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my kinda cruel confession

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies
My dh is an alcoholic. Got sober for a few years but has fallen off the wagon the last six months. He's a mean drunk and I have no intention of dealing with the nastiness ever again. I told him has three months to get his shit together or the kids and I are outta here. I vowed to stick o out that long and at least try to save our relationship.
My sad confession? A huge part of me hopes he fails to get sober so I don't have to try anymore. I'm sick of trying. Frankly, this relapse of his has caused me to lose alot of respect for him. It is the third relapse in ten years. I don't want to deal anymore. I want to take my kids, get free of him and his addictions, and live life happy. I fantasize about how nice life would be without him around. But I vowed I woukd try, so try I will. Perhaps if he does sober up, and I try really hard, I can make myself love him again..
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:00 PM
Bump
katieculpepper
by Silver Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:01 PM
I don't blame you
Nicoleb9
by Emerald Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:03 PM
I wouldn't deal with it, either. There's a limit.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Corasmom43
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:03 PM
I really don't blame you, either.
Mak33012
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:04 PM
I imagine that is a very normal feeling. Best of luck to your family.
RazzleMySpazz
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:05 PM
You're drained... You feel tapped out! It makes sense.

People are full of complex, not always pretty emotions.

I hope he can sober up, the kids deserve a clear headed father.... And I think counseling might help!

Addiction doesn't just affect the addict and there is nothing wrong with having a third party help you sort through the damage that alcoholism has caused you and your family!
Cmgmqmmom
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:06 PM
I wish you the best of luck. I don't think I could be as forgiving as you are.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:08 PM

I understand.  I have been through my SO's relapses twice in 6 years.  Once while I was pregnant and once after our daughter was born.  One more and I'm gone.  I know it's hard, but you need to do what is right for yourself and your children. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:10 PM
Yes, we are going to go some couples classes at church and counsling with our pastor and his wife. He seems to be trying so far. You're right the kids deserve a clearheaded dad. That is what makes me feel like such a crappy human for half hoping he fails. I guess part of me is just looking for an excuse to run. I don't think I really love him anymore and I'm too much of a coward to tell him that.

Quoting RazzleMySpazz: You're drained... You feel tapped out! It makes sense.

People are full of complex, not always pretty emotions.

I hope he can sober up, the kids deserve a clear headed father.... And I think counseling might help!

Addiction doesn't just affect the addict and there is nothing wrong with having a third party help you sort through the damage that alcoholism has caused you and your family!
RazzleMySpazz
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:23 PM
1 mom liked this
do something for yourself!

What's something you've been wanting to do for awhile? Somewhere you've wanted to go? Redecorate? Do something different with your hair?

There is no point in trying to fix you as a couple, if you aren't working on yourself as an individual... So do something completely selfish and self healing!!

Then work on the marriage... Try as hard as you can... Because even if you need to end it, you'll want to be able to look back and know that you tried your hardest and did everything you could... But maybe it was just too far gone!


But do not for one minute feel guilty for thinking this way!!! It's normal, it's even healthy to recognize and understand your less pleasant side, how are you even supposed to feel differently for someone that has put you through their own selfishness and addiction, this person who was supposed to be your rock! Your other half....

He let you down. And any damage caused is on him, DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!

Tape his picture to a dart board! Anger is much more productive than guilt! ;) it'll help you destress!!!!


Quoting Anonymous: Yes, we are going to go some couples classes at church and counsling with our pastor and his wife. He seems to be trying so far. You're right the kids deserve a clearheaded dad. That is what makes me feel like such a crappy human for half hoping he fails. I guess part of me is just looking for an excuse to run. I don't think I really love him anymore and I'm too much of a coward to tell him that.

Quoting RazzleMySpazz: You're drained... You feel tapped out! It makes sense.

People are full of complex, not always pretty emotions.

I hope he can sober up, the kids deserve a clear headed father.... And I think counseling might help!

Addiction doesn't just affect the addict and there is nothing wrong with having a third party help you sort through the damage that alcoholism has caused you and your family!
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