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SO doesn't think he is being critical

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

Typically when my SO is critical I keep it in. But lately its gotten Worse. So I say something. I am pretty active. I work out almost daily and eat really healthy. I have been doing it 2 years now. Well, my weight has stayed pretty much the same and a bit more muscle definition. So my BF recently started working out with me and I did a meal plan for him and he has lost 1o lbs the past 4 weeks. GO HIM!! 

Anyways. We were at our mutual friends house and he was talking about his weight loss. And I was like I wish I could lose another 10-15 lbs and our friends were both like " YOu do not have that much weight to even lose." And I took something away from that. Like perhaps I have a seriously obsurred view of my body.


So this morning, he weighs himself and goes I wish I would lose weight faster. I was like you are doing amazing and you look amazing. I can't believe how fast you are dropping already. Then I was like, "I am going to stop paying so much attention to the scale I think. After They told me that over the weekend I relized I probably have a obscurred view of my body." And he replies, " They only said that to be nice."  Um... ouch. 

Then not even 10 minutes later AFTER bitching because there were socks on the floor but before complaining I didn't get all the dishes done, he goes "Can you wear your hair like that more often?" (Its up in two mini mouse looking buns) I chuckle and say sure babe. And he ends it with " Its so much better then when you just do the one." 

There is always a dig somewhere. Never just  a compliment. And I can't help but wonder if that is why I see myself the way I do. Or at least part of it. And whenever I say something like that was kinda rude. He says its just a difference in personality. Its almost like he knows it was rude and doesn;t have a filter so when I point it out he gets defensive. 

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:37 AM
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Replies (1-5):
2pink1blue
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:45 AM

I have a sign in my kitchen near the breakfast bar where my kids eat together in the mornings that says: 

"BE KIND OR BE QUIET"

It is a daily reminder to "think before they speak" and my goal is for them to grow up respecting one another and speaking to others as they wish to be spoken to.  It's very easy to be critical of your siblings and your spouse because they are easy targets.  What he is doing is not kind and is not how men should speak to women they love.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:48 AM

I LOVE that idea!! 

That is what I told him and his comments were making me feel like he wanted me to change a lot of things about me. And he goes, No be who you are, I'm just saying. 

I was like, I should be the most comfortable in my own skin around you. And I am not anymore. 

Quoting 2pink1blue:

I have a sign in my kitchen near the breakfast bar where my kids eat together in the mornings that says: 

"BE KIND OR BE QUIET"

It is a daily reminder to "think before they speak" and my goal is for them to grow up respecting one another and speaking to others as they wish to be spoken to.  It's very easy to be critical of your siblings and your spouse because they are easy targets.  What he is doing is not kind and is not how men should speak to women they love.


2pink1blue
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:55 AM

Yep.  IMO, he should have learned better impulse control as a child/young adult.  Some adults act out like that as a way of exercising control and manipulating other people's emotions.  

When he tells you, "blah blah, blah...I'm just saying'".  Tell him what his mother should have years ago.  "if you don't have something nice to say, then shut the hell up".

Quoting Anonymous:

I LOVE that idea!! 

That is what I told him and his comments were making me feel like he wanted me to change a lot of things about me. And he goes, No be who you are, I'm just saying. 

I was like, I should be the most comfortable in my own skin around you. And I am not anymore. 

Quoting 2pink1blue:

I have a sign in my kitchen near the breakfast bar where my kids eat together in the mornings that says: 

"BE KIND OR BE QUIET"

It is a daily reminder to "think before they speak" and my goal is for them to grow up respecting one another and speaking to others as they wish to be spoken to.  It's very easy to be critical of your siblings and your spouse because they are easy targets.  What he is doing is not kind and is not how men should speak to women they love.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:00 AM

I agree! Maybe I'll only say that from now on. 

Quoting 2pink1blue:

Yep.  IMO, he should have learned better impulse control as a child/young adult.  Some adults act out like that as a way of exercising control and manipulating other people's emotions.  

When he tells you, "blah blah, blah...I'm just saying'".  Tell him what his mother should have years ago.  "if you don't have something nice to say, then shut the hell up".

Quoting Anonymous:

I LOVE that idea!! 

That is what I told him and his comments were making me feel like he wanted me to change a lot of things about me. And he goes, No be who you are, I'm just saying. 

I was like, I should be the most comfortable in my own skin around you. And I am not anymore. 

Quoting 2pink1blue:

I have a sign in my kitchen near the breakfast bar where my kids eat together in the mornings that says: 

"BE KIND OR BE QUIET"

It is a daily reminder to "think before they speak" and my goal is for them to grow up respecting one another and speaking to others as they wish to be spoken to.  It's very easy to be critical of your siblings and your spouse because they are easy targets.  What he is doing is not kind and is not how men should speak to women they love.




Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2014 at 12:08 PM

Bump

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