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Judgy Moms Have No Business Telling Other Moms How to Raise Their Kids

Posted by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 9:57 AM
  • 93 Replies
4 moms liked this

Judgy Moms Have No Business Telling Other Moms How to Raise Their Kids

by Kristen Chase

Don't judge other moms lest you be judged yourselfBack when I was a brand new mom, or heck, even before I had kids, I was pretty judgy of other moms. I admit, it's easy to see someone loading their children up on candy or strapping them into a kid leash and say to yourself, "I'd never do that."

Granted, there are some things that I will never, ever not judge; Coca Cola in a baby bottle will make me cringe every single time.

But overall, I've realized that parenting context is everything, which is why I bite my tongue way more than I ever did before.

Maybe it's because I have four kids now and keeping up this idea of perfection is completely impossible. As in, I'd never be able to physically survive if I didn't make some accommodations.

That means sometimes they watch videos or play games in the car. Sometimes I give them candy that I have yet to pay for at the grocery store so I can make it through my shopping trip.

But these days, I'm way less judgmental of what other parents choose to do with their kids. Well, so long as they're not harming them.

I realize that many of us -- maybe even most of us -- have a pretty good reason why we make the choices we do. And a lot of times, it's completely on the fly, out of survival mode or desperation.

I'm pretty sure parents don't necessarily plan to ply our kids with chocolate while we're out and about, but if it means we can make it through that errand without a complete meltdown, well, then we do what we have to do.

Other times, you're only seeing a small snippet of the entire situation, like today when I carried my 5-year-old into preschool.

I know I got a couple of looks from the other moms considering she's pretty big now and can certainly walk on her very own.

But she's also my third child and had to grow up quickly, with an older brother only 20 months before her and a younger sister almost exactly two years younger than her.

So sometimes, I give her extra special attention. I baby her. Because she never really got a chance to be babied when she was little.

I actually think it's healthy for her. And for me too.

Of course, it looks like I'm completely spoiling my big girl, who is walking into a place where she's learning how to be completely independent. And I know that we're often trying to get our big kids to do more things on their own.

But I think if those moms knew the context, they'd understand. Maybe they'd even try it themselves.

It's situations like those and the many others I encounter with other parents on an everyday basis that really makes me rethink judging.

Sure, if your kid takes a crack at my kid on the playground, I'm not going to be completely thrilled. Though I know we all have bad days, kids included. 

And I don't love seeing people out at grocery shopping with their kids at 11 p.m., but I could see where they might have to.

(Okay, that's a bit of a stretch. I am only human, after all!)

Either way, I have really learned to keep my mouth shut. Not just my outside voice, but the one inside my head. If anything, I can use that energy for other things. Like minding my own kids. And business.

Do you judge other moms? C'mon, admit it.

by on Apr. 21, 2014 at 9:57 AM
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Replies (1-10):
bjw_053109
by Silver Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:15 AM
4 moms liked this
I think we all judge other moms at some point. And I'm fairly confident we've all been judged by other moms.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:20 AM

I am a lot less judgemental than I used to be.  I kinda judge my brother and his wife... they have their kids in daycare 60 hrs a week and her parents take the kids every other weekend. 

But, a lot of the thing Iused to judge... formula feeding, television, etc.  I admit to doing.  There are other things that I don't do, but get why others do.  But, I keep my mouth shut no matter what.

bluebunnybabe
by Ruby Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:20 AM
I try not to judge other moms. I don't know them or their situation or reason for why they are doing things the way they are & honestly, it's really not my business.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:21 AM
3 moms liked this

I judge everyone for pretty much everything. True story lol.

holyhoola
by Ruby Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:28 AM
Yes, more for actions than choices. For instance, there was a woman having a nice lunch with her friends and all their kids. Her dd spilled her drink, that's when all hell broke loose. She embarrassed her daughter to the point of tears, what a scene. I was hoping she would make eye contact with me so I could give her a dirty look but she didn't. Her friends handled it well, apparently that is their norm.
The whole time I thought Ugh, you and I would never be friends!
AliKatAK47
by Meanie Pants on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:32 AM

I only judge you if your kid is messy or being brat. Other than that..I don't care (well I don't care about those things either, I just find them disgusting) I don't have enough "mom friends" to pay attention to what other moms are doing. 

gkcathey
by Bronze Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:37 AM

It's human nature.....of course we all judge anyone who does something different from us. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:40 AM

Yes I judge and I certainly would have rolled my eyes at a 5 year old being carried into SCHOOL. SMH 

my2kids0506
by Gold Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 10:56 AM
2 moms liked this
I really try hard not to judge unless you are just being terrible to your kids . I do not see anything wrong with carrying your child into school . My youngest is 7 and if he wants me to carry him and I can I will do so. I will rock them to sleep if they want me to as long as they want me to.

Quoting Anonymous:

Yes I judge and I certainly would have rolled my eyes at a 5 year old being carried into SCHOOL. SMH 

othermom
by Ruby Member on Apr. 21, 2014 at 11:13 AM

I do sometimes. Usually for situations that are a safety issue like not watching their kid close. One person I know will let her 2 year old run around the park with a road close and then asked my daughter to get him to bring him over some place else away from the road because she was playing on her phone. I told her to get him since he won't listen to my child. Otherwise if the kids are well cared for I don't really care

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