UPDATE #3--my family is insane!!!!AAH! Are my mom and sister right?! (Starting to get pissed...Long...)
I don't know why I went anon for all of this--I'm so unknown here that this won't matter a bit, but I'm Chandra314.
Okay, so I decided to post a very general statement on FB. Something along these lines:
"I'm the luckiest lady in the world--L & X gave me a new wedding set (replacing my original, crunched up-in-the-disposer-ring).
This set is particularly special because my fellas gave it to me representing all of us (and identical bands for twins--too cute)!
DH did a great job picking out the set and the symbolism is beyond precious to me.
I, honestly, couldn't be happier...and it's truly unfortunate that some people seem to be overly concerned about trivial details and less focused on the incredible meaning behind such a thoughtful gift. Your ugly pettiness has been noted, trust me."
So that's what it says. I blocked them And five additional people who were being assholes. I heard nothing from nobody ... Until around dinner time.
My mother called me and asked who I thought I was?!
How dare I block her.
How dare I make a fool of her in front of the family...(really. She said this...)
I told her that I wasn't interested in having a relationship with her until she learned how to truly love and that we didn't need or want her around, acting this way.
I hang up. I'm not good with confrontation.
She calls back and wants some of my grandmother's items. I didn't actually inherit most of them, but I chose to take them when she passed--some costume jewelry, serving bowls, blankets, and other random stuff. I DID, however, inherit a gorgeous set of dishes from Italy--worth a small fortune.
My mom was under the impression that she was going to inherit the set, but it was left to me (even though it's in my basement--I'm too afraid to use it with the boys around--I treasure that set.)
She's screaming about how she wants the dishes and some other things.
I tell her to get lost. Hang up.
My sister calls me. Same shit.
30 minutes later, they're at my door (along with my aunt). At first I don't answer it, but DH is too nice (it's snowing), and let's them in.
Since we're not family anymore--you know--bc of some very small crap I said ON FACEBOOK, they demand this and that because those things need to stay "in the family".
I told them that they are staying in the family and to leave. Now.
That's when the husbands come in. They were in the car.
((Did I mention we're Italian? Because it looked pretty stereotypical...))
My uncle and brother-in-law started going upstairs (my dad stayed downstairs and was trying to get my Mom to leave)...
DH stepped in between BIL and the stairs and told him to F_ off. BIL swung and hit him in the eye.
DH grabbed BIL's shirt collar and pushed him across the room. BIL swung again, DH ducked and BIL's hand shattered one of the windows in our dining room (It's an older house--I was shocked that the windows could break like that).
They continued fighting, but DH never hit him--I was very proud of how restrained he was.
He told me that he didn't want to be charged with anything and he didn't want the boys to see him hit their uncle.
Needless to say, I called the cops and they came pretty quickly.
The fight was obvious from my trashed house. And the bloodied men.
I explained that my crazy-ass family is trying to take some of my inherited items.
They asked if we'd like to press charges and to my surprise, DH said yes! So they arrested BIL for battery (I believe).
My sister told the cops that they'd like to press charges on my DH as well.
The look on the cop's face was priceless. He even noticed that DH didn't hit BIL and said that he handled it really well. (DH could have kicked BIL's ass--and I honestly sorta wish he had).
I'm also going through the paperwork for a restraining order on all of them--I have no idea what all I need to do.
My boys were there for the whole thing :(
They couldn't stop crying and even though they saw what happened, they've been acting a bit scared of DH--they've never even seen a fight before.
After the police left, so did everybody else. Thankfully.
We now have trash bags duct taped to the gaping hole in our house--need to call insurance. Several things are broken--some picture frames, a vase, candle holders/wax burner, a bookshelf, etc.
And to add insult to injury, while DH and BIL were fighting they stepped(?) on our iPad--however it happened, it's broke :(
The iPad was a Christmas gift from Santa to the family--and while the boys's time with it was restricted, it was very special to them (we really wanted to get two, but affording one was an incredible stretch :(
We can't afford to replace anything right now...it just feels so awful.
I know it's only a stupid iPad--but I'm so sad.
The boys are upset and scared.
And DH is all bruised up, cut up, and SORE.
And we are all cold.
I don't give a Fuck what happens to my family from here on out. This has been the most ridiculous situation I've ever encountered. I'm so pissed off and hurt that this has happened--and DH can't stop thinking about how his gesture caused all of this.
I keep telling him that my family is obviously insane and if it hadn't been the ring, it would have been something else.
(He's hard to convince though--and he blames himself for the iPad--it's going to be a while until we can even think about getting a new one. Ugh!)
So there it is.
Sorry it took so long to update. Thanks again ladies for being so supportive.
I'll be responding throughout the day and I'll update this if/as things develop.
((*for those who asked, I do have Ehlers Danlos type III -- I was just diagnosed. Can you ladies PM me? I have so many questions.*))
teeny, tiny update:
If you've been following this post, I just want to say thank you & I haven't forgotten to update.
Shit, basically, hit the fan when I barely even mentioned their bad attitudes on FB.
I'm dealing with...((wait for it))...LAW ENFORCEMENT right now.
My family is fucking nuts--I don't understand how/when they went from just being a nuisance to actually IMPACTING my life.
I promise to update details and everything when I get a chance.
Thanks again for all the support and positivity.
((To say that MC has actually been a positive sounding board, in contrast to my real life, is really /saying/ something!!! ;))
Update when I can.
About two months ago, my three-old-boys were helping me do dishes (they love to wash and rinse), well when they were done (and back to playing on the floor), I turned on the garbage disposer--it makes tons of crunching noises, so I wait a second and turn it off.
I had no idea what was in there until I can't find my wedding ring :( By that time, I've ran water, moved the grossness around, etc, and find nothing. By the time DH comes home and takes the pipes apart, it's gone.
I've had that ring since I was married at 20 (we've been together since we were 15 and we are now 33).
Okay...it's my fault for leaving the ring in a little ring container on the window sill. It was gorgeous and I loved it very much.
My kiddos come to me with two little home-painted boxes and in them were two bands.
They said that these were my new rings and that Daddy and they love me very much and they want me to be with them forever.
Basically, DH bought two identical infinity bands with the intention of them representing our relationship--while incorporating our identical twin boys. I teared up as they put the rings on me, and it was very special.
Now, I know that we cannot afford real diamonds at the moment (which is fine--I don't need them--too much conflict involved, as well as commercialism, IMO--but I don't judge others at all--my original set was diamonds).
These are Swarovski crystals and they look very lovely--not really a wedding set, more of a wedding band.
I told my mother and my sister about what my family did. And they won't stop giving me a ration of shit! They even posted on FB about how my DH didn't even try to get something "real" or meaningful.
The other problem, apparently, is that the kids should have NO place in our wedding set--it's not about us as a family--it's about DH and I as a couple. They continue to tell anybody who'll listen that it's the most immature thing DH could do. And that the rings look cheap (which are their opinions, fine. By why share it with the world? And include hurtful commentary?)
Sooo...what say you? I wouldn't care so much if it weren't coming across that all my guys did a ridiculous thing, and if my mother and sister were just keeping their opinions to themselves. I don't want my kiddos to feel like it wasn't special and I actually think it's starting to hurt DHs feelings because of how demeaning they're being on a public forum.
Thoughts? Am I being ridiculous? Or are they being douchebags? What would you think if your DH and kids did that?
((Sorry so long))
First of all, THANK YOU ladies! Y'all have been so incredibly supportive.
I've read all your comments and I wanted to address a couple things:
1.) I've been showing DH how appreciative of this gesture I am--and I really, truly am! It means soooo much more than if he had simply bought a replacement diamond ring.
2.) This IS actually starting to hurt DHs feelings.
He asked me if I would have rather HE just give the ring to me or save up until we could get a gemstone. He's a romantic guy and even though he's pretty much a dude's dude, his feelers are sensitive and he's starting to second guess his nice gesture.
3.) When I woke up this morning and checked FB, my mother had posted several pictures of 'similar' rings to the one I was given--but these pics are all just REALLY cheap. Like, Claire's, Justice $3.99 crap that doesn't even come close to looking right...whatever, right? Cuz it doesn't matter; it's the thought that counts...except that both she and my sister are making comments like:
"Looks like they had to split the cost three ways!"
"I guess we know who picked those out--the boys are just about the right age to start shopping at Claire's."
And some of my drama-loving relatives are starting to make comments--jumping on the bandwagon.
((I should explain why some of my family is like this--they've decided that we are deserving of their bad attitude because I turned in a close cousin for child abuse.
I don't regret it one bit--I was right. My cousin decided that her four-year-old was fat (she was MAYBE slightly overweight), so she cut her diet down to so few calories that she lost 12 lbs in 2 months (went from 44lbs to 32lbs). She came over and told me that she was starving, I asked my cousin and she said that she refused to have a fatty daughter. Now before anyone says that I should Mind my own business, she looked starving, was getting sick, and her mom saw nothing wrong with what she was doing. Then my cousin started hiding her DD from people because of bruises that were appearing. I turned her in after trying to reach out to multiple family members. Since then, I'm public enemy #1 and they simply can't get enough of the fact that DH and I are struggling financially right now--he's ha two shoulder surgeries in the past three months, and I've had seven surgeries in the past three years. I have a degenerative disease that causes me to dislocate and injure myself frequently. So our medical bills are taking over and we really aren't living comfortably, at all...))
They're so ridiculously mean. They kick people when they're down and laugh the whole time.
So, I tried to call my mom--no answer. I called Sis--no answer.
I know I have to defend DH. I want to! --but I'd like to not stoop to being as "klassy" as my dipshit mom and sibling.
So it looks like I'm gonna have to do this publicly (ie: on FB)...
What are your thoughts?
I don't want to go all-out Biotch on them only because some of DHs associates at work are mutual friends and while I'm desperate to scream from the rooftops how kickass my fellas are, I don't want to look like a dick in front of his colleagues, KWIM?
Once again, thanks for all your kind words. I'll keep this updated.
(And all apologies for being so long winded)
Thanks again, mamas! The feedback in this post has been so helpful ((and no drama! On CM! Can you believe it?!))
I'm going to write something supportive yet snarky -- and then drop 'em.
You ladies are right-- they're toxic and awful.
I'll post what I write an the eventual blowback.
Thanks for all the positive joojoo. I'm going to how it to my DH--this'll make him smile. He's a really great guy and I don't want him doubting himself.