I have a son who is autistic.
I love him and am terrified for his future.
He is 8.
I homeschool him because schools out here suck and because private is too expensive, and the one good school is only for grades 4th and up.
I do an online schooling with my son.
So we do have help from certified teachers and such.
Today he asked me how old he is. He couldn't remember he said. He honestly couldn't remember.
He also couldn't remember the seasons.
Our conversation looked like this.
He says Summer Fall.
Ok I said so what comes after Winter?
Ummmm I dont know...
Okay so what comes after WINTER?
No. Are we out of school yet?
So what is the season now?
Ummm... I dont know!
Spring Summer Fall.
RIGHT so what comes after Winter?
Ok. Lets take a different way about this. The beginning of the year new years it gets cold and snows.
Than what happens?
It went on and on and on and fucking on.
I dont know what to fucking do. I thought he learned this shit years ago!!!!!!!!
He doesnt retain SHIT.
He still cant read.
I just want to crawl into a ball of cry and scream until death itself gets pissed and takes me away.
I want to dig a hole throw myself into it, and pull the sides of dirt on top of me.
I finally lost it and yelled at him. And I am officially the WORST parent on the planet because I yelled at an autistic child who cannot help it. I called him STUPID. My 11 year old son finally came up to me and said STOP IT! IS CALLING HIM STUPID REALLY GOING TO HELP?!
Meanwhile my autistic child was freaking out because I was yelling and calling him names like a nasty cruel horrid bitch. YES. Thats what I am, a NASTY CRUEL HORRID BITCH AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT.
I started crying when my older son said that. Just bawling saying I was sorry over and over again. It doesn't make what I did any better at all. And to top it off, instead of him hating me, when I was crying saying how sorry I am he KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK AND SAID HE LOVED ME AND FORGAVE ME. I DIDNT DESERVE THAT.
I dont know what to do. I really truly just dont know what to do any more.