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should I get a Divorce? wwyd looong

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 102 Replies
1 mom liked this

 

Poll

Question: Would you divorce him?

Options:

Divorce. asap

stay separated for the foreseeable future, comment why

do your best to work things out

for better or worse, stay married

I'll tell you in a comment


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 125

View Results

I've been married for 4 year, been with hubs for 5. we have 2 kids a 3 year old and an almost 2 year old.
he didn't come to any pregnancy appointments, slept through labor (22 hours) and was pissy when the nurse woke him up for me to push. refused to change diapers, didn't really hold the baby, baby was in the nicu for a week husband only came to see us twice for about 20 mins each time, then he deployed for a full year just 5 weeks after the born and when he came back he had very little to do with us, we got pregnant the day he came home from being deployed, he didn't come to any appointments (including the ultrasound) and we moved across the country. 

He started spending all of his free time with a friend and I'd go to bed alone almost every night, he refused to do anything physical with me because "the pregnancy grossed him out" then he was actually kind of fantastic during labor but couldn't take care of our almost 2 year old alone, he brought him up to the hospital for diaper changes and wouldn't feed him anything but fast food, I ended up begging to go home early so I could take care of the kid. 

He started fishing a lot, i mean 30-40 hours a week, on top of being in the army. things kept getting worse and 6 months ago he was fishing 40-60 hours every week, was going in to work early and hardly talking to me, never sees the kids because they go to bed before he gets home and sleep til well after he leaves.
  he bowed up on my last may and yelled but didn't hit me. we left but were convinced to come back because he swore he'd do anger management and counseling and quit smoking (i have asthma) but he had only said that to get me to come back and he didn't do anything.
 

We are currently separated and I am living with my mom  (and my kids) going to school to get a job.
 he did 3 sessions of anger management and basically came out saying i was a bitch and controlling and cheating and he didn't have anger issues...

I feel like the kids deserve to be raised by both parents, even if he is un involved they'd see him even less if we divorced (possibly never) 
and I don't want to deal with the drama of step parents/step parenting.

I can't prove it but I am fairly certain he cheated on me during the deployment but i don't think he has since then, and he has only been kind of violent once, he grabbed my hand and squeezed until i dropped my phone.
WWYD?

also I'm about to go to class so I might not respond for a few hours

 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 19, 2014 at 5:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
UxorQuodMatris.
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2014 at 5:57 PM
3 moms liked this
I would have divorced him a long, long time ago.

I don't do the whole not helping with the kids thing. Nope.
Roo1234
by on Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:00 PM
6 moms liked this
The kids have never been raised by both parents if what you have written its true.

The issue of divorce is irrelevant except to formalize what already is.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:04 PM

there was about 3 weeks where he was great with the kids, he came home after work and read them a short story before bed and got them in pjs and stuff... but then he quit and went back to his needing "self time"  allthe time....

Quoting Roo1234: The kids have never been raised by both parents if what you
have written its true. The issue of divorce is irrelevant except to formalize what already is.


Jennyanne322
by Ruby Member on Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:04 PM
3 moms liked this
I am normally not one to say throw in the towel before trying to work things out first, but this man isn't going to change. He has proven over and over again that he doesn't see anything wrong with his behavior. I would have left after having the first child. Good luck momma!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:04 PM

This doesn't sound like much of a marriage and it doesn't sound like he really wants to be a father or husband.    I think remaining separated is a good idea and then probably pursue a divorce.  I just don't know that he will ever be the husband you need and father the kids deserve.  :-(

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:05 PM
I don't have advice, just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this. ((Hugs))
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:06 PM

I know he has potential! sadly that is what keeps me around... i keep hoping one day things will just get better, everyone told me "at 25 guys just grow up, like someone flips a switch and things are better" now that he is 25 and a half everyone is saying "27, that is when it changes" i feel like that will just keep going and going until we're 60 and I'm still alone.

Quoting Anonymous:

This doesn't sound like much of a marriage and it doesn't sound like he really wants to be a father or husband.    I think remaining separated is a good idea and then probably pursue a divorce.  I just don't know that he will ever be the husband you need and father the kids deserve.  :-(


bmw29
by spitfire_bobbie on Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:07 PM
Personally I would kill his sorry ass but you should probably just divorce him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:07 PM

Thank you so much.

Quoting Anonymous: I don't have advice, just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this. ((Hugs))


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 19, 2014 at 6:10 PM
How old is he? How long has he been in the army? What was his deployment like? Have you spoken to the chaplain?

Are you aware of the services available to you and him?
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