! He will say "No I don't."

If you got this far, thank you.

 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 12, 2014 at 11:11 PM
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Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 12, 2014 at 11:19 PM

That sounds like my husband :(  I know it really sucks. I also loved being a stay at home mom, but didn't like the huge work load and lack of freedom/spare time that came with it.  The only solution to that was going to work and putting the kids in daycare.  It has been a HUGE help since no one is here to make messes all day, but he still does next to nothing around the house, and also has that problem of not telling me when he's going to be home.  I told him I want a divorce and he's finally doing a little better, but at this point I've given up and it's going to be really hard to get any good feelings for him back.  

mommyof11050307
by Ruby Member on Mar. 12, 2014 at 11:28 PM
I suggest counseling with your husband of your willing to work it out with him. As for your daughter she'd have her ass handed to her. She'd come home from school to nightingale but a bed a few sets of Walmart cloths and a pair of ugly glasses till she learned to treat you with respect.
Please correct me if I'm wrong or assuming this isn't how it is in your house. It seems like they are used to you doing everything and allowing them to treat you like this. You need to tell them how it's going to go. They won't stop unless you change how you address them and maybe it'll take you being a notch to them. I'd stop doing everything for them as well.
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