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I never thought I would hate my MIL...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies

When I met her, she was moving in with us. I went out of my way to make her feel welcome. I tried to connect with her. But from the beginning, I feel like she didn't like me. Okay, fine. Not everyone has to like me. But I was still cordial, welcoming, I bought everything she needed or wanted (I am the breadwinner in the house), including $5,000 worth of furniture for her room. I took her out just to get out when she had cabin fever and took her out to eat regularly. I send her family members money when she requests because they're having a hard time on bills. I buy her train tickets to various parts of the country when she wants to visit family and give her money to spend while she's there.

I work full time from home. Hubby and I also have a number of things on our plate that keep us busy almost all the time. I also homeschool my daughter.

Well I'm starting to get irritated. She has her own room. She doesn't work. She essentially sits in front of the TV in the living room all day and watches it with sound blaring. Sometimes I have to raise my voice over it to be heard. She sometimes cooks, but not often (I don't expect her to do that at all, but I'm fielding any questions you guys may have about the situation). I don't always keep up with the housework and I honestly expect her to pitch in. I've voiced this to her at least once before. She will eventually wash dishes, but she smirks at me if I walk in while she's doing them and she'll remark to other people how I don't keep up with the dishes. My DD will walk out while I'm working and ask her to make something to eat, if I walk in while she's cooking she'll smirk at me and call to DD in a singsong voice that her food is ready. She will do the laundry, but I try to do that first because she throws everything in together (i.e. greasy kitchen towels in with good clothes) and it drives me nuts.

She invites herself to things all the time - special rare mother-daughter days that I plan, or if we're trying to get away with just our 3-person family. If I come in and cuddle with my DH on the couch for literally 3 minutes while he's watching a movie and I'm passing from one room to another, she tries to take his attention by calling his name multiple times to show him generic pictures of wildlife or landscape on Facebook. 

She's so very passive aggressive in general - instead of asking for what she wants, she'll say it indirectly/hint loudly until you do what she wants - I do understand that by doing it (just to get it off my plate) I'm encouraging that behavior.  

We have a roommate. It's hard living with this roommate because her personality is demanding, but we try to keep the peace. She writes her name or initials on all the food she buys. MIL will take it freely anyway, despite roommate's direct requests not to, which leaves me and hubby to mediate all the time. 

I came in last night after DD's cousin's b-day party (my ex-husband's niece, and SIL is still my best friend). After all of the guests left, me and SIL and her (female) roommate rented movies, bought wine, ordered Chinese and had a really nice, relaxing evening. I made sure it was okay with DH before I stayed. I came in at 12:45 AM with DD and MIL wouldn't look at or acknowledge me. Apparently she's mad at me because she's "old-fashioned" and doesn't believe wives should be staying out that late without their husbands.

Maybe it all sounds petty, but I'm really just fed up with the passive aggressive stuff and would like to approach her directly. I'm just not sure how as it is a delicate situation and I don't want to upset my DH. He really doesn't see a lot of it because she acts different when it's just her and me. 

Any advice? 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:52 PM
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Replies (1-7):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:53 PM

She will also passive aggressively criticize me a lot - mostly about the housework aspect and about how I raise my DD.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:54 PM
1 mom liked this
She needs to move out. You made it way too accommodating and easy for her to take advantage of you guys.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Kick her out?
mommy_me
by Emerald Member on Mar. 30, 2014 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this
Kick. Her. Out.
wooly
by Knitting Maniac on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:00 PM

I would put up with her for about 10 minutes and then tell dh it's either her or me!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:00 PM

Take her out to eat and have a frank conversation with her about your expectations, what you have done for her, and how she is making you feel.  Lay it all out there.  If she continues (and tell her this also), she has to find another place.  Period.

Not to bash you, but you are being too passive to her actions.  I get it though.  Good luck regardless!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 30, 2014 at 3:03 PM

Move her into a senior living community. There are many advantages to her living in that type of environment (services, supports, friends her own age, etc.), you can visit her on your own time, and you will have your home back. The stress she seems to be causing you should be enough reason for your DH to agree to kicking his mother out. 

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