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She's one of my closest do i say this without ruining a friendship?

Posted by Anonymous
  • 36 Replies
We met about 2 years ago, clicked instantly and have been close ever since. We are opposite in many ways but thats never been an issue for us. (The best way i can describe it is she is a little rough around the edges) I came to adore her for that though because she just is who she is and isnt afraid of what people think of her. There is one thing thats really been bothering me and im afraid if i dont say something her children could be in danger. I noticed when i first visited her home she wasnt much of a housekeeper, i let it go because everyone is different and i am one of those clean freaks that has to have everything spotless so it wasnt fair to make a judgement based on how i do things. However, over the past year its gotten progressively the point of being unsanitary. The kids are always dirty (soiled diapers, dirty clothes on, dirty hands and faces). I usually help her clean house when i come over and she always says "i wish i could clean like you but i just cant". So ive tried teaching her some easy ways to keep things tidy and organized but its useless. They leave trash, dirty clothes, dirty diapers, dirty dishes EVERYWHERE. The smell is almost unbearable. Last time i was over, the kitchen was so nasty i was gagging while cleaning. There were probably 2 or more weeks of dirty dishes and pans with food in or on them strewn all over the counters. Plates with food molded on them all over other rooms, on the coffe table, under the couch, etc. Trash and empty food boxes scattered all over the floors. The worst part was while i was cleaning i picked up 30+ soiled diapers from various places throughout the house. I could go on and on but thats the gist of it, its been like that everytime ive gone over for the last year. Last week she came to my house, as soon as they came in the smell was awful. To the point of making me gag. My husband says im not being a true friend if i dont sit her down and give her some tough love. She has 5 kids, three of which are 3 years, 1 year, and 6 months. Thats not a healthy environment for those babies and i know that. If children services walked into her home, i have no doubts those kids would be removed immediately. Im afraid its only a matter of time before someone reports her. So the question is, how do i have this conversation with her and still let her know that i am here to help not judge?

Eta: Thank you to those who have already responded, it will be later on today before i can sit down and reply back but i appreciate any advice i can get...this has been weighing on my mind for sometime.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:06 AM
by Ruby Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:08 AM
1 mom liked this

if she is your true friend, lay it out on the table. Tell her you will help her clean her house top to bottom. If she refuses, call CPS on her, her kids deserve better than that

by Platinum Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:09 AM
Tough one. But she needs a wake up call.
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:10 AM
You're just going to have to do it. Maybe even lie a little so she feels less judged. Like, "I totally get it, I used to be bad at cleaning too. But I learned how and I can help you too."

by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:11 AM
2 moms liked this

That's awful and really sad.

More than likely she has a mental illness. She needs some serious professional help. Before talking to her, I would gather some information on services/resources that could help her. 

by kid crack dealer on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:11 AM
It sounds like you've been trying to help her already but she sounds super overwhelmed. I'm not sure how but you have to get the point across that you're concerned for the kids. It's very sweet of you to be trying to help like you are.
by Ruby Member on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:11 AM
1 mom liked this

I would make a time when we could be together without the kids and let her know I am really worried about her, and tell her straight out what those concerns are.  People don't generally choose to live in filth.  When they do, there is usually something else going on like a severe depression, major medical issues, or addiction problem.  She might feel relieved to have someone to actually talk to about what is going on. 

by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:13 AM

Show her this post.

by on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:17 AM

 Is she so overwhelmed with 5 kids that young that she just can't keep up or is she just really sloppy? Have a talk with her and tell her you're concerned that someone will report her and you don't want to see that happen. Then offer to help her clean and give her some cleaning tips. Remind her to clean up as it gets a little messy.

by Andi on Mar. 26, 2014 at 10:19 AM
If you two are that close, tell her you need to talk, sit her down and be straightforward and honest with her.
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