Everyone says i'm strong. They are amazed at my strength through it all. They admire my desire to be as involved as much as possible regardless of my pain level. I get told this many days a week. I think they are confused. Because this gal is weak, sad and tired of living a life of pain. I cannot accept being permanently disabled at 31. I feel like a complete failure as a mother. My son spends more time with his mema & papa (my parents) than me due to my health issues. Now, once again i'm facing another back surgery. I long to feel better!! But I am scared something may go wrong like my first back surgery did. I had to move back in with my parents bc i'm unable to tend to myself some days not mention my special needs child. I am beyond frustrated with myself at how weak and sensitive I am. I cry at nothing. I think of death as a means to escape the pain. No, i'm not suicidal. Depression has taken over my life. Pain has me in shackles YET others claim i'm strong. I'm sorry but I do not get it. Uhm.. I really do not :( this is just a vent... Does anyone feel this way?
on Apr. 6, 2014 at 11:35 PM