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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Mil wants me to keep a secret from dh UPDATE

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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My mil who is the sweeties found out she jad breast cancer in both breast ,they removed her breast and just finished chemo . Now they are doing radiation . Just today they found more lumps on her neck and think it may have spread . She hasn't told her kids and she doesn't want me to tell my dh . What should I do ????? Right before he found the cancer last year she left fil of 40 years because cheated and hit her for years and none of her 4 kids believe her so she only tells me everything .... HELP

EDIT mil told dh and the other kids . Thank goodness . I talked to dh and told him I was sorry I couldn't keep it from him much longer . He said he wasn't upset with me that he understands she needed to talk to someone . Thanks for all of your input ladies .
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 18, 2014 at 4:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
brookemhowell
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 4:59 AM
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I would honestly respect her wishes, as long as she promises to tell her children in due time, and not mention she confided in you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 18, 2014 at 5:00 AM
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She hasn't even told them she has cancer? Are you 100% sure that she does? I'm not trying to be horrible here, if she does then I wish her the best but I think it's weird none of her children, including your husband, believe anything she says.
TigressLily
by Gold Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 5:03 AM
10 moms liked this

She needs someone to confide in. Be her friend, and keep it a secret. It's hard to keep secrets like that, especially since that secret can change lives, but she needs someone to be there for her that she can trust. Keep being that person.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 18, 2014 at 5:06 AM
They know about the Breast cancer , not that it's spread .

Quoting Anonymous: She hasn't even told them she has cancer? Are you 100% sure that she does? I'm not trying to be horrible here, if she does then I wish her the best but I think it's weird none of her children, including your husband, believe anything she says.
SleuthMaria
by Gold Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 5:06 AM
2 moms liked this

I don't know what YOU should do. Personally, I would tell my husband. I couldn't keep a secret that big from my husband, nor would I want to. I mean, if it was a friend of mine, yeah, I 'd keep the secret, but his mother. Nope, I couldn't do it. Of course, having seen how much it hurt people when some family members tried to keep news of my sister-in-law's cancer secret, I do think telling is better than secrets, but . . .

livric
by Platinum Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 5:22 AM
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hmmm that is really tricky and your MIL has put you in a bad spot.   If you keep the secret you risk damaging your own marriage if it got out and your DH learns you knew.   On the other hand if you tell,  you hurt someone that you say is a lovely person.    I am sorry you are going through this.   good luck with what you choose to do.

BrownEyedGirl86
by Silver Member on Mar. 18, 2014 at 5:22 AM
5 moms liked this
I agree with this. If roles were reversed what would you want???

I also would go behind her back. I would sit her down and tell her you can't just not tell him. You want her to have a support team for the journey she is about to go on. And your husbands gotta know. Give her the chance to tell him herself knowing you aren't going to keep the secret.


Quoting SleuthMaria:

I don't know what YOU should do. Personally, I would tell my husband. I couldn't keep a secret that big from my husband, nor would I want to. I mean, if it was a friend of mine, yeah, I 'd keep the secret, but his mother. Nope, I couldn't do it. Of course, having seen how much it hurt people when some family members tried to keep news of my sister-in-law's cancer secret, I do think telling is better than secrets, but . . .

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 18, 2014 at 5:26 AM
6 moms liked this
Maybe encourage her to tell your husband... But give her a few weeks. She's probably still processing it mall herself and is still hurt by being unsupported by him in her decision to leave the marriage. After a month tell her it's eating you up knowing and that she needs to tell him soon or you will.
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Mar. 18, 2014 at 5:32 AM
3 moms liked this
Thank you !!! I don't ever hide anything from dh . I just know that she doesn't trust a lot of people right now. Good advice

Quoting Anonymous: Maybe encourage her to tell your husband... But give her a few weeks. She's probably still processing it mall herself and is still hurt by being unsupported by him in her decision to leave the marriage. After a month tell her it's eating you up knowing and that she needs to tell him soon or you will.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 18, 2014 at 5:38 AM
I see. Why don't her children believe her about your fil?

Quoting Anonymous: They know about the Breast cancer , not that it's spread .

Quoting Anonymous: She hasn't even told them she has cancer? Are you 100% sure that she does? I'm not trying to be horrible here, if she does then I wish her the best but I think it's weird none of her children, including your husband, believe anything she says.
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