Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Mom Confessions Mom Confessions

I'm drunk and going anon AMA

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 29 Replies
C'mon. Ask me anything. Mebbe I'll answer before I pass the F out.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 11, 2014 at 2:57 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:02 AM
bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:04 AM
1 mom liked this
Only losers get online hen they're drunk. No life much?
Sassy762
by CAFE SASSY HBIC on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:06 AM
2 moms liked this

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?

Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.

If a lesbian has sex with other women but never with another man is she still considered a virgin?

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?

If a transvesite goes missing, would youu put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

Can you daydream at night?

Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?

Can crop circles be square?

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?

When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Can animals commit suicide?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?

Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married?

Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?

Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?

If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?

If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated?

How fast do hotcakes sell?

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?

Can a black person join the kkk?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party?

If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?

Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?

If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

Who was Sadie Hawkins?

If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?

If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant?

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?

Do you yawn in your sleep?

Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?

If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal?

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?

If you died with braces on would they take them off?

If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole?

How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?

Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.

If a lesbian has sex with other women but never with another man is she still considered a virgin?

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?

If a transvesite goes missing, would youu put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

Can you daydream at night?

Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?

Can crop circles be square?

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?

When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Can animals commit suicide?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?

Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married?

Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?

Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?

If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?

If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated?

How fast do hotcakes sell?

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?

Can a black person join the kkk?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party?

If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?

Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?

If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

Who was Sadie Hawkins?

If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?

If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant?

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?

Do you yawn in your sleep?

Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?

If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal?

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?

If you died with braces on would they take them off?

If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole?

How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?

If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?

Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.

If a lesbian has sex with other women but never with another man is she still considered a virgin?

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?

What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?

If a transvesite goes missing, would youu put their face on a carton of Half and Half?

Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?

If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?

Can you daydream at night?

Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?

Can crop circles be square?

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?

Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?

When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Can animals commit suicide?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?

How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?

Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?

When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married?

Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?

Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?

If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?

Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?

Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?

If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?

If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated?

How fast do hotcakes sell?

Do prison buses have emergency exits?

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?

Can a black person join the kkk?

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?

When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party?

If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?

If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?

Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?

If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?

Who was Sadie Hawkins?

If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?

If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

What is the stage of a reptile when it has eggs in it but they haven't been laid. Are they pregnant?

If Mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why do people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning?

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

Why is it called a funny bone, when if you hit it, it's not funny at all?

Do you yawn in your sleep?

Why do dogs like the smell of other dogs butts?

If a cannible was on death row could he ask for the last guy that was electricuted for his last meal?

Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

Do glow-in-the-dark objects stop glowing when somebody turns the lights on?

If you died with braces on would they take them off?

If someone has their nose pierced, have a cold, and take thier nose ring out. Does snot come out of the piercing hole?

How come lemon washing up liquid contains real lemons, but lemon juice contains artificial flavorings.

Do you wake up or open your eyes first?

Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

How do you handcuff a one-armed man?

If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:06 AM
1 mom liked this
So you know what I'm going through? You're a wonderful person. I hope your cats are nice to you.

Quoting Anonymous: Only losers get online hen they're drunk. No life much?
PoisonEyeV
by _ on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:08 AM

So, is the rum all gone?

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:41 AM
2 moms liked this
If you dug a hole through the center of the earth and jumped in, would you stay at the center because of gravity?
No, you would be propelled outward by centrifugal force.

If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin?
No.

Why do people think that swaying their arm back and forth would change the direction of a bowling ball?
Because they're hoping for some kind of stabilizing pendulum effect.

If girls with large breasts work at Hooters, then do girls with one leg work at IHOP?
Yes.

Why is it that everyone driving faster than you is considered an idiot and everyone driving slower than you is a moron?
Because those are the only adjectives I know, moron.

If pro and con are opposites, wouldn't the opposite of progress be congress?
Ask the apes.

Why does grape flavor smell the way it is when actual grapes don't taste or smell anything like it.
Grapples.

If a lesbian has sex with other women but never with another man is she still considered a virgin?
Only if they lubricate with olive oil.

If a kid refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
Definitely.

Is it rude for a deaf person to talk (sign) with their mouth full of food?
As rude as it is for a legless man to refuse to remove their shoes upon entering your home.

What's the difference between normal ketchup and fancy ketchup?
Vinegar.

If a transvesite goes missing, would youu put their face on a carton of Half and Half?
Only if fat kids aren't allowed on skim milk cartons.

Why is the Lone Ranger called 'Lone' if he always has his Indian friend Tonto with him?
Who the F knows.

When does it stop being partly cloudy and start being partly sunny?
When there are meatballs involved.

Are eyebrows considered facial hair?
Yes.

If a baby's leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn't come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?
*on which day was he born? .....The day in which the moment occurs that he fully has exited the birth canal.

In the song Yankee Doodle, is he calling the horse or the feather "macaroni"?
The feather.

Is there a time limit on fortune cookie predictions?
24 hours unless otherwise indicated.

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
To save the meat producers money.

Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary?
Yes.

Can you daydream at night?
Only if you're awesome.

Why is it that on a phone or calculator the number five has a little dot on it?
For blind people to identify the center of the numerical buttons.

Can crop circles be square?
No, then they would be crop squares.

If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?
Hover technology.


Is it legal to travel down a road in reverse, as long as your following the direction of the traffic?
As long as you don't impede traffic by going slow as fuck.

When Atheists go to court, do they have to swear on the bible?
Not anymore.

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?
To mimic the vanilla flower.

Can animals commit suicide?
Yes, actually. My dad's dog did. Thanks for bringing that up.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
Laugh.

If a doctor suddenly had a heart attack while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient? Who has the biggest net worth? That's who gets saved.

How can something be "new" and "improved"? if it's new, what was it improving on?
Well......

Why aren't drapes double sided so it looks nice on the inside and outside of your home?
To prevent fading on the outer side.

When two people marry, they say, "you may kiss the bride". What do they say if two MEN get married?
.....whatever they want

Why is it that when we "skate on thin ice", we can "get in hot water"?
Hot water melts the ice, making it thin.

Why do people say beans beans the magical fruit when beans are vegetables?
They aren't vegetables. They are legumes.

If laughter is the best medicine, who's the idiot who said they 'died laughing'?
Overdose.

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
Banks don't grow money, either. HAVE You Seen Interest Rates On Savings lately?

Why are the little styrofoam pieces called peanuts?
Because they're as worthless as peanuts and inedible for most public school children.

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
They're snake eggs.

Do siamese twins pay for one ticket or two tickets when they go to movies and concerts?
It depends on if they are join ed at the top or bottom and how many seats they need.

Why are they called 'Jolly Ranchers'? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?
My grandpappy was plenty jolly.

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
Rules of reciprocation.

Can a short person "talk down" to a taller person?
From a ladder.

If a bald person works as a chef at a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?
Yes.

If milk goes bad if not refrigerated, does it go bad if the cow isnt refrigerated?
No.

How fast do hotcakes sell?
Ask the one-legged waitress.

Do prison buses have emergency exits?
Yes.

Do astronauts change their clocks when they move over different time zones in space?
They use that international meridian time or whatever it is.

Can a black person join the kkk?
Probably.

When lightning strikes the ocean why don't all the fish die?
Lack of transference of energy between air and water.

When there's two men who "get married", do they both go to the same bachelor party?
Sure, if they want to save money on the strippers.

If a guy that was about to die in the electric chair had a heart attack should they save him?
Yes, because those bastards love wasting taxpayer money.

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
Track 9 3/4

Do Jewish vampires avoid crosses or Stars of David?
Neither.

If London Bridge is standing why is there a song about it falling down?
Some thing about a plague or disaster or something.

Why is it that before 9/11 they always showed the emergency broadcast system test, and on 9/11 they never used it?
I have no idea.

If a nursing mother had her nipples pierced would the milk come out of all three holes?
It does actually tend to leak out of the piercing holes excessively.

Who was Sadie Hawkins?
A feminist.

If a stripper gets breast implants can she write it off on her taxes as a business expense?
Sure can.

If parents say, "Never take candy from strangers" then why do we celebrate Halloween?
Rules are made to be broken.

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?
Just the main feature.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
No.

What does PU stand for (as in "PU, that stinks!")?
Poopy Underwear

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Who does that?
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:43 AM
I guess. I'm drinking moscato.

Quoting PoisonEyeV:

So, is the rum all gone?

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:44 AM

Are you really drunk, or are you just playing drunk?

cntrdmom
by Ruby Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:44 AM
Previous questions will suffice. Get to answering. Lol
WindBlownOracle
by on Apr. 11, 2014 at 3:44 AM
2 moms liked this

 Slaps Sassafrass,  simply because I had to scroll for ever and couldn't stop laughing!

 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)