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My daughter won't take her sister to her activities anymore :(

Posted by Anonymous
  • 180 Replies
My husband was laid off from his job 5 months ago. He's had to pick up two lower paying jobs, and still isn't making what he used to. I had to start a job three weeks ago, after being a sahm since my 20yo daughter was born. My younger daughter is 12. She's taken all of this very hard, and we've tried to keep life as close as possible. She has an anxiety disorder that makes change very very hard and upsetting for her.

She's in competitive dance and cheerleading. She has practice from 4-6 every day, and when I started work I knew I wouldn't be able to take her. I asked my older daughter and she stepped up, which I appreciate so much since she lives with her friends going to college 40 minutes away. We live rurally so it's a big hassle to get rides.

My ydd is hitting puberty and has an attitude, as is to be expected, although we obviously don't tolerate it. However, with the girls spending so much time together, my odd has had trouble dealing with it and they've bickered. Yesterday, after practice, and odd greeted me at the house and said "I'm not taking that little b-tch anywhere again, you're on your own" and stormed out.

Apparently, after dance, my ydd wanted to stay back with two of her friends and get food with them. She asked my odd and she said no, she needed to go home since she had plans with her boyfriend. She said my ydd then blew up at her about how she doesn't care about her, that she's so awful she can't believe she has a boyfriend or any friends, that she's never liked her and was happy she moved out. Basically, in a rage, and saying the most hurtful things possible. My odd said she grabbed her arm, dragged her to the car, drove home in silence and sat in the living room for me.

My ydd is now hysterical with worry since she texted her sister apologizing and asking if she'd see her tomorrow, and her sister texted back "over my dead body, find your own way there. I'm not bending over backwards for an ungrateful snot like you" and hasn't answered her calls. I've had to calm her down from two anxiety attacks, as this disruption in her routine is enough to set her off, let alone her older sister being so angry at her. My daughter won't take my calls either, and sent me a text that just said "don't bother, not happening again" when she sent me to voicemail.

I'm beside myself with worry right now. My daughter is grounded for what she said to her sister, but I can't imagine having to pull her out of her lifelong hobby over this and what that willl do to her when everything is already so bad. I'm honestly scared to even leave her home alone after school tomorrow with how upset she is now, but I can't call in sick to work.

Please, mamas, help. I'm lost and have no idea what to so here.

Update: she hasn't been able to find a reliable ride and is one practice away from being kicked out of the team/studio. She's devastated and is having daily panic attacks and is hysterical about this. I get home when she hasn't been to practice and she's just sitting there crying- dance before kept her in a routine where she did her homework as soon as she walked in from practice.

My older Dd won't budge, I've tried begging and pleading but she just says "no". My younger daughter has apologized and begged and she tells her that she have thought of that before being so rude.

I'm at an absolute loss.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 23, 2014 at 8:57 PM
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by Ruby Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:01 PM
12 moms liked this

First off I'm sorry to hear your dh lost his job.  I can imagine how hard this has been on everyone.  I'm afraid I agree with your older dd.  Her behavior was unacceptable and I think this is a natural consequence.  She will have to start asking friends to give her a ride.

by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:03 PM

I'm not going to be much help if I can't take dd to practice or can't pick her up, I just let her know and she finds a ride.

by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:03 PM

yup, she oughta be calling kids in the class, or on the pc, IM'ing them about a ride..

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:04 PM
1 mom liked this
We live rurally and her friends live nowhere near us, in the opposite direction. It would be at least 25 minutes out of someone's way to pick her up, and she's never had luck finding a ride before.
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:04 PM
6 moms liked this
Sounds like you're making excuses for ydd brattiness! Good for your odd... Teacher your child respect, not excuses!
by Sapphire Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:04 PM

She must have friends that are also in these activities.  You may have to reach out and see if one of the moms would mind if she went along with them. 

by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:05 PM
Teach her the meaning of you reap what you sow.
by Ruby Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:05 PM
6 moms liked this
Your older dd is going out of her way to help out and her sister acted like an ungrateful snot. She has every right to refuse to take her anymore
by Ruby Member on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:06 PM
17 moms liked this
Sounds like her anxiety disorder has been used as a crutch for too long.
That needs to stop. An anxiety disorder is no excuse for bad behavior. How is her anxiety disorder being treated?
by on Apr. 23, 2014 at 9:06 PM

I'm sure if YDD wants it bad enough she will get a ride from a Team-Mate

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