I finally told my mom *update* *another update* *Update 3*
I finally told my mom that her husband molested me from age 9 to 17. I'm freaking out. She believed me and she's gonna leave him. I don't know what to think. I was never gonna tell...
Today has been really hard. My mom is a mess and my step dad was talking about showing up at my house. He doesn't know why she kicked him out. I begged her not to tell him I told her. He only knows that I told her something and she's done with him. So he's talking about showing up at my house and getting me to tell him. I packed up the kids and went somewhere else. We will go home when my husband gets off work.
I never should have said a word. I have just completely turned my mom's world inside out and upside down. I don't know what to do from here.
He texted me today. He knows that's what I told my mom. He is calling me a liar and begging me to "tell the truth" and "take it back." Telling me I ruined the lives of him, my mom, my little brother, and my little sister. Saying that I "better NOT" show up at my little brother's graduation or my older brother's wedding.
My mom is a basket case.
I still wish I hadn't said anything. I don't know how life is going to be now. It feels like I lost my whole family. I should have kept my damn mouth shut. I'm having nightmares every night since I told her. I haven't slept more than an hour stretch without waking up drenched in sweat and not able to breathe.
My husband has been amazing. He's my rock. He and the kids are the only reason I haven't disappeared. Anyway, I hope things get better, I just don't know how they can. :-(
I talked to my mom for a couple hours Saturday night. She's doing better. She's stronger than she realizes. I am STILL having nightmares every night. I just want to sleep! I want to take a sleeping pill, but I'm terrified that if I do, I'll just be stuck in my bad dreams all night and not be able to wake up. I would rather wake up at 1 or 2 in the morning and not be able to sleep anymore than to be stuck in those dreams all night. Will that happen? Does anyone know?
Other than the dreams and the near constant neausa, I'm doing slightly better. My husband has just been so amazing through all of this. I couldn't have asked for a better man.