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He wants to sign over rights..... advise PLEASE....(Long)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 42 Replies

My attorney called me yesterday and informed me that my ex wants to sign over parental rights to our children.  At first I was shocked, then mad, and now I don't know what to do.  I am really torn about letting him do this.

Backstory:

We have two children together, ds 10 & dd 5.  Ex was always a drinker, not to an extreme, but after he came back from deployment he became an excessive alcoholic and abuser.  I left after trying to get him help for over a year.   After I left, he never called the kids, he never visited and the drinking went to a whole new extreme. 

One year later his then girlfriend talks him into taking me to court to get visitation.  She filled out all the paperwork and actually paid the court fees for him and hired his attorney.  He was still drinking so I requested a guardian ad litem determine if visits could be supervised until his drinking was under control.   The guardian decided supervised visits would be the only way he could see the kids until he completed treatment for his alcoholism and anger issues.  He did "complete" treatment.  He then began EOWE visits unsupervised with the kids.  This continued for almost a year. 

 Then, last August his now fiancee called my attorney out of the blue.  She informed my attorney that my ex never formally completed any of the court ordered programs.  That he had forged all of the signatures that were turned into the court.  He was abusing her and he never quit drinking and that he was putting the children in danger.   My attorney and I filed an order to stop visits IMMEDIATELY.  The ex quit calling the kids then and quit paying child support.  6 months later, he and his fiancee drag me back into court.  This time he wants jt custody as well as me to pay for family therapy. 

 It took the judge 3 months to finally send out his decision and it came back that the ONLY way my ex would be able to see the kids again is if he was in a treatment program that the courts could follow.  He would not get jt custody and I would not pay for anything.  So, since he didn't get what he wanted has to actually go through treatment now, he wants to sign over his rights so he doesn't have to go. 

 

So my question is, has anyone been through this? 

 Part of me wants to let him sign over rights because he can't get his life together enough to be a father.  I (and the kids) are tired of the drama this man brings to our life.  Again, I didn't have kids with a total loser, PTSD changed him in TERRIBLE ways.  He is a completely different person than he was 12 years ago.  He's unwilling to get help, he's unwilling to admit he has a problem, he's hateful and spiteful.   

 On the other hand, why should he get out of being somewhat responsible for his children?  Just because he can't get his shit together why should I let him off the hook?  He created these children and he used to be such a good dad..... why should I allow him to walk away and hurt the kids like that?    Ugh, so frustrating. 

 Any advice would be so very appreciated.  Maybe an outside view of this is will help me.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:09 AM

bump

TranquilMind
by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:12 AM

 He has already hurt the kids, and he has demonstrated no interest in being responsible and there for them.  I'd document everything, so that you can show the kids some day (NOT now), say nothing bad about him, and let him sign over the kids. 

Let him go.  Maybe he will hit bottom some day and then make it right with his children. 

my3littleboys
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:13 AM
He can't just sign over his rights. I know that here in my state there has to be someone (usually a step dad) who is willing/able/wanting to adopt the kids.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

signing over rights doesn't usually stop child support.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:15 AM
The government is letting our troops down. They're dumping them back into society without enough support. It's disgusting. That said, no I wouldn't let him off the hook. There is always the hope that he will seek therapy.
Pink.Frosting
by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:16 AM

I would let him do it.  It seems like he brings more trouble to your kid's lives than he's worth.  Also the fiance just stirs the pot and makes things worse.  If you can remove the influence of an alcoholic who obviously does not want to change from your child's lives, you should do that.

LilysMama719
by Emmy on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:16 AM
1 mom liked this
This. I don't think he can decide that he just doesn't want to be a father anymore.

Quoting my3littleboys: He can't just sign over his rights. I know that here in my state there has to be someone (usually a step dad) who is willing/able/wanting to adopt the kids.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:19 AM

 

This was what I thought too.  I am married now and my husband was willing to do this if it's what I really wanted but my attorney says that in this state, he can sign over rights without the children being adopted by someone else.

Quoting my3littleboys: He can't just sign over his rights. I know that here in my state there has to be someone (usually a step dad) who is willing/able/wanting to adopt the kids.

 

othermom
by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:20 AM

That is tough. I haven't had to deal with all the drama back and forth with it, but my sons father has been offering to sign over his rights for years, but we haven't done. it, but may soon. He hasn't been around for 9 years

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2014 at 11:20 AM

 

It is sad they way they are letting our troops down.  I honestly tried so hard, through his unit, through the VA, through private avenues to get him help and there just wasn't the right help or there was no help at all.  He actually saw a therapist once who literally met with him for an hour and wrote him off as "just fine, no problems".

Quoting Anonymous: The government is letting our troops down. They're dumping them back into society without enough support. It's disgusting. That said, no I wouldn't let him off the hook. There is always the hope that he will seek therapy.

 

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