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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

So What If I'm "Delusional"?

Posted by on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:21 AM
  • 178 Replies
1 mom liked this

Ok, so when I go to my therapy intake meeting and request the female doctor that means I fucking want to talk to the female doctor. When I show up for my appointment, don't tell me that she is out for the day but the male doctor has a free appointment. If you bother to read my file, one of the reasons I am going to therapy is because I was sexually abused and I am uncomfortable being around men Dumbass! 

Call me delusional if you want to. I don't care. I've heard it before. I grew up with a drug addicted mother who pimped me out to her drug addicted boyfriends or sometimes let them have sex with me for free because she didn't fucking want to have sex with them. That's how I got pregnant with my twins. Yes, I know that it is delusional but I am scared of men. I always feel like they are all looking at me like they're going to hurt me. I always talk about waiting to have more kids until after I'm married but the thought terrifies me to be honest. The thought of having a man in my house, trusting him to lie beside me while I sleep where he can just do anything he wants to me makes me have anxiety attacks. I hear coworkers talk about their husbands watching the kids and it just makes my heart pound and my first thought is "You idiot! You left him unsupervised with your children? Do you want them to get raped?"  

I am terrified because I am raising two future men right now. My brother is 11 and my son is 7 months. I also have a 7 month old daughter. I pray every day that I will be able to handle them when they are older but I am secretly afraid that I will be nervous with them. That is why I am trying to get back to the doctor and get some help. I am aware that it is stupid to feel that way. I am aware that it isn't fair. Not all men rape children but that is all I grew up around. I can't change that. I can't change how I feel. 

Just the thought of being alone in the room with that male doctor has had me in a mild panic attack all day long. How am I ever going to get through LIFE if I'm scared to death of men? I need help and yet the doctor thinks it's perfectly ok to not show up for my appointment and not calling to reschedule or even let me know that she wasn't going to be there. This would have been my first appointment. Ugh!

by on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
thetrollcat
by Meow on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:23 AM
2 moms liked this

you are delusional if you see dead people

squeekers
by Platinum Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:24 AM

 give her one more try. she doesn't know you yet.

RocknRoll.Rose
by Platinum Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:31 AM

Yeah, we're going to try again next week. 

Quoting squeekers:

 give her one more try. she doesn't know you yet.


RocknRoll.Rose
by Platinum Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:32 AM
2 moms liked this

What if I just talk to them? Is that bad?

Quoting thetrollcat:

you are delusional if you see dead people


thetrollcat
by Meow on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:33 AM

then you become schizophrenic meow

Quoting RocknRoll.Rose:

What if I just talk to them? Is that bad?

Quoting thetrollcat:

you are delusional if you see dead people


diaperstodating
by on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:36 AM
Hugs
curvygurl1912
by Renee on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:38 AM

hugs

RocknRoll.Rose
by Platinum Member on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:41 AM

Hmm. That's a little disturbing. 

Quoting thetrollcat:

then you become schizophrenic meow

Quoting RocknRoll.Rose:

What if I just talk to them? Is that bad?

Quoting thetrollcat:

you are delusional if you see dead people


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:43 AM
You get over it. It's completely irrational to think every man you come in contact with is going to hurt you.
thetrollcat
by Meow on Mar. 25, 2014 at 12:43 AM
1 mom liked this

you will be alright meow, 80% of us are delusional and 40% of the 80% are probably schizo

Quoting RocknRoll.Rose:

Hmm. That's a little disturbing. 

Quoting thetrollcat:

then you become schizophrenic meow

Quoting RocknRoll.Rose:

What if I just talk to them? Is that bad?

Quoting thetrollcat:

you are delusional if you see dead people


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