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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

My nephew punched my daughter and now my husband wants to kick them out :(

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
My sister's husband went to jail a month ago. Between his legal fees and him being sued, my sister and her son are broke. So, we let them move in here until they're back on their feet.

My kids are 16, 10 and 4. Our house is 4 small bedrooms so it's cramped with this many people here. My nephew is 13 and him and my daughter 16 bicker a lot. Yesterday, she was trying to do homework in the den since she can't do it in her room anymore, because she shares it with her sister 4 and her sister was playing. My nephew was playing a video game and she asked if he could play with them volume off. He said "no, shut up" and turned it up louder. She went and unplugged the game. He screamed "are you f-uh kidding me", jumped up and hit her in the face. My 10 year old witnessed all of this.

My hd was furious when he got home and told my sister and her son they have 30 days to get out. My sister is hysterical- they have no money and she's been trying to find a job but is having no luck. My daughter won't even be in the same room as him. I'm so upset- does anyone have any advice?
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 28, 2014 at 12:06 PM
Replies (381-390):
mama-mom-mommy
by Silver Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:22 AM
Poor kids lost home and dad and all sense of security.
Its wrong and your dh is right to want to kick them out but just try to work through it at least for the kids.
I know it will be hard but it must be really really hard 9n them, esoecially at 13 for a boy with no dad.
Momsold
by on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:32 AM

I agree with your husband.

That kid needs help NOW.  If he, at 13years old, can hit a girl...who knows what he might grow into.


Rebecca7708
by Platinum Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:35 AM
If he got that physically violent over a video game, how is he going to react over a more serious issue? He needs to go, and she needs to get him some therapy. With dad in jail, and them being kind of homeless, I'm not surprised he's acting out but, if she can nip this in the bud, there is a chance he can turn it around.
mamahufferd
by Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:37 AM
Quoting Sassy762:

If they have been in your house for less than 30 days you can just kick them out and they can't do anything about it. BUT They would have been thrown out last night....

At the very least I would have called the cops and filed a report and have the option of getting a restraining order against the kid for assaulting your DD



no you cannot just kick them out! here it doesn't matter how long they have been there, you must give them 30 day notice! per state law!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:38 AM
How will that teach him respect? It will do nothing but damage him further. It will teach him to live in fear and not trust.

Quoting Anonymous:

 


Quoting Anonymous: Of course I do. I'm furious that he did that. However, is a teenage boy overreacting worth making him and my sister homeless? Because they have no money and nowhere else to go if we kick them out.
Quoting Anonymous: Do you not see an issue with him hitting your dd??!

Sure even if it's for a week it'll teach him a lesson to respect other people home and rules.  Also it's force the mother to find a job faster.   

summerlove3677
by Platinum Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:38 AM

What did your sister do to your nephew?  He sounds like a bastard

nerthus
by Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:39 AM
1 mom liked this

I find it a bit disturbing that so many here just want to throw this kid and his mom out of the house; yes, he did something very wrong and he obviously has issues and no boundaries set by his mom. But as others here have said, this is a chance for the dh of the op to take this kid in hand and show him how a real man behaves, show him rules and boundaries and make his mom take responsibility for actually raising this child and helping him before it's too late and he too ends up in the prison system or screwing up his life because he has such anger and such entitlement issues. LIke it or not, they ARE family, and while some ladies on here are all too ready to toss family onto the streets because it's difficult to actually put in the work to help this child, I think that should be the last resort, not the first. The lady's daughter might possibly have defused the situation by finding somewhere else like the kitchen table to do her work and then let her mom and his mom know what was going on when they got home and let them handle it; he still would have been disciplined (hopefully!) but without the drama caused by two hormonal, displaced angry teens going at it. Cause she is displaced in her own home right now, too, and has her own stress. I think it would be helpful if ALL of you had counseling to help figure out ways to get along and compromise, etc. while this situation is ongoing; sure it might seem unfair that you, who have been kind enough to open your house to family in need, should also have to go even further to make things work; but again, it's family and if you really want to help your sis and nephew get a new start on life, it can be a good growing/learning experience for your whole family to acquire new ways of seeing life from the eyes/pov of someone less fortunate than they are and to learn new coping skills, etc. And then your family can better help your sister's little family and get them on their way all the faster, with the added gift of that angry young man learning some new life skills from a man he can admire and not just have his jailed dad as his main male role model. Kids that age are going through so much and he has all this added stress of his home being lost and his dad in jail, etc. He could go either way at this critical juncture, and it would be more than a shame to react in anger alone and show him that he isn't worth the effort; on some level he probably thinks that if his dad had loved him enough he wouldn't have been so selfish as to get himself landed in jail, and he probably feels unloved and also if his mom is so wrapped in her own problems and misery that she just lets his behavior go, he probably feels somehow unloved and neglected by her, as well. He SHOULD be disciplined for what he did and he MUST learn that he can NEVER hit a female and violence at all is not acceptable as a solution; but if you throw him and his mom out, he is just going to get the message that no one cares and no one can be trusted and if he's angry he's just gonna lash out again. The adults in the house will have to monitor everyone more closely, true, and make sure this type of situation can never reoccur; your children do need to feel safe in their own home. But to throw this kid away because it's going to be hard work to help him would be such a sad, easy-way-out solution.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:40 AM
If he's homeless how's he going to get the help he needs?

And hitting a girl is no worse than hitting a boy

Quoting Momsold:

I agree with your husband.

That kid needs help NOW.  If he, at 13years old, can hit a girl...who knows what he might grow into.

karenbrzez
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:41 AM

I would have to agree with your DH too. Nobody would hit my kid. Sounds like the situation is not ideal and I hope that have other relatives or friends they are able to stay with.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Mar. 29, 2014 at 9:41 AM
HOW can she get him help if they're homeless and she's unemployed? He will only get worse.

Quoting Rebecca7708: If he got that physically violent over a video game, how is he going to react over a more serious issue? He needs to go, and she needs to get him some therapy. With dad in jail, and them being kind of homeless, I'm not surprised he's acting out but, if she can nip this in the bud, there is a chance he can turn it around.
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