If she wants to be family, why doesn't she act like it? Adoption related.
We have two young sons. One is adopted. After the adoption, the birth family wanted more openness and we complied. They say that they want us to view them as family. As time goes on, we are starting to.
Our only concern is that they don't act like they view us as family. They send holiday cards only to our adopted son. We don't care whether they acknowledge us, but it hurts our other son's feelings that he is excluded.
We would not tolerate that from any member of our extended family. We would be outraged if any of our extended family acknowledged our bilogical son only and excluded our adopted son. Doubtless the birth family would be, too. Why do they think it is ok for them to act that way?
ETA: I opened the Easter card she sent this afternoon. It was one of those Hallmark cards that says something like "Son, Thinking of you this Easter day." She signed it "Mom." She didn't send a card to our family or to our other son at all. Does this sound like a woman who loves us? Showing preferential treatment to one child and ignoring the other doesn't look like love for the family.
Her actions are raising my suspicions. I am wondering if she has been playing our emotions just to get us to open the adoption and push boundaries back. If one of our extended family ignored one of our sons and took liberties in addressing the second, we would question their feelings for our family.
I am fixing to call DH at work and tell him about it.