I am really scared and I hate it-just a stress vent
Oh I wish I did not have all this pain. I just know it is new tumor growth, and where it is located is scaring the hell out of me. I can feel a knot on my jaw joint where it hurts...the pain has been excruciating, the kind that sends most people screaming to the ER. At least my oncologist and his team are taking me seriously. I have an MRI set up for this Friday and see my oncologist next Friday and it will probably end up feeling like the longest week ever. I am just so freaked out because I know how destructive these tumors are (I have been dealing with them since I was 20) and I am on chemo treatment right now and I just don't get why it doesn't seem to be working. I hate feeling scared, I hate feeling physically weak, I hate all the nausea, I hate all the pain and all the pain meds needed to keep the pain under control. Hate all of it. Most of all I hate this fucking rare cancer, hate that it's in a rare place. Nearly ALL types of this rare bone cancer/tumor are typically located in the legs and the arms, not the face.
Then on top of all of that I have to get my foundation repaired, something that I can't even begin to afford. However I did manage to get the information on the foundation repair company who the previous owners had used. So here's hoping there is some type of warranty on it! UGH! It's enough to make a mama want a girls (ha! if I only had any local friends)weekend getaway! Well that's my vent....thanks for reading ......it's 4:23 and I haven't slept.....for welll the reasons above..
Why are you up at this hour?