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Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

Do I tell her that her daddy isn't her daddy.. Or about the other baby?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 36 Replies
My daughter is almost 5 and has not seen her bio in almost 3 years. She does not remember him and thinks that my DH is her bio daddy. My DH has been around sense she was 1 and he's all she knows. We have pictures of her and her real bio around and she knows his name is James but thinks he's a family friend.

Her bio James has had many opportunities to be a father and failed multiple multiple times to the point where my child's life was put in danger and that's why the visits stopped. I try at least twice a year to reconnect with him and see if he would like to get to know our daughter and start the process of it all and get no where with him. He recently asked me through text to give up all of his parental rights. I tried to talk to him about that and explained to him what that all ment... With no response.

We recently found out that he is expecting a second child.... I feel weird knowing about it and not telling her but I don't think she would fully grasp it all or understand why she isn't going to see that baby but sees her two brothers from my DH or understand that her daddy(my DH) is not her real daddy.


I want her to know the truth, I just want to do it when the time is right and it won't hurt her :((


When do I tell her??!!!
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2girls220
by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:10 PM

my brother is kind of in the same situation.

they decided that when she was old enough to understand, they would tell their daughter that my brother isnt her dad, then they would let her decide if she wanted him to adopt her.

chalisa0
by Ruby Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes.  Now.  You should never keep secrets like that from children.  They have the right to know their background.  Don't tell her that her Daddy isn't her daddy-duh.  Just tell her that James is her biological father, but Daddy is her daddy.  The longer you wait, the worse it will be. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:11 PM
I just worry about knowing when and if I will know its the right time.


I feel like waiting could be beneficial of make things worse :/

Quoting momof2girls220:

my brother is kind of in the same situation.


they decided that when she was old enough to understand, they would tell their daughter that my brother isnt her dad, then they would let her decide if she wanted him to adopt her.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Honestly at 5 I don't think she will understand something as abstract as bio father and daddy.

I'd wait until she's a couple years older simply because then she can grasp the situation
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:12 PM
I would never say that but I'm worried that's how she would take it...


I want her to really understand

Quoting chalisa0:

Yes.  Now.  You should never keep secrets like that from children.  They have the right to know their background.  Don't tell her that her Daddy isn't her daddy-duh.  Just tell her that James is her biological father, but Daddy is her daddy.  The longer you wait, the worse it will be. 

dawncs
by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:12 PM

 She probably has memories of James who is her birth father. I recommend from saying anything negative about her father. I would not tell her about the other baby because it could bring other questions out in her why she is ignored. You have to realize if her bf abandoned her that he can abandon this baby or any other baby.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:13 PM
Tell her but explain that her bio dad is just her father but your dh is her dad because he love her as much as you do and he's raising her. I wouldnt make it a big deal but I know two of my cousin think that there dads are there bios but there not one did tell his son when he was 18 and he disappeared for like 5 years then he started to come back around and my other cousin just got married she 23 and she has no clue but I hear our family talk about it so it's just a matter of time. But I know my step brother never met his dad till he was 16 but that was his choice but he knew about him his whole life. Good luck
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:13 PM
That's what I worry about as well.

I just feel so weird knowing about his new child on the way and not sharing it with her.

Quoting Anonymous: Honestly at 5 I don't think she will understand something as abstract as bio father and daddy.

I'd wait until she's a couple years older simply because then she can grasp the situation
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:15 PM
She's a really smart girl and she might but she literally saw him maybe 2 days out of the month from the time she was one until 2.

He took no interest in the first year of her life.

Quoting dawncs:

 She probably has memories of James who is her birth father. I recommend from saying anything negative about her father. I would not tell her about the other baby because it could bring other questions out in her why she is ignored. You have to realize if her bf abandoned her that he can abandon this baby or any other baby.

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:16 PM
That's what I fear with waiting. I would never wait that long I just don't want any resentment from her :/

Quoting Anonymous: Tell her but explain that her bio dad is just her father but your dh is her dad because he love her as much as you do and he's raising her. I wouldnt make it a big deal but I know two of my cousin think that there dads are there bios but there not one did tell his son when he was 18 and he disappeared for like 5 years then he started to come back around and my other cousin just got married she 23 and she has no clue but I hear our family talk about it so it's just a matter of time. But I know my step brother never met his dad till he was 16 but that was his choice but he knew about him his whole life. Good luck
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