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I am about ready to end it all. Seriously.

Posted by Anonymous
  • 77 Replies

I have a son who is autistic.

I love him and am terrified for his future.

He is 8.

I homeschool him because schools out here suck and because private is too expensive, and the one good school is only for grades 4th and up.

I do an online schooling with my son.

So we do have help from certified teachers and such.

Today he asked me how old he is. He couldn't remember he said. He honestly couldn't remember.

He also couldn't remember the seasons.

Our conversation looked like this.

Winter... Spring....

He says Summer Fall.

Ok I said so what comes after Winter?

Ummmm I dont know...



Okay so what comes after WINTER?

Um Summer?

No. Are we out of school yet?


So what is the season now?

Ummm... I dont know!


Spring Summer Fall.

RIGHT so what comes after Winter?


Ok. Lets take a different way about this. The beginning of the year new years it gets cold and snows.

Thats winter.

Than what happens?


It went on and on and on and fucking on.

I dont know what to fucking do. I thought he learned this shit years ago!!!!!!!!

He doesnt retain SHIT.

He still cant read.

I just want to crawl into a ball of cry and scream until death itself gets pissed and takes me away.

I want to dig a hole throw myself into it, and pull the sides of dirt on top of me.

I finally lost it and yelled at him. And I am officially the WORST parent on the planet because I yelled at an autistic child who cannot help it. I called him STUPID. My 11 year old son finally came up to me and said STOP IT! IS CALLING HIM STUPID REALLY GOING TO HELP?!

Meanwhile my autistic child was freaking out because I was yelling and calling him names like a nasty cruel horrid bitch. YES. Thats what I am, a NASTY CRUEL HORRID BITCH AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT.

I started crying when my older son said that. Just bawling saying I was sorry over and over again. It doesn't make what I did any better at all. And to top it off, instead of him hating me, when I was crying saying how sorry I am he KISSED ME ON THE CHEEK AND SAID HE LOVED ME AND FORGAVE ME. I DIDNT DESERVE THAT.

I dont know what to do. I really truly just dont know what to do any more.

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Stacey on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:44 PM
2 moms liked this

 It's ok. We all have moments as parents we are not proud of. You apologized and you can now move foward. I am sorry for your struggles.

by Gold Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:47 PM
it sounds like your over due for a break. Have the dad take them for a day and you spend a you day. Go get your nails done, go watch a movie. Go out for coffee, something.
Also look into some tutoring for your child. Even if you cant afford a large tutor center try your local college or even facebook groups. You may be able to find a college student who would be happy to make a little money on the side. You can also check out you can find a good tutor on there.
Good lucks.
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:48 PM

 I dont know what to do. I dont know what is best anymore. Part of me want to toss him back into the school system, but he is better than he used to be since doing schooling at home. But he still isn't getting it. Or retaining what he needs to retain. Im so not sure where to go from here and I hate that I lost my cool with him.

Quoting MrsDavidB25:

 It's ok. We all have moments as parents we are not proud of. You apologized and you can now move foward. I am sorry for your struggles.


by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:49 PM

That was an authentic monent. You're allowed to feel that way. We can't be perfect, on point and pc all of the time- we do have breaking points as human. You recognize what you did and you're remorseful. It's alright. Your son knows that you love him.

I'm so sorry. It must be really stressful sometimes.

by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:50 PM
We've all said and done things as parents that we shouldn't have said or done and regretted. We're all human. I'm sorry you're going through this. Hang in there. I hope you can find someone on here that can give you some advice. *hugs*
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:53 PM
Raising an autistic child is FAR from being easy! I know. I've also fallen apart like that and I've also beaten myself up worse than ever because of it. You definitely need a break. Just talk to him when everyone feels better. And remember you are human.
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:56 PM

Learning disability.  For sure.  Get a tutor-or get creative.

I assume he can write?  Make him write the season out.  Try paper -if he can write it out and then remember it-you have your answer.

If paper doesn't work, try having him use magnetic letters on magnetic board. If that doesn't work try using playdough or writing in silly sand.

THERE is something that is keeping him from remembering-when you find it-you will have your solution.

Maybe he needs to cut the letters out an paste the. Mabeflash cards with pictures and the words will do it.

Unless you can afford testing-you need to figure it out 

How does he remeber what he does remember? 

Would a song help? Typing it on the compputer?


by on Mar. 21, 2014 at 7:59 PM

It sounds like you need a break. (((hugs)))

by on Mar. 21, 2014 at 8:05 PM
Aww mama. You need a lot of patience. Walk away if things get tough for you. Let him think about the question for 15mins. That way you have time to cool down and settle your anger. Make a cup of tea and breathe during those 15mins break. He sounds like he has a intellectual learning disability. If so, they have a hard time to remember most tasks that are thrown at them.

I know its difficult. So dont knock yourself over it. Its normal to react like that. Cheer up and keep plodding at a pace your son can handle.

by Anonymous 6 on Mar. 21, 2014 at 8:15 PM
Look up 3 irish jewels farm/ foundation. It's not up and running yet but the founder is amazing women with an autistic boy. Maybe talking to someone who knows what your dealing with will help. Hugs xoxo
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